The Monkey's Paw Game

[Chancellor Valium]

They don't. They just nest in your hair when you go out :twisted:

I wish that blasted crooning music would TURN ITS-ZARKING-SELF OFF!

[Xeroc]

It does, but then realizes to do this, it now has sentience and becomes infiniely ever annyoying!


I wish people would quit twisting these wishes.

[Chancellor Valium]

They do. Then everyone gets what they want and everyone turns into selfish bastards.

I wish people would build me Croydon Airport....

[Opium]

Queen Elizabeth buys it for you, but you don't take possession of it until 2347 and can not make money from it until then, either.

[Chancellor Valium]

Since you made no wish, you get nuttin'. Ever again.

[persianmouse]

Well, since you made no wish neither, you get nuttin'. Ever again.

I wish I had invented the spork.

[Chancellor Valium]

You did, and sporked your eyes out with it!

I wish for a song like the Llama Song!

[Vedra]

You get a song like the Llama song, but it draws the attention of a pack of hungry elephant-bear hybrids that just escaped from a lab, and they maul you to death for peanuts.

I wish I didn't have this stupid monkey's paw.

[Chancellor Valium]

You don't. Now you have to watch everyone ELSE get lucky with it!

I wish Zeke had the ability to finish work on a fiver faster than a speeding bullet!

[persianmouse]

He would, but then they wouldn't be funny.... (oh, wait...) :twisted:

I wish this fly wasn't buzzing around my computer screen, pissing me off.

[Chancellor Valium]

It isn't. You accdentally swallowed it.

I wish I had more time.....

[persianmouse]

Well, you don't, so now I have to shove this bomb up your ass and explode you from the inside.

I wish more people appreciated the beauty that is pie.

[Chancellor Valium]

They do. Then they're all as sadistic, twisted, and warped as you.

I wish more people understood the beauty of Hunter-Killer Droids...

[richardson]

They do, and send them after you, thus utterly wiping you from the galaxy.


I wish I could have found a way to make an uber cool, freaky and awsome return entrance, preferably with some kind of star destroyer.....

AND A LIGHTSABER....

NO-NO! TWO LIGHTSABERS!

[Chancellor Valium]

You did, but due to your utter n00bishness with sabres, everyone laughs at you.

I wish people would recognise true Palpatinicity.

[richardson]

They do, but now it gets destroyed on sight.

I wish I had some skills with dem stupid sabers....

[Xeroc]

Okay, you have a few sabers... Saber-Tooth Tigers, that is!


I wish for a million wishes.

[Opium]

You get a million wishes, but they all have to involved watching "Dukes of Hazzard meets The Flinstones".


I wish I had a million dollars, but a real million dollars, that'd be cruel...

[persianmouse]

You do, and the first thing you buy is that monkey you've always wanted, and then the monkey craps all over your house, steals the rest of the money and gives it to his monkey friends, you blow it on cigarettes, booze, and monkey hookers (or monkubines, if you will). You will then be on the news, as the woman who had her million dollars stolen by a monkey. Then people will point and laugh at you on the street, and you will forever be known as 'The Monkey Lady', and will become a loner and a hermit, and start collecting broken furniture and old mattresses in your yard, and forego bathing. Eventually, you will be taken away by the authorities, dragged out of the house in a thread-bare nightgown and house slippers, thinning hair done up in an askew bun, toothless mouth screaming about communists and monkeys.


I wish Enterprise hadn't been cancelled.

[Opium]

It isn't cancelled; however, it is now written by Trip/Sato/EvilFutureGuy 'shippers.

I wish Judging Amy hadn't been cancelled.