Advice for writing a Fiver

[Flying Gremlin]

Hello.

I am attempting to write a Fiver. It's odd, writing something for a site that makes graveyards look like raves, but that's pretty much how the music video for "Thriller" started, so... the moral is we should start playing Michael Jackson music until we start a choreographed dance?

Now, first off, I have it all done. I asked Zeke about it, but for some reason, he didn't respond. Maybe his PM box is full? I dunno. Maybe email is the better way to go.

I wouldn't mind getting some feedback on it, but I am unsure what to do. Do I post it here and solicit comments? Do I post it on some random other place? Do I show it to people I know and hope they don't have me locked in an insane asylum?

[Nate the Great]

If you're hoping for it to be a real, published on the site fiver I wouldn't post it here in the forum. Maybe you should at least tell us the franchise, and one of the more experienced fivists here who's familiar with it can go over your drafts with you through PMs.

[Flying Gremlin]

Hope is good. Yes, I'd like to try.

The one I went with was Voyager.

[Zeke]

Response coming, but first a response about my lack of response. (I'm posting it here because it goes for any other prospective guest writers.)

I'm sorry, but you'll have to be patient with me. I don't mean in terms of sympathy or anything -- I'm saying you literally have no choice. I am very slow to do things. It's gone past the point of cliche here and looped around into being an essential part of the fabric of the site. I have guest fivers from 2004 that aren't dealt with yet. But I would actually feel more guilty if I were up to date, because I'm just as far behind on things like my career that should be coming first.

As for the specific request, I'll have more to say by PM, but the short version is this: they may be pretty out of date, but we have FAQs for a reason.

[Flying Gremlin]

All right, no worries. I am very laid back when it comes to writing, and when it comes to putting things ahead of Internet sites, that's obvious, especially when there's no monetary compensation on the blogosphere for what is clearly a hobby.

I thought I went through all the FAQs; didn't see the whole "Voyager has been claimed" bit. That was my bad, and I will endeavor to be more careful in the future.

So then it's time to brush up on the other series.

[NAHTMMM]

Some general advice, from someone who learned it through experience (writing novel fivers in the Misc forum, and a couple for the Excelsior fan series):

• Brevity is the soul of wit. Especially so when the point is to condense something down with hilarious results. You want a lean, mean parodying machine when all is said and done.
• Mix your humor. Wordplay, cultural references, irony, general goofiness, and of course poking fun at the source material all have their place. You don't have to have every single type of humor possible in one fiver, of course, but avoiding unfunny predictability is part of humor.
• As it says in the Submissions FAQ (linked for other prospective fivists who might be reading this), you don't have to put every single scene in. This is your take on the story being portrayed in the episode. Decide what's important, plus what you want to include just for the sake of being funny, and include those parts. You can, occasionally, get away with not including an important scene (or an unimportant plotline, in my case) by having the characters react to it or sum it up in a line or two.
• This may be a very specific type of writing, but general tips still apply. Brainstorm. Seek inspiration from your experiences and the world around you. Revise a lot, but not to the point that you destroy the thing you're trying to create. Read it out loud to yourself. Consider your audience: will they "get" what you're trying to do? And be willing to consider new ideas and make tough choices throughout the process.

Hope this helps!