Vote for Five Minute COMMODORE!

[antodav]

Hello everybody. I just wanna let you know something...a dirty little secret that we've been carrying around for a while now...

You may remember me from such fivers as "The Visitor" and...well, actually, that's all that Zeke has ever let me do. I had some other ideas, but they've been pretty much trashed by now. However....

As you can see in my profile, my career goal is to become a writer and producer for TV and film. In particular, one thing I would love to do (if the franchise is still around by that time of course) is write for Star Trek. I have ENT ep ideas, but since the series probably won't last more than 5 seasons, many of those ideas (which largely revolved around developing the "Little 3" [Travis, Hoshi, Malcolm] as well as the Romulan Wars etc.) won't have the opportunity to come to pass. If I can make it there before the final season though, at least then maybe I'll have the chance to get my foot in the door.

My central project, my brainchild, the one that I have dedicated the last two years of my life to, is something far grander however than any mere ENT episode. It's actually my concept for what would ideally become the sixth Star Trek series. The series is called Star Trek: Commodore, and it's set in the late 24th Century, eight years after DS9 and six years after Voyager. The series revolves around the the starship U.S.S. Commodore, commanded by Captain Geoffrey Henderson, a young, brash, arrogant, and somewhat naive officer who formerly served on both Voyager and the Enterprise-D. Commodore, Starfleet's first large flagship-class heavy cruiser designed specifically for combat and patrol, is sent to the Beta Quadrant, where most of the series is set, to fight on the front lines of the Federation's war against interstellar terrorism. As you may be able to tell, the series draws greatly from current events and deals with many relevant political issues, while at the same time going against the traditional grain of previous Star Trek series by refusing to be politically correct.

What defines Commodore more than anything else however is the fact that it is both completely planned out and serialized. I was inspired mainly by Babylon 5 (which I consider to be the greatest sci-fi series ever made) as well as Farscape and my favorite of the Trek series, Voyager. The series is set to be seven seasons long, and it deals with several story arcs that are intertwined with one another (I'd tell you more about them but I wouldn't want to spoil anything for you). Some might call it DS9 set on a starship, but I distinguish it from that series by both its political content and my avoidance of soapy melodrama. If you can believe it, Commodore has far more gray areas to it than DS9 did. In the series the Federation is sometimes both the good and the bad guy, and by the fifth season even Captain Henderson himself (due to traumatic events that happen in his life) is bordering on crossing the edge into evil. There are also important recurring appearances by characters from the other TNG-era Trek series, particularly characters from Voyager and TNG. It's a really exciting, epic story that I'd love to share with you all one day...once I get it all written down LOL (at this point most of it is still in my head).

Anyway, the reason I'm posting this is to see if maybe the power of democracy can help sway the will of the almighty tyrant Emperor Zeke Hayman. You see, after abandoning my efforts to five any more existing Trek episodes (seeing as Zeke has decided to be a Cardassian and weild all fiving power through his own brutal, bloody command), I've decided to go ahead and instead try doing parodies based on my own series. I've already (just barely) started a website on which I'll be eventually posting Commodore eps (in story format, for now), and I'd like it to eventually include, besides a blog, a 5MV-style subsite consisting of parodies of Commodore episodes. First, however, I need to get Zeke's permission, since the Five-Minute concept is his idea (or so he claims :-P). I've come here to see if I can organize a petition...get Zeke to give me the green-light for Five-Minute Commodore! When the parody of the series's three-part pilot, "The Warriors of Starfleet," is complete, I'll be sure to show it to you all so that you may witness what God (or I, whichever you prefer) have wrought. But I can't do it without your help! Please, I beg you, let your voices be heard, carry signs and plackards, bake him lots of yummy pies as bribery, do whatever you've got to do, but help me turn my subsite into a reality! I've been bugging him about it for over a YEAR now! Thanks!

Amorem omnibus,
Antodav

P.S.: Oh, and if Zeke is reading this, I've also got another proposal for 5MV itself...Five-Minute A Tale of Two Cities.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Whoah, whoah, getting ahead of yourself here. I think, very first things first, we actually need to see this series of yours. And even then, it would only be at this point a fanfic series. I'd actually get at lest some of it written before you go around flinging ideas like 5MV exosites around.

[Nan]

I have to agree with Pointy that it's too early in the game for a sub- or exosite.

Speaking as a writer working on a series--in this instance a comic series--myself, start small. I cannot emphasize this enough. Make sure it's something you know you can deal with.

To this end, why don't you begin by starting your own site? There are plenty of free webhosts out there. Put up some of your work and see if you get an audience interested in the project.

You have to prove the viability of the idea before anything else. It's just the way it is.

[antodav]

Well, fair enough. Some of it is written however. Like I say, I've been working on this for two years. Last year the series endured a major overhaul however and I started again from the beginning...but this fall, when I'll have the time, I plan to make tremendous progress.

If you want to see the first episode of the series, visit here: http://p079.ezboard.com/fstarbase12f...picID=30.topic. This is a bulletin board community I used to be/technically still am a part of, though due to infrequent visitation of that site I never got much of a response from anyone other than my closest friends. Feel free to give feedback too if you'd like.

If you really want to call it "fan fiction," go ahead, but I don't like the term. The main reason I don't like term is because 1) I consider fan fiction to be original stories that involve characters from the existing series, not an entirely new series with entirely new characters, and 2) even though I haven't accomplished as much as I'd like to have accomplished by now, I'm really serious about this. I'm an Electronic Media Communications major at Middle Tennessee State University, studying for a degree that will allow me to become a writer and producer in Hollywood. Whatever you think about it, I ask that you treat Commodore with respect. For the last two years, this has been pretty much my life's work here. Actually, come to think of it, in a few more months it'll be three years...wow, how time flys.

Antodav

P.S.: As for my own site, like I said, I'm working on that. :wink:

[antodav]

Whoa, uh, come to think of it, I don't think that what I have posted there is actually the most recent update of the first episode (I went back and did some revisions to it not long ago). Give me, about, an hour, and I'll have it fixed up...

[Nan]

I can help with your site, if you like.

Web design is what I do.

[antodav]

OK, it's all revised up now. Whew! That took longer than I thought it would. Enjoy!

Nan...

That would be great. I have experience using Netscape's html software, the free stuff that comes with the browser, but I don't like using it much. My friend is also trying to develop her own website. Your help would be appreciated. Email me some time and maybe we can work something out. 8)

[Nan]

Sure, just send the contact info to nan(at)fiveminute(dot)net

[Zeke]

Okay, antodav, you got my attention. And you picked a hell of a way to do it. I have to run right now, but I'll post here tomorrow... and let's hold off on the canvassing until then, hmm?

[Derek]

No, Zeke is my master and I blindly and subserviently follow his will. All hail.

Actually, I think that was part of the contract I had to sign in order to be on staff.

[Alexia]

No, Zeke is my master and I blindly and subserviently follow his will. All hail.

Of course :wink:

[catalina_marina]

^Well no, but I can pretend. :wink:

Uh, I mean, yes, of course he is. :roll:

[Gatac]

I'm against it, frankly. There's tons of really good fan stories out there, and we don't five any of those, either (except for Virtual Voyager Season 8&9, where Zeke was a writer, and DS9 - What you come back to where we had the fivers submitted). In both cases, the fivers were simply added to the series they belonged to, and while it is sort of a precedent, there's been no big follow-up to it. With all due respect, but what elevates Commodore above, say Renaissance or Delta Fleet ? I know you've got a personal stake in it, but ask yourself this: will people want to read fivers of a series that is not even close to having enough material to work with? Renaissance is about to start it's fourth season, they've been going since 2001, they're linked from some of the biggest Trek fansites, and to me knowledge, nobody has ever brought up fiving them.

My advice is therefore: Write first, make fun of later.

(Why is the story written in present tense, by the way? It's a bit tiring to read.)

Gatac

PS: Sorry if I'm sounding overly negative here - I think my honest opinion will be of more help to you.

[USS Enterprise]

Originally Posted by Gatac

Renaissance is about to start it's fourth season, they've been going since 2001, they're linked from some of the biggest Trek fansites, and to me knowledge, nobody has ever brought up fiving them.

I think it would be awesome if Renaissance were fived! They have good episodes, so I'm sure there are great possibilities for comedy.

[antodav]

Hey, I've got nothing against other fan-written series being fived. I think it would be a great idea...like the poll (which I'm unfortunately losing in a landslide that is giving me Walter Mondale-syndrome) says, "fivers and democracy for all!" And I don't think you guys understand...I'm not asking for my subsite to be part of 5MV, or even for a link to it from 5MV. It's just something I want to do on my own site, which I'm starting up soon. I wouldn't ask Zeke to include a series that isn't even really a series yet on his own site. It's just that the idea of doing fivers nominally belongs to him, so I want permission from Zeke to use the concept on my site. If he wants to link it, that's his choice; I just don't want to disrespect him by taking his idea....

One thing is clear though: you guys are definitely encouraging me to hurry up and get more of this series written. I admit that I haven't been doing a good job keeping up with my goals and it's one of the things I regret most in my life at the moment. Then again, at the rate I'm going, I think I'd probably be able to get a new fiver up at least as often as Zeke does a new ENT fiver... :P LOL j/k.

Antodav

P.S.: Oh, and the reason it's in present tense is to help to give the feel that you're watching it as a television episode rather than reading it as a story. I feel like present tense puts you more in the middle of the action. I would just put it in script format to get that effect, but I think scripts are a little bit harder to read (and furthermore I'm not entirely sure on how to do professional TV scripts yet).

[Gatac]

Ah, you're asking for an Exo-Site. That makes more sense.

As for present tense, it can be made to work. (I use it on one of my series, too.) But it requires that you break up your stories more into distinct scenes. TV series have tons of cuts as the rule, not the exception. Consider my recently-written example:

Sitting in the Chevelle with Az, Jake Aurelius and Chrome, Jack surveys the area with a pair of light-amplifying binoculars. His headset crackles with Helsing's voice.

"All teams, report status."

Jack taps the transmit button on his device.

"Alpha ready."

--------------

Sharon and a few other officers with precision rifles storm up a staircase to the second floor of an abandoned office building nearby. As the other guys swarm into the room and begin to prepare their rifles, Sharon activates her mike.

"Bravo setting up shop, we're three minutes behind. Henderson's got your basic needs covered, but we won't be up to full strength until we've had a moment to assemble the heavy rifles."

--------------

Yet another team of officers dashes across the street to the warehouse, illuminated by the street lamps. All of them wear SWAT-issue breeching armor and look nearly identical beneath it, but the leader is obvious due to him wielding a shotgun while everyone else clings to MP5s. Once at the warehouse's wall, the leader taps his headset, the voice identifying him as Sheppard.

"Cain ready."

--------------

At the main entrance, Helsing leads a group of officers with less armor and shotguns into position. Hunkering down next to the door, Helsing checks again for possible video surveillance, but the place appears to be totally isolated - no windows, no cameras.

"Omega to all teams, we're waiting a minute for Bravo. Keep your eyes open and your finger off the trigger. Oh, and Cain? What's wrong with Charlie?"

--------------

Sheppard checks his shotgun and loads a fragmenting charge, grinning as he looks at the doorlock.

"I don't like Charlie."

Helsing's reply comes over the radio.

"Just don't go My Lai on them, Cain. Subdue's the magic word today."
"Should I write that down?"
"I don't think you'll be quizzed later. Just keep the violence to a minimum."
"Roger that, Omega."

--------------

Helsing looks around from his vantage point, moving his shoulders around to get his Spectra vest into a more comfortable position. After a few seconds, the radio cracks again.

"Bravo to Omega, we're ready to drop anybody up to half a mile away."
"Good news, Bravo. Observe and fire when I say, alright?"
"Hold fire. Got it."
"Omega to all teams, final check. Report in."
"Alpha still ready."
"Bravo ready."
"Cain locked and loaded."
"Omega to Cain...GO!"

I'm the first to admit it's not Shakespeare, but I think it works quite well in portraying a rapidly cut, action-rich sequence. Generally speaking, the only time long passages of present tense really work is combat (or other action scenes). Otherwise, break it up into small scenes or with dialogue.

Gatac

[Xeroc]

Well, I think allowing the concept of a fiver on an another site run by you, sounds okay to me. I would definitely reccomend writing quite a bit of it before doing any parodies, however.

[catalina_marina]

I agree. An exosite is a different matter entirely.

[antodav]

Yes, an exosite. Sorry, I couldn't think of the word with which to explain myself better.

I agree with you, Gatac, about present tense. I do that later on (in "The Warriors of Starfleet, Part II") and elsewhere in the series much more than I do in Part I. The thing is that most of the episode is spent still introducing Henderson to the audience, and so it's mostly just scenes involving him. In Part II, there are more scenes that focus on more than just one character, and the characters are all roundly developed. Most of the scenes are a lot shorter as well.

In Part I, however, you've got long scenes, such as the briefings, that can't really be broken up logically. I've read Part I so many times that I'm kind of sick of it and I've stopped seeing it as being as good as I always used to think it was. However, I'm not about to change it now. I was irritated enough when I had to change the teaser of the episode in order to fit with continuity (i.e., the intention of the writers of "Endgame" when they were on crack). Originally I think I had something a lot more believable.

I'm not working tomorrow, and all I've got scheduled is a trip to Costco with my mom :roll: . When I'm done with that I'll try to see if I can get "The Warriors of Starfleet, Part II" available for you guys to look at as well.

Antodav

[PointyHairedJedi]

Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi

...5MV exosites around.

:roll:

:P