June 17

[Zeke]

Here's our content for Day 3 of Cliffhanger Week....

[*]DS9's "The Siege" by Kira, wrapping up the trilogy.[*]The OC's "The Dearly Beloved," the shocking season finale, by me.[*]The beginning of another TNG two-parter: Next Gen's "Gambit I" by Derek.[*]And finally, Cliffhangers, Part 2, by Derek.[/list]

Be here tomorrow for Day 4, which for a change will not be distributed DS9/OC/TNG!

[mudshark]

First: Zeke, there's something seriously wrong with that link for "Gambit 1" -- twice, it started my HD spinning continuously, and nothing worked; I had to do a hard restart to get out of it. Have a look at it, please? I'll read the fiver when it's safe.

Now, then:

Day: What the..? Let us out of here!
Sisko: Not until I've delivered this message. "Honorable ministers, distinguished Vedeks, I come to you under the gravest of circumstances. The..." Oops, wrong message. Here... no, that's not it either. I know I have it here somewhere....
Day: Improvise, dammit!

Jaro: What is she doing here? Guards!
Kira: I'm not leaving until I deliver this message. "Colonel Day, years ago you served your people in the Cardassian Wars. Now they beg you to help them in their struggle against..." Wait, this isn't the right message.

:snicker:

Dax: The Bajorans are gaining on us! I hope you've got a plan!
Kira: Of course I have a plan. I'm going to try a strategic dive into the troposphere followed by a sudden arboreal stop.
Dax: So... you're going to crash us into some trees.
Kira: And how.

Derek, that was a delightfully deranged "Cliffhangers", and I'll get back to you on "Gambit".

And those are some messed-up people in the O.C.

Good work, all!

[Derek]

Yes, Kira, kudos on your fiver. It's really hilarious. Lots of Star Wars. And I like the joke of Li's inability to speak in front of people between your and Marc's fivers.

And I didn't realize this until the other day, but during 5MD's anniversary, we published "Duet" and the comic "In the Hands of the Prophets", both of which help set up the Circle trilogy, not to mention directly precede it, so it's sort of like a Douglas Adams trilogy.

Great job on the OC, Zeke. I don't quite understand all the jokes, or all the characters (I originally thought Sandy would be a girl), but oh well.

And yeah, something's seriously wrong with Gambit. It didn't quite crash my computer, but it ground it to a halt for a good long time, only to show me a gabillion php errors when the server finally ran out of memory. For those of you interested in Gambit, it went something like:

La Forge: Picard's dead; Riker's been captured; now what do we do?
Data: I don't know, but I don't like the way Worf keeps eyeing the captain's chair.

[Marc]

>> And I like the joke of Li's inability to speak in front of people between your and Marc's
fivers. <<

I got a good laugh too to see that in Kira's fiver Li still can't get more than two words out when speaking in public. It's a good thing he was working an easy crowd.

>> And yeah, something's seriously wrong with Gambit. <<

It upset my computer too.

>> during 5MD's anniversary, we published "Duet" and the comic "In the Hands of the Prophets", both of which help set up the Circle trilogy <<

Along the same lines, readers who were baffled by the closing gag in "Duet" may have noted that all three parts of the Circle Trilogy provide the explanation. Think of it as a delayed-action joke.

[Anonymous]

Try the link on the front page. It works fine for me.

Front page link: http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=gambit1

News/BB page link:http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=gambit

[Anonymous]

Ack! Okay, here it is for real:

Front page link: http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=gambit1

News/BB page link: http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=gambit

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Baran: What should we do with the Starfleet officer?
Narik and Vekor: Burn him!
Baran: And what do we burn apart from Starfleet officers?
Galen: More Starfleet officers!
Baran: Suddenly I am overcome by a very strange sense of irony.

There's been an awful lot of Monty Python lately. Stop stealing my schtick, all of you. :P

Data: If they're going after Romulan artifacts, we'll need to warn the outpost on Calder Two.
Geordi: Why Calder Two?
Data: The Lieutenant there owes me money.

This has to be the longest running gag I've ever seen. Well done.

Baran: So now what are you going to do?
Riker: I saw this in a movie once. We get the command codes for the ship and tell it to lower its shields!
Baran: Sounds like a pretty stupid movie.
Tallera: It was. I much preferred the two after it.

Worf: Our shields aren't lowering.
Data: Lower them!

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Sisko: Good news, everyone! Look what I got in the mail this morning -- the provisional government has invited us to remain on the station.
O'Brien: Sir, it says it's an unvitation.
Sisko: What? Those jerks! That does it, we're going commando.
Bashir: Do you mean --
Sisko: In the army sense, Doctor.
Bashir: Ah.

*znerk* The sad thing is that I had Bashir's reaction before I read Bashir's line.

Sisko: What's Quark done now, Constable?
Quark: Look, if this is about my overbooking seats, you've obviously never flown Air Ferenginar.
Odo: Actually, Quark, I'd like you to explain these.
Sisko: A wig, high heels, and a woman's dress?

Excuse me. I'm going to go poke out my eyes with a fork. *twitch*

Kira: What the... Bareil? Where am I? How did you get here?
Bareil: I was in the forest meditating on an ancient riddle when your shuttle went down. I found you and brought you here to the monestary.
Kira: It's lucky that our shuttle crashed in that forest.
Bareil: And that I was there to hear it.

It's all Bareil's fault. If he hadn't been there to hear it, they shuttle never would have crashed. Or something.

Sisko: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bashir: The slow motion's over, sir.
Sisko: Damn, I never seem to be able to nail that.

Hah! I love it.

Zeke: Now there's a well-read spider.

Marc: Must have eaten a bookworm.

IJD: What's more troubling is the hourglass on its back.

Redbacks are scarier (and bigger) than black widows.

Derek: You're in my narration of what our adventure should be like. Sit still and enjoy the ride.

IJD: It bothers me that I'm part of Derek's fantasy.

Kira: It bothers you?

*znerk*

Derek: Ow. Someone just hit me with a snowball!

IJD: Don't look at me. I don't even know how to make snowballs.

Kira: (whistles)

Hey! That's national profiling. Just because she comes from a frozen wasteland, you automatically assume she knows how to make snowballs.

*hides pile of snowballs behind nearby moose*

White Witch: I can turn things to stone with my wand. For instance, see that cedar tree?

IJD: Yeah?

(The tree turns to stone.)

White Witch: Now are you afraid?

IJD: I'm petrified!

Booooooo! (In Bizarro world, boo means yay).

Excellent work. Can't wait for the next installment.

[Zeke]

That guest is right -- I left out the 1 in the link in this thread and on the news page. The front page was fine, which is why I didn't notice.

In future, I strongly suggest that if a 5M link you click on takes more than a second or two to load, you just press Stop or Back rather than letting it continue to infinite-loop till it crashes something....

[NAHTMMM]

Sisko: Good news, everyone! Look what I got in the mail this morning -- the provisional government has invited us to remain on the station.
O'Brien: Sir, it says it's an unvitation.
Sisko: What? Those jerks! That does it, we're going commando.
Bashir: Do you mean --
Sisko: In the army sense, Doctor.
Bashir: Ah.

Quark: There aren't enough runabouts for everyone to get off the station, Rom. Do you know what this means?
Rom: One of us is going to have a whirlwind romance before dying tragically?
Quark: No, idiot! We're going to be rich!
Rom: By finding a priceless blue diamond?
Quark: Shut up. Just shut up.

Heheheh.

Bashir: Bashir. Julian Bashir. You have the right to remained suckered, suckers.
Sisko: (over the comm) Good work, Doctor.
Bashir: Thank you, sir. I was going to go with "I'm Julian Bashir! Don't you read history?" but then I thought --
Sisko: I meant capturing the Bajorans.
Bashir: Oh.

Dax: The Bajorans are gaining on us! I hope you've got a plan!
Kira: Of course I have a plan. I'm going to try a strategic dive into the troposphere followed by a sudden arboreal stop.
Dax: So... you're going to crash us into some trees.
Kira: And how.

:lol:

Julie: Sandy? Kirsten just poured every drink at the party into one gigantic cocktail.
Sandy: Honey, no! That thing must be about 4000 proof! You'll --
(FWOOOSH)
Kirsten: (on fire) Now look, you've made a scene.

Sandy: Seth... your mother has a drinking problem.
Seth: Yo' momma so fat, she got her own event horizon.
Sandy: (sigh) No. Your actual mother has an actual drinking problem. Now help me ship her off.
Seth: What? No! Mom's fine!
Sandy: This morning she drank your aftershave.
Seth: Like any caring mother would!

:lol:

Doctor: Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes.

Sandy: Time for the group hug, guys. -- Hey, not you!
Doctor: I'm so lonely.

Heehee.

Jess: Then I'm coming too! I never liked Newport anyway. Everyone here is so... so....
Trey: Reluctant to have massive orgies on crack?
Jess: Exactly! Puritanical!

:lol: :twisted: :lol:

Seth: Pretty much. So don't do anything crazy, okay?
Ryan: Oh, I won't. Unless it's crazy to tear your own brother limb from limb.
Seth: Good stuff. Have fun.
(20 minutes later)
Seth: Wait a second -- that is crazy!

Ryan: I found out what you did, Trey. And now you're gonna die.
Trey: (draws gun) Whoa! I think not, bro. I'm not putting down this gun till you back out of the --
Ryan: Shoe's untied.
Trey: Again? I -- OW!

Yranac: Hey, I'm no stool pigeon!
Riker: But you're still a canary, so start singing.
Yranac: The bald eagle-eyed guy was shot and flew against that wall and was vaporized.

Data: Whatever, I'm beaming down to the planet.
Worf: As acting first officer, I must question your decision.
Data: Okay, okay, I'll let others beam down with me.
Worf: Good.

Heehee :mrgreen:

Worf: Our shields aren't lowering.
Data: Lower them!

:mrgreen:

Alien 1: Greetings, Earthlings. We have randomly selected you from the population of the Earth.
Kira: Right. Randomly, but we just happen to all be part of the 5MV Staff.

:mrgreen:

Zeke: Those cruel aliens! Did they have to abduct wardrobes too?
Marc: Quick, the aliens are still after us! Into the wardrobe.
IJD: Wait a minute, there's something familiar about this.

Hmmm...

Derek: Ow. Someone just hit me with a snowball!

Uh-HUH :P

(The tree turns to stone.)
White Witch: Now are you afraid?
IJD: I'm petrified!

:mrgreen:

Marc: I don't know. Shouldn't Zeke be making this decision?
Kira: You mean the Zeke that just ran off over the cliff shouting "I'm in the sunlight and I'm not on fire!"?

:lol:

[mudshark]

Originally Posted by Zeke

In future, I strongly suggest that if a 5M link you click on takes more than a second or two to load, you just press Stop or Back rather than letting it continue to infinite-loop till it crashes something....

Couldn't. As I said, nothing worked -- not the browser buttons, not the key-commands. (I compared the code to that for what I knew was a working link, but missed the missing "1".) Anyway, glad it's figured out.

Onward:

Data: The artifacts on the planet are Romulan in origin.
Worf: Hey, the leader of the group that abducted Riker was a Romulan! Well, half-Romulan anyway.

Heh heh heh heh.

Tallera: What's your malfunction? Why are you opposing Baran?
Galen: I'm just trying to prove that I can be a shady, amoral mercenary.
Tallera: Don't give me that. I know you're just a Mary Jayne.

Heheheh.
Well, that was worth the wait. Great Part 1, Derek. I wait to see what happens in Part 2.

Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm

*hides pile of snowballs behind nearby moose*

Shouldn't that be møøse?

[danieldoof]

Baran: What should we do with the Starfleet officer?
Narik and Vekor: Burn him!
Baran: And what do we burn apart from Starfleet officers?
Galen: More Starfleet officers!
Baran: Suddenly I am overcome by a very strange sense of irony.

Sa'ar Chasm wrote:
*hides pile of snowballs behind nearby moose*
Shouldn't that be møøse?

bwahahahahahah


just watched the holy grale and life of brian for the 500th time or so

great references :wink:

[Xeroc]

Great stuff all!


Zeke - you really should fix that infinite loop problem. It's causing lots of problems.


I happen to have a very fast computer with lots of memory, and a really fast internet connection, so that link ate up 400 megabytes of memory in less than a second!

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Zeke - you really should fix that infinite loop problem. It's causing lots of problems.

He's on it. Give the man a little room to work *g*

[PointyHairedJedi]

Dammit, I go away for the weekend and what happens? I miss all the really interesting errors. Bah. :cry:

(Yeah yeah, the fivers were very funny to, probably.)

[Marc]

Kira: Of course I have a plan. I'm going to try a strategic dive into the troposphere followed by a sudden arboreal stop.
Dax: So... you're going to crash us into some trees.

"Sudden arboreal stop" -- heheheh.

Phaser: zzzzaaaaapppp
Li: (diving) NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sisko: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bashir: The slow motion's over, sir.
Sisko: Damn, I never seem to be able to nail that.

I can really picture this.