The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > FiveMinute.net > Fiver By Committee
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-02-2010, 07:10 AM
Zeke's Avatar
Zeke Zeke is offline
The lens that flares in the night
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 3,403
Send a message via ICQ to Zeke Send a message via AIM to Zeke Send a message via Yahoo to Zeke
Default Block 2-2: Politics as usual

The stage is set; time to finally meet a couple of our main characters. First we have President Whitmore (Bill Pullman), who's loosely Clinton-based but reminds me more of B5's John Sheridan. He wakes up next to his young daughter, takes a call from his wife, and then briefly talks politics with his communications director, Constance; finally the SecDef calls with the big news. Constance, as we'll find out later, is the ex-wife of...

David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum), who's playing chess with his dad in Central Park. His dad -- named Julius in the film, Moishe in the script -- is a Jewish cliche, so naturally he's nagging his son. David then goes to his job at a cable company, where his boss Marty, who's been trying to reach him for a while, is in a panic -- all the satellites in Earth orbit have suddenly stopped responding.

One or two scenes for each paragraph, ideally not two for both. (Personally, I'd leave out Constance's first appearance; we can establish her later.) Script's still here.

Side note: The First Lady is played by Mary McDonnell, who was already famous at this point for Dances With Wolves, but is best known these days as BSG's Laura Roslin. Naturally this is prime reference fodder, especially since there's a scene where she's dying.
__________________
FiveMinute.net: because stuff is long and life is short

[03:17] FiveMinZeke: Galactica clearly needs the advanced technology of scissors, which get around the whole "yanking on your follicles" problem.
[03:17] IJD: cylons can hack any blades working in conjunction
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-02-2010, 02:56 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Arrow

Patricia: I wuv my daddy!
Constance: The evil, heartless media is picking on you!
President Whitmore: Now that I've been sufficiently demonstrated to be a Good Guy, let's give the audience what they came for: two men playing chess.

David: Geez, what's going to kill this planet first: your disregard for ecological concerns, or the alien ship screwing with television reception?
Julius: Probably both.




And because someone had to say it . . .


Satellite: In Soviet Russia, satellite smashes YOU!
Mothership: Are we *in* Soviet Russia?
Satellite: Er, no.
Mothership: Well, then . . .
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-20-2010, 11:11 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

My second scene might be a bit weak, but I think the first one's pretty good. What do you all think? Funny? Not?
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-27-2010, 09:08 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

"Habitably" makes me wince.

Here's my stab at a first block; I'll have to go and think about the second (I quite like yours, NAH, but it's maybe a bit too short).

Quote:
President Whitmore: Ah, Constance, walk with me.
Constance: I'm afraid I have to report that as far as the media is concerned, the sheen has come off your presidency.
Whitmore: Any suggestions?
Constance: We could have our meetings in offices like normal people, for starters.
It doesn't quite cover all the bases, I know. Needs work!
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-27-2010, 09:49 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Heh. About the only way any scene I write could be "too short" would be by tempting me to allow myself an overlong scene later on in the belief that "It all averages out".

That said, there's room for a line by the President's wife. I don't know what she'd say, though. The obvious line is to the effect of "You're cheating on me?" but that would sidetrack my snarky, deconstructionist version. Maybe a throwaway line "Wait, what's this about a blonde?"

I do feel like another meta-line, about "I am trying to keep my family in line and failing adorably" or something, would be too much. I'm not familiar with Dances With Wolves or BSG, so maybe someone can come up with something based on one or the other.



Anyway, your scene is funny, too.
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-22-2010, 09:32 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Anyone else have any thoughts?
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 01-07-2011, 06:48 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Patricia: I wuv my daddy!
Constance: The evil, heartless media is picking on you!
President Whitmore: Now that I've been sufficiently demonstrated to be a Good Guy, let's give the audience what they came for: two men playing chess.

David: Geez, what's going to kill this planet first: your disregard for ecological concerns, or the alien ship screwing with television reception?
Julius: Why don't you focus on smaller matters first, like cleaning up your love life?
David: Because it's so much more fun to yell at others about cleaning up the world. Speaking of which, gotta get to my workplace. People have been putting bottles in the trash can all week, and I'm looking forward to throwing a tantrum about it.
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-01-2011, 07:42 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

After giving it a great deal of careful, selfless, objective consideration, I think we should add a line about how awesome certain seven-letter acronyms are. The President could say it, or maybe there could be a random Greek chorus hired for the purpose.

*nods solemnly*
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-14-2012, 06:34 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Given the announced titles for the sequels, we'll probably want to work "forever" in at some point.
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-14-2012, 11:01 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
You just activated his Trek card
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 4,992
Default

Something tells me this comver will never be finished.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
fbc2


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:31 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.