The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > FiveMinute.net > 5MV Talk
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-12-2004, 04:55 PM
Alexia's Avatar
Alexia Alexia is offline
La la la, I can't hear you
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The island not in the sun
Posts: 1,267
Send a message via ICQ to Alexia Send a message via AIM to Alexia Send a message via MSN to Alexia Send a message via Yahoo to Alexia
Default TJI Christmas special: Zeke, this is your Life!

Quote:
TJI takes a very special look into the life of Zeke

At this early stage, this reporter would like to point out that she would have hired Michael Aspel for this, but unfortunately on a limited budget he would only go as far presenting a small, redish postage stamp instead of the usual big, red book, and only accompany it with the words “This is”. Apparently the “your life” part is rather pricey. In the spirit of Christmas generosity, this reporter has improvised and is going to do the job herself, for a much reduced price, and may I add, without the dodgy accent.

So, Zeke: Thiiiiiiiiis iiiiiiiiiiiiiiis yooooooooooooooooooooour (virtual, short due to extremely limited information) liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife. © The people who thought of it.

Colin “Zeke” Hayman was a born over 20 years ago a beautiful, bouncing baby boy. But this reporter isn’t actually interesting in that. Gifted as he is, I doubt he could use a computer straight from birth. So we’re going to skip a bit to the summer of 2000.

Ahhhhhh, that fateful summer of 2000, when an inspired young Zeke chanced upon the idea of a “five minute” version of a popular television show Star Trek Voyager. The inspiration came from when his Grade 10 English class was studying Twelfth Night, and he saw something called "Five-Minute Twelfth Night" on his teacher's desk, proving that school is indeed useful for something. It was obvious that this idea was BIG and was defiantly going places. Naturally he needed a home for his work, and so Five Minute Voyager was born, and I, for one, am a very happy reporter because of it.

Pretty soon Zeke was busy “fiving” other series as well as Voyager, and the site had grown from a graphic with a couple of fivers to a top rated, multi fandom parody site. The demand for fivers was high and fans soon turned into guest writers. As more and more series began to appear on the site, Zeke acquired staff members by various ways and means, as well as a site manager to help him answer all his fan mail and requests for fivers. This reporter caught up with some of the staff, who wanted to pay tribute to Zeke, and in some cases, ask for a pay rise.

“I liked the concept from the start. The “fivers” were all extremely amusing. I saw the potential of the site and I wanted a part in it,” said Marc Richard, head of Five Minute: The Next Generation. “It’s been a step in the right direction of my total world domination-err, I mean, my peaceful hobby. Yes.”

“In contrast to the other section heads, I kept writing fivers until Zeke offered me a position in order to get me to stop.” said DS9 head Derek Dean. “It didn’t work of course.” This reporter was then subjected to 47 straight minutes of extremely over the top, evil laughter.

“Pay rise? You mean Zeke actually pays his staff members?” exclaimed The Original Series head IJDGAF.

As well as amusing the globe for 4 and a half years, Zeke has created a community full of diverse individuals. It takes some pretty special people to make 248 pages of word association, and that’s just on the current version of the forum. This reporter caught up with some famous forum faces.

“I think you’ll find its fora.” interjected Mr. Sa’ar Chasm.

“Zeke? Oh, he’s cool. He hasn’t cottoned on to my secret dried frog pill smuggling industry I run from the forums yet, so until he does we’re the best of buddies.” said long time forumgoer PointyHairedJedi.

When this reporter pointed out that it wasn’t so much of a secret anymore and he was actually being taped, Mr. Jedi became uncharacteristically violent. This reporter still has the bruises but is printing the story anyway. And don’t even think of coming after me because I have hired Taya17 as a body guard. 17 wasn’t available to comment in person due to a demanding schedule that has kept her away from the forums, err, fora, but has asked that Mr. Jedi be made aware of a glowing 5 mile long space station with his name on it. She also added, “You rule Zeke.”

Nan was found buried under a pile of paper and art equipment. From what this reporter could make out, she was busy making a “Zeke Rules, Beltran Drools” banner. I did not stop long enough to enquire as to why.

“Vote Lexy & Sab!” screamed Fuyu Ginga. While this reporter stopped the screaming and reminded Ms. Ginga of the nature of the interview, she did however allow the frenzied banner wavage to continue, and tolerated the flashing Janeway wearing santa hats earings. “Zeke PWNS!” was the final response gotten from her before she went back to hugging sig kitty and making Zeke an “I am the PWNAGE” badge.

I think forum members, staff members, and all 5MV fans alike will join me in saying Merry Christmas to Mr. Zeke and wish him the very best in his future 5MV endeavors. Keep it up, and Zeke, this is your (virtual, short due to extremely limited information) liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.

© Alexia 2004
Disclaimer: Some or all facts may be partially or completely made up. 100% unauthorized TJI done only for the amusement of myself and hopefully Zeke. What do you mean it’s not funny? I laughed ok?
__________________
Alexia: You have to laugh, or you'd kill yourself xD
Lostoyannaya: Yes. Now take that noose off your neck and get down from the chair. IN THAT ORDER.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-12-2004, 05:30 PM
Ginga's Avatar
Ginga Ginga is offline
Outside looking in
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,467
Default

Hmmm. I suddenly have this strange urge to start screaming "Zeke is t3h pwnage"...

I wonder why... :wink:


Hehe, I love it all. XD

And Zeke is t3h pwnage! Rawk on, Zeke. :mrgreen:

Well, rawk on "soon", at least. :P
__________________
What further instructions could there be besides, 'Kiss your ass goodbye'?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-12-2004, 06:46 PM
Zeke's Avatar
Zeke Zeke is offline
The lens that flares in the night
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 3,403
Send a message via ICQ to Zeke Send a message via AIM to Zeke Send a message via Yahoo to Zeke
Default

Not only did I need this like you would not BELIEVE, but two minutes after I read it, I found the set theory papers I was utterly doomed without.

Lexy, you are a Christmas miracle.
__________________
FiveMinute.net: because stuff is long and life is short

[03:17] FiveMinZeke: Galactica clearly needs the advanced technology of scissors, which get around the whole "yanking on your follicles" problem.
[03:17] IJD: cylons can hack any blades working in conjunction
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-12-2004, 09:28 PM
admiral sab's Avatar
admiral sab admiral sab is offline
5MAwwwwww
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: at my house
Posts: 618
Send a message via AIM to admiral sab Send a message via Yahoo to admiral sab
Default

aww that's sweet!

Of course you left out a very critical point in his life... The Deltachat Days and of course Fatherly Uncle Jim who made it possible for me to know Zeke and for Zeke's site to gain popularity. Not that the fivers themeselves weren't doing the job, but it never hurts to have Jim Wright put a link on his immensely popular site.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-12-2004, 09:48 PM
Alexia's Avatar
Alexia Alexia is offline
La la la, I can't hear you
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The island not in the sun
Posts: 1,267
Send a message via ICQ to Alexia Send a message via AIM to Alexia Send a message via MSN to Alexia Send a message via Yahoo to Alexia
Default

Ahh...well I didn't know about that :wink: Hence the extremely limited knowledge bit :wink:

Glad you liked it Zeke! I did it for you :mrgreen:
__________________
Alexia: You have to laugh, or you'd kill yourself xD
Lostoyannaya: Yes. Now take that noose off your neck and get down from the chair. IN THAT ORDER.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-12-2004, 09:51 PM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

*Would post but is back in monastery in cave* - Ah crap! Weeell, I'm here now, so nice TJI, Lexy! It's very.....Aspel-ish.....lol....
And now, in a blatant vote-winning and cashing-in-on-the-cheer-up-Zeke-scene scam, I would like to award this special err....award, which has only been awarded to 5MV out of the entire web,




EDIT: And now I'm back to my monastery in a cave. Oh, and this pie is key lime, naturally.......I like key lime...I'd forgotten...How odd I am...*goes off, mumbling to his cave*
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-12-2004, 10:00 PM
Alexia's Avatar
Alexia Alexia is offline
La la la, I can't hear you
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The island not in the sun
Posts: 1,267
Send a message via ICQ to Alexia Send a message via AIM to Alexia Send a message via MSN to Alexia Send a message via Yahoo to Alexia
Default

LOL well, I'm not sure it deserved an award but the pie is appreciated :mrgreen: Stay out from your cave and share it with me How about bringing some festive love into this thread?



:mrgreen: Took me 5 minutes to make :wink: Also, I'm not convinced that's actually how you spell bouble :wink: But hey ho :mrgreen:
__________________
Alexia: You have to laugh, or you'd kill yourself xD
Lostoyannaya: Yes. Now take that noose off your neck and get down from the chair. IN THAT ORDER.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-12-2004, 11:41 PM
Scooter's Avatar
Scooter Scooter is offline
Doctoral candidate
Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Earth, again
Posts: 831
Send a message via AIM to Scooter
Default

Excellent. Thanks Lexy!
__________________
An updated list of all my online writing can be found here. Check it out.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-13-2004, 02:43 AM
admiral sab's Avatar
admiral sab admiral sab is offline
5MAwwwwww
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: at my house
Posts: 618
Send a message via AIM to admiral sab Send a message via Yahoo to admiral sab
Default

um Lexy I don't think the award was for you... um I think it was for Five Minute Voyager ...

oh and I must add that this TJI wasn't a scam for votes! But hey if you wanna vote Lexy and Sab because of it, who am I to stand in your way!

Happy Holidays!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-13-2004, 03:27 AM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Quote:
When this reporter pointed out that it wasn’t so much of a secret anymore and he was actually being taped, Mr. Jedi became uncharacteristically violent. This reporter still has the bruises but is printing the story anyway. And don’t even think of coming after me because I have hired Taya17 as a body guard. 17 wasn’t available to comment in person due to a demanding schedule that has kept her away from the forums, err, fora, but has asked that Mr. Jedi be made aware of a glowing 5 mile long space station with his name on it.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-13-2004, 07:50 AM
Alexia's Avatar
Alexia Alexia is offline
La la la, I can't hear you
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The island not in the sun
Posts: 1,267
Send a message via ICQ to Alexia Send a message via AIM to Alexia Send a message via MSN to Alexia Send a message via Yahoo to Alexia
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by admiral sab
um Lexy I don't think the award was for you... um I think it was for Five Minute Voyager ...

oh and I must add that this TJI wasn't a scam for votes! But hey if you wanna vote Lexy and Sab because of it, who am I to stand in your way!
Yeah, I realised that after I posted it :wink: And of course it wasn't a scam for votes! :mrgreen:

Oooh NAH quoted me! Cool! :wink: :mrgreen:
__________________
Alexia: You have to laugh, or you'd kill yourself xD
Lostoyannaya: Yes. Now take that noose off your neck and get down from the chair. IN THAT ORDER.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-13-2004, 03:03 PM
Hotaru's Avatar
Hotaru Hotaru is offline
Lone Ranger
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Where it's cold in winter and hot in summer, yet not warm in spring.
Posts: 1,041
Default

Very funny Lexy, but as you are my perfect date... why wasn't I in it!?

j/k I loved it.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 12-13-2004, 09:05 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

Most amsuing. My part was completely inaccurate though - me afraid of 17? Yeah, right.


You all look so sceptical all of a sudden.
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-13-2004, 11:30 PM
Hotaru's Avatar
Hotaru Hotaru is offline
Lone Ranger
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Where it's cold in winter and hot in summer, yet not warm in spring.
Posts: 1,041
Default

Well, no one is afraid of 17. We respect her for the lovely person she is.

::looks around nervously::
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-14-2004, 12:36 AM
Ginga's Avatar
Ginga Ginga is offline
Outside looking in
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,467
Default

I've barely had the chance to talk to 17, so I have no reason to be afraid of her. :twisted:
__________________
What further instructions could there be besides, 'Kiss your ass goodbye'?
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 12-14-2004, 02:39 PM
Nan Nan is offline
Gatekeeper
Exosite Head
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The 'Ship-Free Zone.
Posts: 1,455
Send a message via ICQ to Nan Send a message via Yahoo to Nan
Default

AHAHAHAHAHAH! Fools. :twisted:
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 12-14-2004, 06:07 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nan
AHAHAHAHAHAH! Fools. :twisted:
Who's more foolish? The fool, or the fool that pokes Nan repeatedly after repeated warnings not to?

So it doesn't have quite the same zing to it as the original, I admit...
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 12-15-2004, 12:04 AM
Nan Nan is offline
Gatekeeper
Exosite Head
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The 'Ship-Free Zone.
Posts: 1,455
Send a message via ICQ to Nan Send a message via Yahoo to Nan
Default

The latter, I would imagine. I dunno if 17's ever put a guy in a chokehold for taking her chair.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 12-15-2004, 03:36 AM
Hotaru's Avatar
Hotaru Hotaru is offline
Lone Ranger
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Where it's cold in winter and hot in summer, yet not warm in spring.
Posts: 1,041
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nan
AHAHAHAHAHAH! Fools. :twisted:
Who's more foolish? The fool, or the fool that pokes Nan repeatedly after repeated warnings not to?
I stopped! Eventually...
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 12-15-2004, 09:44 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nan
The latter, I would imagine. I dunno if 17's ever put a guy in a chokehold for taking her chair.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Well, now I could try it, but I hardly think the results would be unbiased.

Hotaru - and that's the only reason that you're still with us today.
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:54 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.