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Old 12-21-2004, 01:19 AM
Sa'ar Chasm's Avatar
Sa'ar Chasm Sa'ar Chasm is offline
Our last, best hope for peace
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sitting (in Ottawa)
Posts: 3,425

Man, this is bad. What did I ever do to deserve this?

(Three days ago at a Maquis base)
Cal Hudson: I need to go to the bathroom. Don't touch the weapons console.
Kira: Aye aye, sir!
(Hudson leaves. Kira stares at the button marked "Fire 600 warheads at Cardassia Prime." Her eyes shift back and forth.)

Zeke: Helping nature along?
IJD: It was this or hitting rocks with hammers for no reason.
I'd always wondered why prisoners did that.

Zeke: (looks around) Quite the little grove you've got here. Are these all --
IJD: Cedar, yeah.
This is worse than me and lemmings.

IJD: You mean Kira? She's probably in the Badlands. You know, Saskatchewan.
ZING! Strictly speaking the Badlands are in Alberta, but Kira couldn't be persuaded to move for the sake of that joke.

IJD: (squinting) I guess a gigantic spoon counts as something, yeah.
There is no...oh, never mind.

But our ship is in and out in five minutes.
Ooooh, *subtext*.

Zeke: (turns to the staff) Gentlemen, I'm afraid I've forgotten your names.
First Officer: Don't worry about it. We have years to get to know each other. I'm --
Dude! Careful! That's like saying you have a week until retirement in a cop movie.

Stadi: Yes, ma'am!
Zeke: It's not cross-dressing time yet, Ensign. I'll let you know when.

Tactical Officer: Sir! I'm detecting a wave. A displacement wave. A tetryon displacement wave.
Ops Officer: ...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four chief weapons....
Oy! That's my schtick! :P

Ops Officer: Okay, you've made that joke three times since the mission started, and I don't intend to listen to it for an entire tour of duty. I'm getting killed too. (nudges the ceiling, which gives way and crushes him)
Wasn't Harry the Ops officer?

In his situation, I'd probably choose death over bad jokes as well.

IJD: (checks) You'd better sit down for this.
Zeke: My chair is covered in sharp debris.
IJD: I know, it'll be funny.

Marc: I can see that. Very well, please line up in alphabetical order.
I see everyone's being drawn true to life here.

Marc: Yet again, for the first time, no one has remembered to turn me off.
'cause if they did, they'd have to turn him o--I don't think I'll finish that.

Farmer: Good girl, honey. Now give it to 'im.
(Sally rears back and whacks IJD in the face with the hoe.)

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.
ARRRRGH! The puns, the puns, they hurt!

IJD: I'm in it for the EXP.
300 more and he'll be level 6.

Zeke: We're alone. In an uncharted part of the galaxy....
It's not uncharted, you lost the charts. Aw, Futurama.

Derek: Five of Five to Unicomplex. Mission complete. But I still don't understand why it was necessary to destroy that array and the smaller ship.
The plot thickens. Dun dun DUN DUN dun duuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Impressive piece of literature. Can't wait for part 2.
The first run through of any experimental procedure is to identify any potential errors by making them.
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