12-21-2004, 01:19 AM
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Our last, best hope for peace
Staff
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sitting (in Ottawa)
Posts: 3,425
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Man, this is bad. What did I ever do to deserve this?
(Three days ago at a Maquis base)
Cal Hudson: I need to go to the bathroom. Don't touch the weapons console.
Kira: Aye aye, sir!
(Hudson leaves. Kira stares at the button marked "Fire 600 warheads at Cardassia Prime." Her eyes shift back and forth.)
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Zeke: Helping nature along?
IJD: It was this or hitting rocks with hammers for no reason.
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I'd always wondered why prisoners did that.
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Zeke: (looks around) Quite the little grove you've got here. Are these all --
IJD: Cedar, yeah.
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This is worse than me and lemmings.
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IJD: You mean Kira? She's probably in the Badlands. You know, Saskatchewan.
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ZING! Strictly speaking the Badlands are in Alberta, but Kira couldn't be persuaded to move for the sake of that joke.
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IJD: (squinting) I guess a gigantic spoon counts as something, yeah.
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There is no...oh, never mind.
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But our ship is in and out in five minutes.
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Ooooh, *subtext*.
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Zeke: (turns to the staff) Gentlemen, I'm afraid I've forgotten your names.
First Officer: Don't worry about it. We have years to get to know each other. I'm --
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Dude! Careful! That's like saying you have a week until retirement in a cop movie.
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Stadi: Yes, ma'am!
Zeke: It's not cross-dressing time yet, Ensign. I'll let you know when.
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Tactical Officer: Sir! I'm detecting a wave. A displacement wave. A tetryon displacement wave.
Ops Officer: ...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four chief weapons....
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Oy! That's my schtick! :P
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Ops Officer: Okay, you've made that joke three times since the mission started, and I don't intend to listen to it for an entire tour of duty. I'm getting killed too. (nudges the ceiling, which gives way and crushes him)
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Wasn't Harry the Ops officer?
In his situation, I'd probably choose death over bad jokes as well.
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IJD: (checks) You'd better sit down for this.
Zeke: My chair is covered in sharp debris.
IJD: I know, it'll be funny.
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Marc: I can see that. Very well, please line up in alphabetical order.
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I see everyone's being drawn true to life here.
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Marc: Yet again, for the first time, no one has remembered to turn me off.
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'cause if they did, they'd have to turn him o--I don't think I'll finish that.
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Farmer: Good girl, honey. Now give it to 'im.
(Sally rears back and whacks IJD in the face with the hoe.)
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Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.
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ARRRRGH! The puns, the puns, they hurt!
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IJD: I'm in it for the EXP.
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300 more and he'll be level 6.
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Zeke: We're alone. In an uncharted part of the galaxy....
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It's not uncharted, you lost the charts. Aw, Futurama.
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Derek: Five of Five to Unicomplex. Mission complete. But I still don't understand why it was necessary to destroy that array and the smaller ship.
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The plot thickens. Dun dun DUN DUN dun duuuuuuuuuuuuun.
Impressive piece of literature. Can't wait for part 2.
__________________
The first run through of any experimental procedure is to identify any potential errors by making them.
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