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Old 09-08-2006, 09:08 PM
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Tate Tate is offline
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Location: Folsom, California
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Default Cliffhangers: The Saga Continues to Continue

I've gotten around to writing another episode of Cliffhangers. This time, I actually have plans for one more episode, so stick around (of course, if anyone else has plans for the next episode, I'd be happy to let them write it instead).

Note: This is the first Cliffhangers episode not to feature the author as a character.

Note: Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors in the Latin text.

Note: Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors in the English text as well.

Note: Of course, it would be more understandable for there to be errors in the Latin text, as I am not a native Latin speaker.

Note: Please excuse these excessive notes. They will end soon.

Note: This is the final note.

And here it is:

Cliffhangers, Part 9
By Tate
Previously on Cliffhangers....
Zeke: You know, the crowd does seem angry. Violent, even.
IJD: Hey! We don’t have to speak Latin! Those people were speaking English!
Scooter: I have a tricorder.
IJD: No, Scooter, that’s a sp-Hey! That’s a fork.
Valium: Final question: What is the natural logarithm of pi?
Sa’ar: Um…
Derek: See, at times like this it would be really useful to have Zeke with us.
IDJ: I’d like a lifeline.
Derek: IDJ, this is a court; we don’t get lifelines.
Valium: Actually, you do.
Scooter: Really? I love this legal system.
Sa’ar: So what’s the lifeline?
Valium: You get to bring in another person to help you answer the question.
Sa’ar: Can I bring in a calculator?
Valium: I’m afraid not.
Sa’ar: Rats. I guess we’ll bring in Zeke, then.
IDJ: Good idea. Kill two birds with one stone.
Valium: Oh yeah, about Zeke. See, there’s a slight problem…
Scooter: Was he killed by the angry mob?
Valium: No, nothing like that. What happened was…
Crowd: Death to Zeke!
Zeke: Mē audīte, Ō Rōmānī.
Man in Crowd: What did he say?
Other Man in Crowd: I know not.
Zeke: Non hostis tuī sum.
Man in Crowd: Speak words we can understand!
Zeke: Nihil malum factīvī.
Other Man in Crowd: I tire of this. Let us leave him.
IJD: Wait, Zeke speaks Latin? I didn’t know that!
Scooter: Maybe you did, and you just forgot.
Derek: Yeah, sounds like those parasites are at work again.
IJD: Parasites?
Derek: Zeke told me that you were infected by some trans-dimensional memory-eating parasites. It happened on the Sleapers adventure, a few dimensions before mine.
IJD: But I don’t remember that!
Derek: Exactly.
Valium: Anyway, the rest of the crowd couldn’t understand Latin. They started to get bored as Zeke continued to speak.
Sa’ar: Latin has that effect on people.
Valium: So the crowd began to disperse. But just when it looked like all would be well for Zeke…
Space-time Vortex: Open!
Zeke: Aaaagghh!
Valium: And with that, he disappeared.
Scooter: And you have no idea where he went?
Valium: He could be anywhere in inter-dimensional space.
Derek: Then I guess we’ll have to bring in someone else to help us, and then look for Zeke after we’re free.
Valium: You could do that. Or I could call a recess and let you look for him now.
Sa’ar: But how are we supposed to look for him? You said yourself that he could be anywhere.
Valium: You can borrow my TARDIS, if you like. It’s right out there in the courtyard.
Scooter: All right!
IJD: That’s pretty generous of you. Do we need to sign some papers promising not to scratch it or ditch it and make our getaway as soon as we leave?
Valium: No, I trust you. Just—hey! Wipe that mischievous grin off your face, mister.
Sa’ar: (grinning mischievously) I can’t help it. Someone has to grin mischievously now that Kira’s not here to do it anymore.
Valium: No you don’t. Now get going.
Derek: Right away.
(Our heroes file out of the courtroom and into the courtyard.)
Scooter: Isn’t it funny how both of those words start with ‘court?’
(Silence, orange-haired Muppet.)
Sa’ar: Well, here it is.
(The four of them stand facing a large, blue box with a light on top. A door is on the front, above which are the words ‘POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX.’ Derek eyes it dubiously.)
Derek: Are you sure there’s enough room in there for all of us?
Scooter: Haven’t you ever seen Doctor Who, Derek? Of course there’s enough room. It’s much bigger on the inside than on the outside. I’ll show you.
(Scooter opens the door and ushers the group in. After a moment of jostling, all four of them manage to squeeze into the box. There is barely enough room for them to stand up.)
Derek: …you were saying?
Scooter: Hmm…I guess Valium opted for the compact model. No problem. We don’t need to stay in here for long—just long enough to find Zeke. Now where is that activation switch?
(The door closes. A short time later, the TARDIS disappears. At that moment, Zeke runs into the courtroom.)
Zeke: Approximately one point one four! (Zeke looks around triumphantly, then notices that he is alone with Valium in the courtroom.)
Valium: Sorry, you just missed them. They’re off looking for you.
Zeke: Noooo! Why am I always late?
Valium: I’m sure a lot of your readers would like to know that too. The good news is that your answer to my question was correct, so you and the others are free to go.
Zeke: A lot of good that does me now.
Valium: Well, since you’re here, could you tell me something? How did you get out of the dimension where pi equals three?
(Zeke narrows his gaze and casts a suspicious look around the room. Satisfied that there are no eavesdroppers, he leans close to Valium and whispers…)
Zeke: It’s a secret.
Valium: Ah…

Last edited by Tate; 09-08-2006 at 09:11 PM.
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