Part Three: The Goron's Ruby
Navi: This is Death Mountain.
Link: Yeah, I know, Impa already told me. Are you actually going to tell me anything useful?
Navi: How about “look out for that heavy gate!”
Link: Oh yeah, that’s coher—ouch!
Navi: It’s good to be me.
Town Guard: None shall pass!
Link: Rule of three, huh?
Town Guard: Yeah. Now go away.
Link: But I have Zelda’s autograph!
Town Guard: It’s even notarized. Wow!
Navi: You actually want to go graverobbing to find a fireproof Hylian shield?
Link: Yeah. I’m that much of a cheapskate.
Navi: But what about that meddling kid who won’t let you touch anything?
Link: I suppose I’ll have to learn a song to turn night to day and get rid of him.
Navi: Yeah, right, that’s plausible. Where would you find something like—
Link: On this tombstone right here.
Navi: Smarty-pants. Humph.
Goron: I’m wallowing in depression since I can’t lick the Goron’s Ruby.
Link: That’s disturbing on about three different levels. Besides, how’d you get up here? This platform is supported by three ropes.
Goron: Um, magic?
Link: If this weren’t a pseudo-medieval fantasy, I’d smack you for being a smart-aleck, but that must be exactly what happened.
Link: Hey, let me in!
Darunia: I’m depressed. Go away!
Link: How about some ice cream?
Darunia: Rocky Road?
Link: Yeah!
Darunia: No! Psych!
Darunia: That’s a great song! How’d you make one ocarina sound like a whole orchestra?
Link: Magic. Can I have the Spiritual Stone now?
Darunia: Nah, you have to evict the Dodongo’s from Dodongo’s Cavern first.
Link: Why’s it called that if they’re the infestation?
Darunia: Well, we just thought that the name was catchier than what we used to call it.
Link: I shudder to ask.
Darunia: “The Cave of Caerbannogh.”
Link: Aaaaaarrrrggghhh!
Link: Let’s see. Huge boulder blocking the door to Dodongo’s Cavern. Highly unstable Bomb Flower on the ledge overlooking said huge boulder. I wonder what I should do?
Navi: Please tell me you’re joking.
Link: I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the bomb destroying the boulder. What were you saying?
Navi: I hate you.
Link: So nothing new, huh?
King Dodongo: Roar!
Link: Did you eat the jalapeno boulders again? Bad monster!
King Dodongo: Gak!
Link: Sorry, can’t hear you over the sound of you dying. I’m so cool.
Darunia: Hey, good job! You’re my Blood Brother from now on?
Link: Could I have the Goron’s Ruby instead?
Darunia: Ha ha ha! Such a kidder. Let me give you a noogie.
Link: No, really, the Spiritual Stone would be fine.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.
mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.
Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.
Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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