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Old 02-22-2018, 02:04 PM
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February 22nd, 1988, "Home Soil"

Fiver (by Derek)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Let's get this out of the way up front: even after having proof that the microbrain is alive the crew is still uncertain, and then even after having proof that the microbrain is sentient the crew is still uncertain. It gets really annoying really fast. Furthermore even if Data is excluded from the list of nonorganic life forms because he was constructed, at the very least we have the Horta, the Excalbians, and the Crystalline Entity as proof that such things are possible, so the characters should stop acting like such a thing is impossible!

Captain's log, stardate 41463.9. While mapping the Pleiades Cluster, we've been asked by the Federation to visit a group terraforming Velara Three. Communications have been erratic and there is some concern about their welfare.

This seems like a TOS premise, doesn't it? Ships spread much farther apart than usual and all that. And note that Picard said while they map the cluster, not suspend mapping the cluster to go somewhere else. By sheer coincidence the Enterprise happens to be next door to this place exactly when communications become erratic. Talk about narrative convenience....

TROI: I sense deliberate concealment, sir.
PICARD: Of what?
TROI: I don't know, but it's intense.

That "of what" almost sounds like Picard is expecting telepathy, not empathy. Ugh.

BENSON: An android?
TASHA: And third in command of the Enterprise.
BENSEN: Where were you manufactured? Are there others like you?
DATA: Both matters are subjects of protracted discussion.


You'd think all of the scientists in the Federation would know that an android is in Starfleet. There are still science journals in the future, right? These guys can't be so busy that they never have the time to curl up with a good book, even Scotty did that!

LUISA: The first phase involves selecting the planet. That's very important. It must have the right mass and gravity, the correct rate of rotation, and a balanced day and night. The planet must also be without life or the prospect of life developing naturally. The Federation determines if that's so.

Okay, time to bring up the Genesis Experiment. Without protomatter the instant process is impossible, and let's figure that most of the technology is dependent on said protomatter, so most of that research is useless. Even so, they managed to fill an underground cavern with life that was seemingly stable. None of this could be used to fill a planet with life in a timescale less than a lifetime? Do they have to plant all the seeds one by one?

LAFORGE: Data, what's happening?
DATA [OC]: Too much to explain.

"The drill is out of control and firing at me." That hardly seems like "too much to explain." Yikes, I can be pedantic sometimes...

PICARD: None at all, Mister Mandl. Until this is sorted out, I've provided temporary quarters for you and your staff. Perhaps you'd like to make use of them.
MANDL: You're overstepping your authority, Picard. You have no right to interfere.

Yeah, good luck defending that argument in court, Mandl. I'm pretty sure Starfleet has authority where crime scenes are involved.

MANDL: I have a schedule to meet.

Schedule with who? Picard as a representative of Starfleet has put the schedule on hold. If he means that the various terraforming projects that they're working on have interlocking schedules that demand that the schedule be kept if months of work aren't to be undone, then he should've said so.

PICARD: Doctor Crusher is still making her determination. Mister Mandl, you know the Prime Directive.
MANDL: Are you saying that I knowingly defied it?

Here's the thing, "aware of surroundings" does not equal "sentient", and I'm pretty sure that the Prime Directive only applies to sentient life. It's a little too early in the episode to invoke the P.D. if you ask me.

Captain's log, supplemental. The inorganic life form from Velara Three has apparently taken over our Medical Lab.

Apparently? If there's doubt I'd like to see where it's coming from, Captain...

DATA: The Universal Translator is coming on line, sir.
VOICE: Ugly, ugly giants bags of mostly water
PICARD: Bags of mostly water?
DATA: An accurate description of humans, sir. You are over ninety per cent water surrounded by a flexible container.


You mean billions of tiny bags of mostly water, right? To get to the "bag of mostly water" stage you have to be talking about a single cell. Ugh. Furthermore, how would this thing have the concept of beauty if they can't see beyond light vs. shadow?

PICARD: Then what is feeding the damn thing?
LAFORGE: We found traces of cadmium salts. Now, cadmium is a conduit for converting infra-red into electricity.
PICARD: Meaning?
DATA: Meaning the microbrains might be photoelectric.


Okay, they set this point up earlier under a mountain of technobabble. A better Chekov's Gun than you'd expect for the season, but still rather clunky.

PICARD: We mean you no harm. Do you believe me?
VOICE: Yes.
PICARD: Good. It is important that you trust us.
VOICE: Not yet. You are still too arrogant. Too primitive. Come back three centuries. Perhaps then we trust.

The twenty-seventh century? Not that you care, but it seems that the microbrain will trust us when we are capable of creating the Tox Uthat.

The Fiver

Louisa Kim: Hi! I'm in charge of PR for the terraformers; let me give you the tour. Afterwards, you can visit our giftshop.
Riker: Thanks.
Louisa: No problem. (ahem) What is terraforming? Well, put simply, terraforming is life from lifelessness....

So these guys haven't bothered changing the script since the Genesis Project days. Talk about being committed to your work instead of public relations.

Troi: I'm sensing that Nerd 2's in danger!
Riker: I don't hear any screams. Are you actually being useful for once?
Nerd 2: AAAAAH!
Riker: Wow. She was.

Gasp!

Data: Hey, Geordi! Look down this hole!
La Forge: Weird. It's inorganic, but it's doing strange flashy things.
Data: Who would've known there would be such a devil in the dark?

See, Horta!

Picard: Did you know there were lifeforms on the planet?
Nerd 1: At first the sand was just showing circles, but then it started displaying ellipses, parabolas, and the weirdest thing I've ever seen!
Picard: Come on, it couldn't be that weird.
Nerd 1: That was a hyperbole. It showed a hyperbola.
Picard: How eccentric.
Nerd 1: At least 4.5. Maybe higher.

As a math geek I approve.

Riker: Captain, you should look at this picture of the sand.
Picard: (over the comm) Amazing, it's using force lightning!
Riker: Does this mean it has joined the dark side?
Picard: I'm afraid so, Number One.
Riker: Look at all the chaos Mandl brought.

Star Wars and the Mandelbrot Set. Only in fivers. Enjoy some images of Mandelbrot Sets...

Data: I figured it out! They're photoelectric.
Picard: All right. Kill the lights!
Lights: GAK!
Picard: I meant in the lab, stupid.
Data: Sorry.

Another classic fiver gag.

Memory Alpha

* Final episode where Gene was head writer.
* The Horta is also brought up.

Nitpickers Guide

* If the microbrain needs saltwater to interconnect, how can it live in the lab where there is none?
* How can the microbrain start dying immediately upon losing access to light, what about nights on the planet?
* It's impressive that Data can apparently move at the speed of light to dodge laser blasts.
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