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Old 05-14-2010, 06:49 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Tanngrisnir
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Screw it.

Thirty-Eight Line “Thirty-Eight Minutes”
By Wowbagger

Ford: If you make a mistake, we all die instantly. No pressure or anything.
Markham: That’s okay; none of us are title-screen characters anyway.
Ford: Well, that’s reassuring. And--hey! I’m in the title credits!
Stackhouse: Yeah, but you’re black. I mean, would anyone notice if Travis Mayweather died? Or Uhura? Or La Forge?
Ford: You’ve made your point.
Stackhouse: Or Mace Windu? Or Mamie from Holiday Inn?...

Meta-Ford: Hey! He’s right! I’m not in the title credits! Well, I am, but I’m listed as a supporting actor! What’s up with that?!
Meta-Weir: It’s probably because you’re such a perv.
Meta-Ford: For the last time, slash fiction is non-canon! *exhale* Where’s Paramount’s licensing department the one time you need it?

Puddlejumper: You ever have one of those days when you’d rather jump in the puddle than over it? That’s today.
McKay: Told you we should have called it Gateship-1.

Sheppard: ARRRGG! OH, THE HUMANITY!
McKay: What’s up with him, anyhow?
Teyla: Meh. Flashback time.

Past-McKay: Well, looks like nobody’s home. Think we can steal their muffins?
Past-Wraith Troops: No! Muffins are more wonderful than walruses in top hats!

Weir: Well, that was enlightening.

Station Commander’s Log: In an effort to improve my character development, I have just thrown Dr. Kavagnah in the airlock until he tells me the real reason he warned us that the Puddlejumper might explode, kill us all, and destroy mankind’s best hope for a better future.

Sheppard: Cogito ergo sum.
Teyla: *gasp!* Oh no! It’s the legendary Philosopher’s Bug! Well, at least we can be thankful he’s still on Descartes’ Meditations on First Philosophy.
Weir: What’s so wrong with questioning one’s reasons for existence?
Teyla: Overthinking St. Anselm’s Ontology is very, very fatal.

Beckett: The only way to save Major Sheppard... is to kill him.
Weir: YES! I call dibs on his appliances!
Beckett: We do revive him, ma’am.
Weir: Too late. I’ve already unplugged his microwave.

McKay: Hm. Everything becomes obvious when you realize the Stargate runs off antimatter radiation. You just have expose it to the square root of minus-1 grams of “soon.”
Weir: Because that’s the only thing in the universe that means less than “antimatter radiation.” Brilliant job, Rodney! (pause) Wait. This means I have to return Major Shepperd’s flat-screen plasma TV, doesn’t it?

(Sheppard, having seen the light while under the influence of the Philosopher’s Bug, reveals at Ludicrous Speed that there is a God, but that he’s made of green cheese)

THE END

DISCLAIMER: Atlantis (c) Plato, circa a very long time ago.

DISCLAIMER-II: A lot of stuff here is copyrighted by Canadians. My intent isn't to infringe on them or their exosites; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the abbreviated version of the universe Zeke created. I don't think he'd mind. Especially not after the pecan pie bribe.
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CURRENTLY: I've finally dived into the "let's everybody make a fan film" Kool-Aid.
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