View Single Post
  #106  
Old 11-10-2017, 10:20 AM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
You just activated his Trek card
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 4,859
Default

November 10th, 1967, "Metamorphosis"

I may have noted elsewhere that I'm not particularly fond of the First Contact movie, so I won't be riffing on the differences between this version of Cochrane and that one.

Fiver (by Tarn-Vedra)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

SPOCK: Helm does not answer, Captain.
KIRK: Neither do the pods.

*cough cough* Nacelles *cough cough*. Unless you're going to tell me that Kirk is trying to eject antimatter pods and can't.

SPOCK: Gravity is similar to Earth. Most unusual in view of its size. The bulk of the body seems to be iron and nickel. More than an asteroid. Like a small planetoid, I should say. Possibly a remnant of a planet breakup. Totally suitable for human life.

Is this the first time our crew has encountered Class-M conditions on a body other than a conventional planet? A planetoid AKA minor planet AKA dwarf planet seems like it wouldn't have enough mass to have standard gravity or enough atmosphere to have surface water or sufficient temperature to have Class-M conditions. The weird thing is; planetoid status isn't required for the purposes of this episode. Looks like someone either didn't do their homework or someone forgot to throw in a line where Spock declares that an unknown energy field (i.e. The Companion) is maintaining Class-M conditions where it shouldn't be possible.

COCHRANE: You speak English. Earth people?

I was about to type an essay about how our people aren't really speaking English, they're speaking Federation Standard which is being translated for our benefit, but my research indicates that "Federation Standard" as a concept doesn't exist in any episode, only expanded universe materials. In canon it's always been English (and this paragraph really should've appeared back in "Space Seed"). Cue Azetbur's "Homo Sapiens Only Club" quote here. How did Earth convince everyone else to use English?

COCHRANE: I grow vegetables in the fields over that next ridge.

Take our word for it! It's a beautiful garden! I've got fountains and waterfalls and a golf course! It's a shame the budget would never let us show it!

COCHRANE: You mean my instruments? I imagine things have changed a lot since I crashed.
KIRK: Not that much.

Grrrr....okay, I won't make Enterprise jokes either! Give me credit for some restraint. Grrrr....

KIRK: Mister Cochrane, do you have a first name?
COCHRANE: Zefram.
KIRK: Zefram Cochrane of Alpha Centuri, the discoverer of the space warp?

First, even if "Cochrane" is a common enough name, aren't there statues of this guy around? Wouldn't his picture be part of everyone's education?

Second, are they implying that he was the first person anywhere to discover warp drive? I suppose that if we're only paying attention to TOS, it's possible, if tremendously unlikely (although the Romulans would be a big question mark if they didn't have warp). Although that would introduce various questions about the Klingons and the Orions, etc. that would be uncomfortable to answer. Then again, if Earth convinced everyone to adopt their language as the standard, I guess they could convince everyone to venerate the Earthman who discovered warp above his Andorian, Vulcan, etc. counterparts.

COCHRANE: The food, water, gardens, everything else I need the Companion gives me.

I don't think that his ship had replicators (or even food synthesizers), so can the Companion read the information in his ships' databanks to make all this stuff? Considering everything that the Companion can do, she's up there with the Organians and the Q, isn't she?

COCHRANE: What was it they used to call it? The Judas goat?

A Judas goat is an animal sent into a herd to gain its trust and then lead the animals to the slaughter. I wasn't familiar with the expression.

COCHRANE: What's the theory behind this device?
KIRK: There are certain universal ideas and concepts common to all intelligent life. This device instantaneously compares the frequency of brainwave patterns, selects those ideas and concepts it recognises, and then provides the necessary grammar.

Ha ha. A load of technobabble that sounds so impressive but only introduces further questions. The idea that universal translators form telepathic connections with their users is horrifying! Besides, wouldn't the standard flashlight-sized device be limited to spoken words only? Connect the tricorder to it to handle whatever energy patterns the Companion is generating, right?

SULU: Approximately thirty four percent of the bodies of atmospherian types H to M.

This implies that Classes H to M are the ones habitable to humans. Is the Companion preserving atmospheres on all of them, or do the writers really not know how planets and atmospheres work?

(Somewhere in the vicinity, Nancy is holding up her scarf to mimic how she saw Cochrane when she was a swirly thing.)

This is a nice touch, kudos to the guy who thought of it.

The Fiver

Kirk: So, we're going to try the intro for once? All right. Space... the final fronti--
Woman: Waaa WAAAAAAAAAA waaa waaa waaa waaaaaaa...
Kirk: Ahem. As I was saying, these are the voyages of the Starship Enterpri--
Woman: Waaa WAAAAAAAAAAA waaa waaa waaa waaaaaa...
Kirk: Who are you?
Woman: Waa?
Kirk: See? This is why we always skip these.

Let me just toss up a few acapella versions of the TOS theme from YouTube: One, Two, Three, Four

Kirk: Mr. Cochrane, I think you're going to have to ask the Companion for help for us.
Cochrane: All right... come 'ere, Companion! Come 'ere! That's a good girl!
McCoy: That's strange, I thought Cochrane was the pet here.
Kirk: Oh, Bones. Don't you know the man is always the dominant member of the relationship?
McCoy: Oh yeah. Man, I sure will miss the barely-concealed sexism of the sixties.

What's that Lassie? Cochrane fell down a well?

Kirk: There's pie filling in that nebula!

Nice Voyager joke, but the Companion isn't a nebula.

Spock: The universal translator is ready. I managed to program it to speak blob.
Kirk: Good. Listen, Companion, we want to leave paradise so we can die of old age.
Companion: Is that your final answer?
Kirk: Hmm... can we use a lifeline?
Companion: I'm sorry, time's up, but here's a consolation prize -- eternity on a planet of only men.
Kirk: COMPANIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!



A Who Wants to Be A Millionaire joke, hmm. Fivers really are time capsules of pop culture as of when they're written, aren't they?


Commissioner Hedford (Companion): Hello, Zefram. Wink wink, nudge nudge.


Is that a Monty Python reference?



Memory Alpha

* The first of five episodes where Kirk is never on board the Enterprise.


YouTube

* Our heroes land and meet Cochrane.

* Kirk teaches the Companion about love.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

Last edited by Nate the Great; 11-25-2017 at 03:44 PM.
Reply With Quote