[Nate the Great]

MCCOY: They need those vaccines on Theta Seven, Captain. Now why are we delaying here?
KIRK: Because I'm convinced that this is the same creature that attacked the Farragut eleven years ago.

Talk about a disjointed argument! "How can birds fly, Daddy?" "Because the Kool-Aid Man is red!" Kudos to whoever gets the reference without Googling it, by the way.

SPOCK: Conflicting data, Captain. It seems to be in a borderline state between matter and energy. Elements of both. It could possibly use gravitational fields for propulsion.

Stupid line. You mean that the creature is continually shifting between matter and energy, or you mean that the creature is made out of plasma. Make up your mind! As for using gravitational fields for propulsion...I guess you mean it can somehow "grab" onto each celestial body as it passes by, like a monkey swinging branch to branch.

CHEKOV: Open hatch on impulse engine number two. Mister Scott was doing an AID clean-up on it.
KIRK: We won't be using the impulse engines. Turn the alarm off.

Look, I get that this is one giant build-up to let the creature get on board. It's just as stupid here as when the miniaturized runabout did it in "One Little Ship". There shouldn't be any direct lines between inside and outside! And by the by, the impulse engines generate plasma exhaust, what do you need to "clean up"?

SPOCK: The deflectors will not stop it, Captain.
SCOTT: That's impossible.
SPOCK: I should have surmised this. For the creature to be able to use gravity as a propulsive force, it would have to have this capacity.

I'll be generous and say that this cloud can create a gravity field around itself to shield it from the effects of the deflectors, a proverbial oil bubble in water.

CHEKOV: Five seconds to contact. All hatches and vents secure. All lights on the board show green. Sir! The number two impulse vent! we have a red light!
KIRK: (over Chekov's speech) Lieutenant Uhura, all decks (rest of speech lost under Chekov's increasing volume)
SCOTT: Captain, something's entered through the number two impulse vent.
KIRK: Negative pressure in all ship's vents. Alert all decks.

As asinine as this vent thing is, you can't say that it wasn't properly foreshadowed. They really want us to know that this thing has a physical presence.

KIRK: Scotty, try flushing the radioactive waste into the ventilation system. See what effect that has.

Now the crew is radioactive! That can't be good!

PNQ: Why do I like including obscure references in my jokes so much?

SPOCK: Captain, the creature's ability to throw itself out of time sync makes it possible for it to be elsewhere in the instant the phaser hits.

Time sync? Where did that come from? Just say that the creature can create a hole in itself for the phaser beam to go through.

KIRK: Antimatter seems our only possibility.
SPOCK: An ounce should be sufficient. We can drain it from the ship's engines and transport it to the planet surface in a magnetic vacuum field.

I guess attaching a photon torpedo launcher to a shuttlecraft would take too long. It would certainly be safer!

SPOCK: Exactly. A matter-antimatter blast will rip away half the planet's atmosphere.

Since when? Or are you going to tell me that in the next hundred years torpedo technology will devolve just like warp capability? In the 24th century it takes dozens of torpedoes to render a planet uninhabitable!

GARROVICK: Just think, Captain, less than one ounce of antimatter here is more powerful than ten thousand cobalt bombs.
KIRK: Let's hope it's as powerful as man will ever get.

Sadly, no. Tricobalt, quantum, transphasic...as long as man has enemies, weapons technology will continue to evolve. And sadly, man will always find potential enemies just among themselves, we don't even need aliens as an excuse.

The Fiver

Kirk: Hmm... I'm not so sure. I smell honey....
Creature: Mmmm... I'm so happy. I smell erythrocytes....

Erythocytes are red blood cells. Personally I would've gone with a "fee-fi-fo-fum/blood of an Englishman" joke.

Kirk: Spock, I think I remember this creature from a mission 11 years ago. Quick, scan for a gaseous cloud.
Spock: A gaseous cloud? Should I also be scanning for a solid, or a liquid cloud?

Thank you, Spock. I've already covered this one.

McCoy: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a vampire slayer!

Ah, the days when Buffy was topical...

Not that I ever watched the show, but popculture osmosis can do wonders...

Kirk: Mr. Garrovick, you're probably wondering why you have been invited to a meeting with the ship's Captain, First Officer and Doctor.
Garrovick: No, not really. It's because I hesitated to fire on the creature and as a result two people were killed.
McCoy: No, you're here because you're the only redshirt in history that has survived an away mission. And you have lines! We're going to study you!

Funny, but he's hardly the first. Maybe if you'd thrown in a "and you have a name that's not generic!"...

Kirk: Uhura, open hailing frequencies to the creature.
Uhura: Opened, sir.
Kirk: FROM HELL'S HEART, I STAB AT THEE!

Yeah yeah, great Ahab/Khan joke, but I doubt this cloud has a subspace communicator to "hear" them.

Kirk: This creature is capable of murdering hundreds of people, maybe even more. And desperate times call for desperate measures.
McCoy: What are you saying, Jim?
Kirk: We have no choice but to unleash Josh Hartnett's acting skills upon the creature. Get me 40 Days and 40 Nights.

Talk about a time capsule of a fiver, huh?

Chekov: Captain, the creature is leaving the planet at high warp!
Kirk: Set a pursuit course, and open hailing frequencies. (ahem) Listen to me. You're a cloud. Clouds are pretty. Pretty things do not kill people. Therefore, your entire existence is illogical. Come on now, self-destruct! Self-destruct!
Spock: Haven't I explained the difference between computers and clouds nineteen times already?

Why didn't you use forty-seven, Nic? Nice use of a running gag, though.

Garrovick: Oh my God, Mr. Spock! The creature is hovering above my replicator!
Creature: Computer, Bloody Mary. Shaken, not stirred.
Spock: Run, Ensign! I will sacrifice myself to expel the creature!
Creature: Mmm, lunchtime... YUCK!
Spock: Yuck? You drink me and you say yuck?

Wow, a James Bond joke and a TNG joke in one scene. Probably a few others, too. Very densely-packed humor.

Creature: Oh, look! A nice tank full of blood! (Gloop, gloop, gloop) AAAAAAH! Arsenic!
Kirk: There is an ancient Klingon saying: "Revenge is a steak best served bloody!"
Creature: ARRRRRGH! But know this, Kirk... I'll be back!
Kirk: And what, run for the Governor of California? Hasta la vista, baby!
(The Enterprise warps off at Bloody Ludicrous Speed)

Very densely-packed humor!

Memory Alpha

* Our old pal Leslie the recurring background red/yellow/blueshirt dies in this episode. He also has the distinction of being the first recurring character in Trek to return from death without explanation. I wonder if he's a set of triplets or something that are all serving on the same ship.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Much confusion surrounds Kirk's early career. To whit:
** He served with Garrovick on the Farragut from the day he left the Academy, eventually becoming a lieutenant.
** He served with Finney on the Republic at some point as an ensign.
** Among other inconsistencies. I personally wonder why it's so important that he served with Garrovick from the day he left the Academy. Just being a helmsman under Garrovick for five years should be enough, right?