The forum seems to have eaten my first draft, ugh. Here we go again...
November 3rd, 1967, "I, Mudd"
A fun episode, but the big glaring, unnecessary plot hole at the start is annoying. That is, how did Norman get on board? Are we to believe that this guy could manufacture a Federation citizenship record
and a Starfleet service record good enough to fool Starfleet Command
and Spock? Yeah, no.
The fiver (by Derek)
Transcript
Memory Alpha
The Episode
MCCOY: Besides, he has avoided two appointments that I've made for his physical exam without reason.
SPOCK: That's not at all surprising, Doctor. He's probably terrified of your beads and rattles.
They're letting this guy on duty without the required exam? Seems simple enough to me: an officer has X days after arrival to complete the required exam, or he is disciplined.
NORMAN: I am in total control of your ship. I have connected the matter-antimatter pods to the main navigational bank. A trigger relay is now in operation. Any attempts to alter course will result in immediate destruction of this vessel.
KIRK: Spock?
SPOCK: Confirmed, Captain. He's taken out all the override controls. If we tamper without knowing where the trigger relay is, we could extinguish ourselves.
"Course" means the direction that the ship is going. It doesn't include the speed. Have Scotty throw a wrench into the works to shut down the warp core. I doubt that Norman could override that.
NORMAN: I control the trigger relay, sir. I cannot be overcome by physical means, and if you attempt to use your phasers, the trigger relay will be activated.
So increase gravity at his location to incapacitate him or beam him into space!
NORMAN: There is a word. Among us there is no corresponding meaning, but it seems to mean something to you humans.
KIRK: And what is that word?
NORMAN: Please.
Why would "please" work in this situation?
MUDD: Do know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb Five?
SPOCK: The guilty party has his choice. Death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging.
MUDD: The key word in your entire peroration, Mister Spock, was, death. Barbarians. Well, of course, I left.
KIRK: He broke jail.
MUDD: I borrowed transportation.
KIRK: He stole a spaceship.
MUDD: The patrol reacted in a hostile manner.
KIRK: They fired at him.
MUDD: They've no respect for private property. They damaged the bloody spaceship.
I love this exchange.
MUDD: Oh, no, no, no. Merely deserted. You see, gentlemen, behind every great man there is a woman urging him on. And so it was with my Stella. She urged me on into outer space. Not that she meant to, but with her continual, eternal, confounded nagging. Well, I think of her constantly, and every time I do, I go further out into space.
Divorce doesn't exist? Restraining orders don't exist?
NORMAN: Our home planet's sun became a nova. Only a few exploratory outposts survived. This unit, myself, was part of one such outpost in your galaxy.
If he didn't imply being from another galaxy I'd almost think this was the Tkon. But of course they haven't been created yet.
MUDD: Didn't I tell you, Kirk? I beamed a few dozen androids up to your ship. They've been sending your crew to the surface for the past couple of hours.
It does make you wonder how many people are required to run the Enterprise. In Search For Spock the intention was just to be gone for a few days, and it didn't matter how much damage was done. You'd assume the androids would want to do all of the necessary maintenance. Then again, you'd assume that they can work the majority of the time, no need for three shifts.
CHEKOV: What a shame you're not real.
ALICE 322: We are real, my lord.
CHEKOV: Oh, I mean real girls.
ALICE 118: We are programmed to function as human females, lord.
CHEKOV: You are?
ALICES: Yes, my lord.
CHEKOV: Harry Mudd programmed you?
ALICES: Yes, my lord.
CHEKOV: That unprincipled, evil-minded, lecherous kulak Harry Mudd programmed you?
ALICES: Yes, my lord.
CHEKOV: This place is even better than Leningrad.
First, obligatory Leningrad/St. Petersburg "Istanbul Not Constantinople" joke. Second, nice job of getting past the censors.
ALICE 471: The Enterprise is not a want or a desire. It is a mechanical device.
KIRK: No, it's a beautiful lady, and we love her.
What kind of love are we talking about, Captain?
SPOCK: Whatever method we use to stop them, we must make haste. They have only to install some cybernetic devices aboard the Enterprise and they'll be able to leave orbit.
So...we're talking M-5 again? I hope it goes better this time.
MUDD: Captain, the kind of a wholesome, antiseptic galaxy that these androids would run would be purgatory for a man like me.
So say we all, Harry. So say we all.
SPOCK: Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell bad. Are you sure your circuits are registering correctly? Your ears are green.
It's always fun when Spock gets to cut loose, and even better when it's not time travel antics or spores causing it.
KIRK: He lied. Everything Harry tells you is a lie. Remember that. Everything Harry tells you is a lie.
MUDD: Listen to this carefully, Norman. I am lying.
NORMAN: You say you are lying, but if everything you say is a lie then you are telling the truth, but you cannot tell the truth because everything you say is a lie. You lie. You tell the truth. But you cannot for. Illogical! Illogical! Please explain.
(Smoke comes out of Norman's head.)
The Liar's Paradox is always a classic.
The Fiver
Plenty of Data and Lore jokes that I'll skip, but they're still good.
Android: Please wait while the android shuts d-- GAK!
Kirk: Oh great, the blueshirt bluescreened. Reboot him, Spock.
Spock: Gladly. (Kick!)
Android: The android has detected an improper shutdown. Please wait while the android runs Scandisk. 1%... 2%... Whoops! Found an error. Restarting. 1%....
(4 days later)
Android: 28%... 29%... Whoops! Found an error. Restarting. 1%....
Kirk: Oh for Pete's sake, just exit out of Scandisk!
Ah, how I don't miss the days of Windows 95 when things stop working. At least today you can look up error codes online.
Kirk: So where are your creators, android?
Android: I hate to tell you this, but they died... a long time ago.
Kirk: You're not a Pralor robot, are you?
Ah, "Prototype". One of the better early Voyager episodes, even if (insert sarcastic comment here).
Kirk: Hello, Alices. Watch this!
McCoy: I'm tweedle-dee, he's tweedle-dum.
Scotty: Allamaraine!
Alices: General Protection Fault! GAK!
Ah, "Move Along Home." One of the worse early Deep Space Nine episodes, even if (insert gushing comment here).
Stellas: Harcourt Fenton Mudd, why haven't you taken out the trash? Why do you always work late hours? Why haven't you taken me out anywhere?
Mudd: Stell-
lahhhhh!
I'm surprised the
Streetcar Named Desire joke didn't come earlier.
McCoy: Well, I think I don't ever want to see another android; not even if I'm touring this ship's fourth successor on her maiden voyage.
Spock: Agreed. This had better be the last time I see an android anywhere.
Kirk: Even on Romulus?
Okay, "Encounter at Farpoint" and "Unification" jokes are great. Too bad you're going to see more androids in "Return to Tomorrow" and STTMP, amongst other places.
Memory Alpha
* Longest teaser in TOS.
* George Takei's last appeance before he leaves for nine episodes to film
The Green Berets.
* Once again Kirk talks a computer to death. Although by now he's had plenty of practice, hasn't he?
* Elements of this plot were featured in the "Star Trek Is..." essay.
YouTube
*
Mudd the First, and introducing him to Chekov.
*
Illogical behavior, including an imaginary bomb.
*
Stella Mudd clips, including "Five...HUNDRED!?!?"