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Old 12-03-2017, 06:02 PM
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Entry Seven: "Holiday"

O'NEILL: Look at all this stuff.
CARTER: Cool! A palm pilot! I've always wanted one of these!
MACHELLO: Hi. I'm Machello.
DANIEL: Hi. I'm Daniel Jackson.
MACHELLO: No, I'm Daniel Jackson. I made these gadgets to fight the Go'auld. Please hold those handles.
(Zap! Daniel in Machello collapses)
MACH/DAN: Weird.
O'NEILL: Teal'c, grab the old guy. Let's go.

Oh man, Palm Pilots. Twenty years ago they were the cool gadget on the block. How times change. Today that'd probably be an Android or something.

CARTER: I can't figure out how to use this palm pilot.
HAMMOND: Bummer. How do you feel, Dr. Jackson?
MACH/DAN: A little tired.
HAMMOND: Take a day off.

I was really on a "bummer" kick at that point in my fiving career. Reading a bunch of these at once really does make the lameness of that joke stand out.

DAN/MACH: I'm Daniel Jackson in Machello's body.
FRAISER: Weird.
TEAL'C: Indeed.
O'NEILL: Let's go get that body-swapping gizmo.

I like the word "gizmo". What a shock.

MACH/DAN: Hi, I'm Machello.
FRED: Hi, I'm Fred. Let's go have some lunch, on you.
MACH/DAN: Sure.

I'm trying to think what nationality someone would think the name "Machello" is if you didn't know ti was alien. Mediterranean or something? Incidentally, why didn't I make a JELLO joke in this fiver?

O'NEILL: Lift on three. One...Two...
(Zap!)
JACK/TEAL'C: Nuts.
TEAL'C/JACK: Indeed.

Today I would've used something else instead of "nuts". Drat or phooey, most likely.

WAITRESS: You need a credit card to eat here.
MACH/DAN: Will one of these do?
WAITRESS: Sure, but I don't plan to return it.
MACH/DAN: OK, kiss me.
WAITRESS: In your dreams.

Could Machello forge Daniel's signature? For that matter, would he know how to work a ballpoint pen?

JACK/TEAL'C: I don't feel so hot.
TEAL'C/JACK: You're sick. You need to meditate so the worm can heal you.
JACK/TEAL'C: Why?
TEAL'C/JACK: Who knows? I guess the writers needed to fill up time. By the way, I'm going to shave your head.
JACK/TEAL'C: Over your dead body.
TEAL'C/JACK: If you don't meditate that can be arranged.
JACK/TEAL'C: Drat.

This scene could be trimmed a bit, but that last joke is good.

HAMMOND: Someone used Dr. Jackson's credit card. I've sent a team to get him. I'm just saying this to bridge these two scenes.

I really don't like single-speaker scenes unless it's a Captain's Log. I should've put more thought into this.

COP: Hands up!
MACH/DAN: Drat.

In fact, I could've just had Hammond mention the arrest and saved a scene.

HAMMOND: Switch everyone back.
MACH/DAN: No.
HAMMOND: OK, lock him up.

Ugh. This scene should've been chucked.

MACH/DAN: If you let out I'll show you how to use my palm pilot.
CARTER: No, the plot demands that you have a poignant heart-to-heart talk with Daniel now.

This one needed another draft.

MACH/DAN: I should live so I can protect you from the Go'auld.
DAN/MACH: I should live so I can find my wife.
MACH/DAN: You'll never find your wife.
DAN/MACH: Yes, I will! Ouch!
FRAISER: He's dying. Carter, we only have five minutes. Time to find a last-minute solution.
CARTER: OK.

"Ouch"? Not "Ack"?

CARTER: Time for musical bodies. First Jack and Machello switch.
(Zap!)
CARTER: Now Teal'c and Daniel.
(Zap!)
DAN/JACK: Whoa, I'm not an old man anymore. Cool!
TEAL'C/MACH: (If he weren't in a dying old man's body I'm sure he'd say "Indeed.")
CARTER: Jack and Daniel.
(Zap!)
DANIEL: It's great to be back.
O'NEILL: Indeed. Whoa, Teal'c hangover!
CARTER: Finally, Teal'c and Machello.
MACH/TEAL'C: You'll never find out how to use my palm pilot!
CARTER: Drat.
(Zap!)
MACHELLO: Thanks for the holiday. Now that the title has been explained I can die.

Way too long of a scene. Way too long.
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