[Nate the Great]

Entry Six: "The Tok'ra Part Two"

GARSHAW: Just to recap last week and tell you guys what you already know, you can't ally with us unless one of you becomes Selmak's new host.
O'NEILL: We read the script.
GARSHAW: Well the audience didn't.

I hate how often I used that joke in my early fivers.

CARTER: Wait a minute! Can symbiotes cure cancer?
GARSHAW: Sure.
CARTER: I may have a host for you. My dad is dying.
O'NEILL: I'm sure the audience had that figured out last week.
TEAL'C: Indeed.
GARSHAW: Two of you can go get him, but we're keeping the others to make you come back.'

Is there a joke here, besides "Indeed"?

HAMMOND: Are you kidding me?
CARTER: This is the only way to save my dad's life.
O'NEILL: I'll fill in for Teal'c and say 'indeed.'

Hammond's line could stand some expansion.

MARTOUF: The Goa'uld are coming!
GARSHAW: Drat. Start the evacuation.

No Paul Revere joke?

CARTER: I need to tell you what I've been doing.
JACOB: I thought that was classified.
HAMMOND: You just got clearance.
JACOB: Lucky me. So what are you doing?
CARTER: I walk through this huge stone ring and go to alien worlds.
JACOB: Yeah, right.
CARTER: It's true. We may have a cure for you.
JACOB: What cure?
HAMMOND: That's a long story. I'll tell you offscreen since we only have
five minutes to tell this story.
JACOB: OK.

If I was writing this today I'd reference the "lyrics" to the theme song:
Stargate! It's a great big world!
With a great big swirl and you step inside to another world!
We're talking Stargate! It's a crazy trip!
You can go quite far and you don't need a car or even a ship!
There's Colonel O'Neill and Carter and Daniel and Teal'c!
Look out for that G-G-G-G-G-Goa'uld!

O'NEILL: What's going on?
MAKEPEACE: The Goa'uld will be here any minute. We're helping the Tok'ra evacuate.

Zzzz.....

MARTOUF: Hi Dad. I'm in love with your daughter.
JACOB: Huh?
CARTER: That's not till next season.
MARTOUF: Oh, forget I said that.

Call Forward jokes are fun to write.

TEAL'C: We don't know how the Goa'uld found us.
O'NEILL: Oh, did I forget to mention I saw Cordesh with one of those
videophone balls last week?
DANIEL: Yes.
O'NEILL: Sorry, must have slipped my mind.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

I feel there must've been more I could've done riffing on the videophone ball.

SELMAK: Hi Jacob. A quick question before I take over your body.
JACOB: Shoot.
SELMAK: What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
JACOB: African or European?
SELMAK: I like you. Let's kiss.
JACOB: OK.

Should've tried to fit more Holy Grail jokes elsewhere in the fiver.

CORDESH: Look at me kill my host so you'll think I'm dead.
O'NEILL: OK.

Should've worded that better; should've included a joke.

MARTOUF: We can't move him until Selmak has healed his cancer.
CARTER: Drat. And the Tok'ra are destroying this place too.
MARTOUF: I'm going to stay until he awakes.
CARTER: Me too.
DANIEL: Can I state for the record that I think this is a bad idea?
CARTER: No.
JACOB: Ouch. What a headache.
MARTOUF: We need to go.

If Jacob was going to wake up in the same scene, either I needed to pad out this scene, make it two scenes, or just ignore the "who's staying" part to make another joke.

JACOB: Hi. I'll be the new liason between the Tok'ra and Earth.
HAMMOND: Good.
DANIEL: Push this box through the Stargate if you need to contact us.
JACOB: Don't call us, we'll call you.
CARTER: Bye Dad.

Hey, another spelling error! I do feel that the whole "message box" thing should've been either used more often or not at all; it's a plot hole waiting to happen. The final line needed to be an actual punchline, too.