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Old 09-26-2017, 12:21 PM
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Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
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Entry Four: "Need"

O'NEILL: Look at the Jaffa carrying naquadah through the Stargate.
CARTER: We can see them.
O'NEILL: Well the reader didn't.
CARTER: Oh.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

This must've been early on before I learned to dial back on this sort of fourth wall-breaking expositional gag.

DANIEL: She's going to jump!
CARTER: Who?
DANIEL: That woman there on the edge of the cliff.
CARTER: So now we can see them? Stop confusing me.
O'NEILL: Calm down.
DANIEL: My turn to be the hero, right?
O'NEILL: Let me check the schedule. Okay.... hmmm... yep, your episode.
DANIEL: Good. I'll go rescue her.

I do like the schedule gag.

SHYLA: Huh?
JAFFA: Get away from her!
O'NEILL: Sure.

"Huh?" doesn't seem to fit. That should've been more descriptive.

SHYLA: This is my dad, Pyrus the God Slayer.
O'NEILL: What a great name. Do you put that on your income tax returns? Occupation: God Slayer.
PYRUS: Silence! Off the naquadah mine with you!
O'NEILL: Bummer.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

I do like the occupation gag, whether for tax returns or business cards.

JAFFA: Dig!
O'NEILL: You know I would, but I'll think I'll futilely try to excape now.
JAFFA: OK.
JAFFA 2: Yeah right.
O'NEILL: I told you it was futile.

Seriously Nate, spellchecker. Should've tried to fit a Borg joke in here.

PYRUS: It stinks that even though I use a sarcophagus I'll still die soon.
SHYLA: Yep, bummer.

I need to dial back on the bummers.

SHYLA: Hi. What's your name?
DANIEL: Daniel Jackson.
SHYLA: Great. Use this sarcophagus to heal your wounds.
DANIEL: Are you sure?
SHYLA: We need to advance the plot. Get in.
DANIEL: OK.

Should've changed the punchline to something like "Are you sure this won't make me crazy?" "I've used it tons of times and I'm the picture of mental health, right?" "That's debatable, but you're hot so okay."

DANIEL: Let my friends go.
SHYLA: I would, but I need to keep them as hostages so I can seduce you.
DANIEL: OK.
SHYLA: By the way, you're my destiny.
DANIEL: Works for me.

I wonder why I didn't make a Captain Kirk joke anywhere in this fiver. For that matter "you're my destiny" just invites a Back to the Future joke, right?

DANIEL: Hi guys. I'd let you go, but I need more time to be seduced by the princess.
O'NEILL: Hey!
TEAL'C: Indeed.

O'Neill should've said "I thought that was my job!"

PYRUS: I killed the Goa'uld 700 years ago.
DANIEL: Kudos to your plastic surgeon.
PYRUS: We keep sending naquadah through the Stargate so they won't reconquer us.
DANIEL: Boy, a plan like that is sure to blow up in your face someday.
PYRUS: Leave now!
DANIEL: Boy, is he touchy.

"Kudos" is a word I use as often as I can, which isn't very often.

SHYLA: We'll convince him to release your friends.
DANIEL: Sounds like plan to me. Wait a sec, aren't you keeping them around so you can seduce me?
SHYLA: That was the general plan.
DANIEL: Well, it worked. You can let my friends go, I'll stay here with you.
SHYLA: Time for another nap in the sarcophagus.
DANIEL: Sure.

That was a weak punchline, should've thrown in a milk and cookies joke, or maybe a teddy bear joke.

DANIEL (over radio): Hi General Hammond. Having a great time. Don't send any troops here or anything.
HAMMOND: I wonder what that was about?

This is okay, I guess.

DANIEL: I'm going to marry Shyla. Oh, and I'm addicted to the sarcophagus too.
O'NEILL: Why does that not sound good?
CARTER: Jolinar told me that the sarcophagus will steal your soul.
O'NEILL: Jolinar again? That plot device is getting old.
CARTER: If I didn't use it the nitpickers would be asking why I don't.
O'NEILL: Drat.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

For all of the continuity Stargate SG-1 keeps track of, there are also things that they forgot to follow up on. But as Alton Brown would say, that's another thread.

DANIEL: I'm going home with my friends now, but I'll be back.
SHYLA: I know you'll be back.

Sorry, but no Terminator joke. I haven't watched any of those movies.

DANIEL: Ack!
FRAISER: He's going through sarcophagus withdrawl.
O'NEILL: Serves him right for leaving us to rot in a mine while he had a fling.
FRAISER: But he's dying!
O'NEILL: Serves him right--
FRAISER: Be quiet!

Should've had "my contract says that I get to make out with the alien princesses" in there somewhere.

FRAISER: He's not dying after all.
O'NEILL: Yipee.

DANIEL: I'm alright now. Why don't we go back to that planet now?
O'NEILL: Are you sure?
CARTER: We need the naquadah.
O'NEILL: Oh, fine.

SHYLA: You're back!
DANIEL: Yes, but I'm not staying.
SHYLA: Bummer.
DANIEL: You need to destroy the sarcophagus now.
SHYLA: OK.

Zzzzzz......
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mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

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