[Sa'ar Chasm]

(Any jokes Sa'ar Chasm claims he helped me come up with is a complete lie. It was me, all me.)

Yup, we all know what a complete and total liar I am. In fact, this sentence is a lie. And this one. And this one. But not this one.

Gimli: Huff... pant... wheeze. This is hard work. Dragging my beard for three days and nights is tiring enough, not to mention the rest of me.
Aragorn: Well, we can't stop because... um....
Legolas: Because we have to rescue Merry and Pippin.
Aragorn: Right. Who were....
Legolas: Taken by Orcs! Honestly, if you didn't spend so much time trying to make yourself look rugged and manly, maybe you'd remember these things.
Aragorn: Hey, I'm not the one who insisted on packing his skin and hair-care products before we left Amon Hen.

*znerk*

Legolas: A red sun rises....
Aragorn: What's your point?
Legolas: No point. It's just pretty.

Elves...

Treebeard: Hem hoom. Who goes there?
Pippin: We're --
Treebeard: Little Orcs! I said no little Orcs! These are two little Orcs! Can't you count?

Hah! Took me a minute.
"But Indie..." "No camels!"

Gimli: This forest is creepy.
Legolas: The trees... they're speaking to each other!
Aragorn: Legolas, I warned you about eating those mushrooms....
Legolas: Silence, talking fern!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Merry: What's that you're drinking?
Pippin: Nothing.
Merry: Pip! You're taller!
Pippin: No I'm not.
Merry: Yes you are! But I'm the tall one! That's how people tell us apart! You've done something to yourself!
Pippin: That's ridiculous, Merry. Nobody can tell us apart.

Too bloody right.

Theoden: Ahhh. I've always loved the passage to Helm's Deep. Fantastic scenery, don't you think?
Aragorn: Sure, whatever. Look, don't you think we should send scouts ahead?
Theoden: Relax. I skimmed through the next few chapters before we left Edoras, and nothing happens before we get to Helm's Deep.
Aragorn: Wait... if you read ahead, why are Eowyn and the women and children coming with us to Helm's Deep? Shouldn't we have left them at Dunharrow?
Theoden: Uh... say, that's a good question. Maybe --
Wolves of Isengard: Snarl growl snarl!
Theoden: Oh, shazbot.

Aragorn: The elves are here.
Theoden: What?

That was my reaction. Just ask the person who was sitting next to me.

Merry: Well? What did you decide? You were certainly talking for long enough.
Treebeard: Hem hoom. We Ents never say anything unless it's worth taking a lot of time to say it.
Pippin: Can't you just give us a five-minute version of the meeting?
Treebeard: "No."
Pippin: Why not?
Merry: Pip, that was the five-minute version.
Pippin: Oh. Nuts.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gandalf: Well, the battle is over and we are victorious. Do you know what that means?
Aragorn: We need an ominous tagline to lead into the next movie?
Gandalf: Precisely. (ahem) "You know this plastic prison of theirs won't hold me forever. The war is still coming, Charles, and I intend to fight it by any means necessary."
Aragorn: That doesn't sound quite right.
Gandalf: Meh.

Halidir(sic): Fine, but I'm not wearing a helmet. It will muss up my hair.

Can't believed I missed that (it's Haldir, for those keeping track at home). Guess that shows how much attention I pay to details.