[Nate the Great]

Okay, I’ve read it.

1. Do people watch Star Trek to see children born during an alien attack? I don’t think so.
2. Does abandoning a ship really need a specific General Order?
3. Time is precious, does the origin of Kirk’s middle name need explanation? Furthermore, has George failed to notice that they’re UNDER ATTACK? Try defending your ship now, worrying about names later!
4. Was that driving scene really necessary? And really, the Beastie Boys? In the 23rd century that would be beyond “oldie” and not cool or rebellious at all!
5. “You’re neither Human nor Vulcan and therefore have no place in this universe?” What happened to Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations?
6. “Human whore?” How is Amanda Grayson a whore? That’s not logical at all. Human scum, human trash, human whatever; there are umpteen insults available that would be better.
7. “As Ambassador to Earth, it is my duty to observe and understand human behavior. Marrying your mother was logical.” How does that follow ANY definition of logic?
8. Spock asks if he can ask a question, then makes a rhetorical statement. That’s not a question!
9. So the Vulcan Council considers having a human parent to be a “disadvantage,” but they still let Spock in. Then they rub it in his face that they’re letting him in despite said “disadvantage.” That’s called spite and condescension. Spock should’ve called these guys on this one.
10. Kirk gives his full name to Uhura, but she won’t give her first name? That’s petty beyond belief.
11. “Well, not only [farm animals].” Ugh. Kirk, I know you supposed to like a good roll in the hay every now and then, but I thought you respected your lovers unless you’re seducing in the line of duty.
12. George Kirk didn’t believe in no-win scenarios? Talk about blatant fanservice. Heaven forbid they actually have George SAY that he doesn’t believe in no-win scenarios, perhaps to Winona so she’ll instill this lesson in James, AKA character development?
13. So McCoy is a divorced veteran doctor, yet he’s afraid of the dangers of space travel? So he’s going into space…because? Being a few thousand miles away from his ex-wife isn’t ENOUGH?
14. “All I’ve got left is my bones.” That’s a stupid line that nobody would say. The line is “All I’ve got is the clothes on my back.”
15. Seriously, Nero and company have been doing NOTHING for twenty-five years? Could they not get trapped in the event horizon and be spat out again twenty-five years later?
16. Kirk took the Kobayashi Maru test three times? A test that’s deliberately designed to make you face loss? How does winning the third time validate your stubbornness? That’s not ingenuity, that’s a refusal to learn your lesson and face reality!
17. How is Kirk supposed to be in trouble? I don’t think anyone said “you can’t reprogram the simulation.”
18. Spock tried to keep Uhura away from Enterprise to avoid accusations of favoritism? If she’s the best person for the job, she’s the best person for the job. How can anyone be accused of favoritism?
19. “External inertial dampener?” What the photon is that supposed to be? Something to make the ship unable to move? That’s what stationkeeping thrusters are for!
20. Chekov has the conn? In a Red Alert situation? Yeah, um, what? He’s supposed to be seventeen, right?
21. The nature of Kirk’s promotion to First Officer still mystifies me. He’s on probation, he’s not supposed to be on board, he should be in a brig cell, etc. so WHY is he a serving member of the crew?
22. “You are clear from USS Enterprise airspace.” Airspace, really? Ugh.
23. “Centaurian slugs?” Why invent a new creature when they could just use Ceti Eels? It’d be a good reference for the fans, too!
24. Nero is the last of the Romulan Empire? Since when were all Romulans other than miners living on Romulus? You can’t call one (or two if you want to include Remus) planet an Empire! That doesn’t work! And even if you buy this ridiculous premise that Romulans only live on one planet, what about the fleet?
25. “The Enterprise has had its maiden voyage, has it? She is one well endowed lady. I’d like to get my hands on her ample nacelles, if you’ll pardon the engineering parlance.” NO NO NO! Scotty does not see the big E as a sex object! Kirk may see it that way, but to Scotty she is a lady, a work of art, and NOT a sex object!