"Parallax"
My first draft was getting very Retrospective-like, so I'm going to try a new strategy:
Plotlines:
1. Chakotay is trying to soften Torres enough to convince Janeway to make her Chief Engineer, creating friction with the captain at the same time.
2. Kes and Neelix join the senior staff.
3. Chakotay is defending the Maquis officers, attempting to promote their careers, but Janeway doesn't want to place them over Starfleet officers.
4. Voyager has problems (including a shrinking Doc) because of the S.A.O.T.W., eventually they're trapped and can't escape.
5. The Maquis already want to mutiny at the earliest chance.
1. Fine, my only problem is that Carey could've used more development before Torres attacked him. He's supposed to be the best officer for the job except for Torres' larger knowledge. We'll get back to this after a sidestep with...
3. While I can see Janeway's point about promoting Maquis officers over Starfleet ones, Chakotay is right. If Janeway states outright "those of you who previously held a Starfleet rank can have them back, but everyone else are crewmen only", she'd have a mutiny on her hands Chakotay or no Chakotay. Consider how Wesley achieved Acting Ensign status by proving his value even if he hadn't gone to Starfleet Academy yet. So the non-Starfleet Maquis would be crewmen and Tuvok's "night school" to earn their commissions should have been moved to this point. Back to...
1. The Torres/Carey thing should've been a longer-running subplot, lasting a few episodes before Torres gets the job.
4. I don't have a problem with the anomaly itself, but shrinking Doc was a bad idea for right now. He should be defending his rights and expanding his sentience right now.
5. TOO SOON. The Maquis and their cause need to be established over a few episodes (and introducing more recurring Maquis than Seska, probably Ayala), both their cause and their personalities, before doing this. As it is it looks like every single minor Maquis doesn't even want to try to fit in, which means that they don't deserve Chakotay's efforts to give them provisional Starfleet ranks.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.
mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.
Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.
Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
|