[Nate the Great]

November 6th, 1993, "Rules of Acquisition"

I always thought that this was a terribly generic name for a Ferengi episode. Someone was being lazy on this one.

No fiver

The Episode

QUARK: Tell me, Lieutenant, how did you get to be so good at tongo?
DAX: Actually, it was Curzon that played it all the time.
ROM: Well, that explains it. It's Curzon who's beating us, not this female.

It's rather late for Rom to still show this kind of chauvinism.

ROM: Maybe so, but I still prefer a Ferengi female. One who never wears clothes, never talks back, and never plays tongo.

Boy did this one not age well. Why is Rom playing tongo, anyway, he doesn't have the lobes for it...

PEL: My apologies, Quark, but I really think you should try this.
(a handful of what look like dried peas)
QUARK: What is it?
PEL: A way to double your beverage profits. Taste it.
(Quark has one and immediately sips his water)
PEL: You see? Just as I told you. He immediately reached for his drink.
QUARK: So I did. (has another one) Amazing. You don't even realise you're thirsty. What are they?
PEL: Gramilian Sand Peas. They inhibit secretion of the salivary glands while drying out the tissues of the tongue. It works every time. If you replace your complimentary dishes of lokar beans with Gramilian sand peas, you won't be able to fill your customers' glasses fast enough.

I get that Pel wants to impress Quark, but during a game of tongo is not the appropriate time unless Pel wants to distract Quark long enough to win.

ZEK: Can I interest you in some Hupyrian beetle snuff?
SISKO: I don't think so.
ZEK: Major?
KIRA: No, thank you.

I have to wonder what the appeal is in beetle snuff. Is there a nicotine equivalent in beetle snuff, or does the pleasure lie in the sneezing process?

SISKO: I understand you're planning to host a business conference here at the station.
ZEK: Yes, with the Dosi, a race from the Gamma Quadrant. A very profitable opportunity for all concerned, I might add.
KIRA: Profitable for the Ferengi, maybe.
ZEK: Are you implying something, Major?
KIRA: Me? Not at all. No. The Ferengi's reputation speaks for itself.
ZEK: A reputation of honesty, and decency, and reliability. You always know what to expect when you do business with the Ferengi.
KIRA: Which is why, if you're smart, you don't do business with the Ferengi.
SISKO: I think you've made your point, Major.

It's a little late in the series for Kira to still be so tactless. She's said before that she wants to put her days of battle behind her and be a good administrator to help her people. Annoying the leader of another nation isn't helping things.

On the whole I dislike characters who insist on expressing their displeasure every time lest someone consider them to be getting weak. If Kira's confidence is based on annoying every Cardassian, Ferengi, etc. she sees, she's not in the right job. She should be back on Bajor married to a farmer.

KIRA: In other words, Zek, Grand Nagus or no Grand Nagus, if we allow you to hold these negotiations here, and we find out you're cheating the Dosi, I'll see to it that you never set foot on this station again.

This is a problem. What the Bajorans consider to be cheating, what the Federation consider to be cheating, what the Dosi consider to be cheating, and what the Ferengi consider to be cheating are different things. Does she even have the power to ban the Nagus and cause a diplomatic incident?

ZEK: Tulaberries will establish a Ferengi presence inside the Gamma Quadrant. And once we get our foot in the door, they'll never get it out.
QUARK: Yes, I see.

This plan is rather dubious even before you throw the Dominion into the mix.

(Pel gets a case out from under the bed, takes off her fake lobes and jacket, and relaxes)

I can't help but think that applying and removing fake lobes that are supposed to look real should require more steps and probably assistance from a second person.

(Kira's bottom is pinched)
KIRA: If you ever do that again.
ZEK: Do what?

Yeah, that's sexual harassment and assault. Kira should be arresting Zek and dragging him down to the security office.

INGLATU: We'll give you five thousand vats.
QUARK: I'm afraid that won't be enough. We're looking to establish a vast distribution network in the Gamma Quadrant. We'll need at least ten thousand vats.

It makes you wonder how much a "vat" is. I get that neither of these species are speaking English, but the Universal Translator between the scene and us in the audience exists for a reason. I would've preferred the use of "barrel" instead.

PEL: The Nagus has asked Quark to represent him during these negotiations.
ZYREE: Are you implying that Zek is too important to negotiate with us?

Are you implying that you're on the same level as a nagus? Because you really aren't.

INGLATU: Because if we kill you, (Inglatu snaps the PADD in half) Zek will have to talk to us.

Even Ferengi PADDs should be stronger than that.

(It's a golden earring)
DAX: It's beautiful.
KIRA: It's latinum.

Do you mean gold-pressed latinum, or are we still operating on the assumption that latinum is a solid metal?