November 29th, 1993, "Parallels"
Fiver by Kira
Oh goody, another "person thought to be insane" episode!
To preface this, I'd like to tell another story about the novel Q-Squared. The actions focus on three timelines: the normal one between this episode and "All Good Things", a variant of the alternate one from "Yesterday's Enterprise", and the alternate first-season one where Jack Crusher is captain, Picard is first officer (and having an affair with Beverly), and Riker was a prisoner of the Romulans for ages (and had a baby with Deanna following the events of "Imzadi"). Due to Q/Trelane shenanigans people from these three timelines are crossing into others and going berserk. He manages to keep his cool and work with people from the different timelines, being more used to reality hopping. It especially comes in handy when dealing with the Tasha Yars (one of whom has been fighting a war against Klingons for years, remember).
The Episode
WORF: Personal log, stardate 47391.2. I am returning from the Bat'leth competition on Forcas Three.
Forcas III will return as the source of the drink in Generations that Data hates but still wants more of.
RIKER: It looks like we're going to have to head into to the Argus Array. This is the third time this year it's stopped relaying data. Starfleet's beginning to think it's more than a simple malfunction. I want you to start a long range scan once we get--
Wouldn't this be Data's job?
RIKER: What's the matter with you?
WORF: Because it is my birthday I assumed that you or one of the others would try to mount an unexpected social gathering.
RIKER: A surprise party? Mister Worf, I hate surprise parties. I would never do that to you.
...
RIKER: I love surprise parties.
While this is a great gag, it seems rather late in the series for Riker to pull a prank like this.
WORF: That was not a Klingon song.
TROI: It wasn't easy to translate. There doesn't seem to be a Klingon word for jolly.
I find this absolutely ridiculous. Klingons are capable of belly laughs that would curl your hair. They know how to party hard. There is much speculation on the internet about this issue. The word for humorous is tlhaQ, joke (noun or verb) is qID, laugh is Hagh, happy is Quch (used in the official translation of "I am not a merry man"), silly is Dogh, etc.
WORF: It is a cast of Alexander's forehead. The ridges of a warrior.
I get the sentiment, even though it seems weird. I suppose the closest that I ever got in my childhood was finger paint palmprints.
PICARD: So, how old are you, Mister Worf?
He's thirty years old. This does seem odd to me given the timeline. It doesn't seem like he was a fresh Academy graduate at Farpoint. His first known posting in canon is the Enterprise, but there's a cut scene from a DS9 episode stating that he was an ensign on the USS Hawk. In the New Frontier novels it's revealed that his only prior ship was the USS Aldrin (where he served at conn).
WORF: One time when I thought I was going to die, I asked you to watch over Alexander. I was wondering if you might consider formalising that arrangement. I want you to be Alexander's Soh-chIm.
TROI: His Soh-chIm?
WORF: You would become his surrogate mother. In case anything ever happened to me, you would be responsible for him.
Do Russians not have a concept of godparents?
TROI: I don't know what to say. It's a great honour. So, that would make me your?
WORF: The closest analogy is step-sister.
TROI: That would make my mother your step-mother.
WORF: I had not considered that. It is a risk I am willing to take.
There doesn't seem to be a term for the relationship between parent and godparent. I guess "family friend" is all we need?
The relationship between Worf and Lwaxana has already been covered. At least Worf knows that Lwaxana likes Alexander and would treat him well.
DATA: We have analysed the imaging logs. It appears the Array was reprogrammed to observe several Federation sites.
They seem to be implying that the Array can only broadcast to one location at a time, which is ridiculous.
LAFORGE: We're only three light years from Cardassian space. They would have easy access to the Array.
Why would you build an array that close to Cardassian space?
NADOR [on viewscreen]: If you don't mind my asking, what exactly is this telescope of yours designed to do?
PICARD: It's a long range subspace Array. We use it for gathering data on astronomical phenomena.
NADOR [on viewscreen]: I'm certain it would never be used to observe a neighbouring species.
PICARD: Certainly not.
And that's why you don't build an array that close to Cardassian space. I'm frankly insulted by the idea that the array was built fast enough that the Cardassians didn't notice until now. I'm also insulted by the idea that the Federation didn't feel the need to consult with the Cardassians before building this thing in the first place. For that matter, why wouldn't the Federation offer to freely give the Cardassians a copy of all data anyway, as a show of good faith.
Frankly this whole scenario is ridiculous. It was made clear in "Emissary" that the ceasefire is tenuous and there are parties on both sides ready to reignite things over something much less important than a sensor array.
WORF [on monitor]: Personal log, stardate 47391.2. There has been a malfunction in the ship's main deflector. It will require two more days of repairs. As a result, I will not be able to compete in the Bat'leth tournament on Forcas Three.
And what does Worf know about repairing deflectors? I'll buy that he can jerry-rig the weapons to fire when heavily damaged, but the shields should be beyond his abilities. And frankly even if he was qualified, this doesn't seem "cancel my vacation"-worthy.
WORF: I do not remember us, you and I, being mates.
I'll forgive his use of "mate" back in "The Emissary", but not here. He's developed too far to not have a better grasp of English. Or is he speaking translated Russian?
(Which raises further questions about whether Starfleet officers are forced to learn English at the Academy, and whether he spoke Russian or Engish with the Roshenkos at home)
WORF: And when did this relationship begin?
DATA: It is my understanding your romantic affiliation began shortly after you recovered from your spinal injury on stardate 45587. It was six months later that you asked Commander Riker for his formal permission to court Counsellor Troi.
I'm dubious on this one. I'll buy that a human would be emotionally vulnerable after a serious injury, but not a Klingon. A Klingon would be training hard to regain his ability to fight. Furthermore, I don't think that Deanna would be willing to wait six months for Worf to feel good about dating her. For that matter tensions between Will and Worf would come to a head FAR before six months. Remember that Tom was with Deanna for a few DAYS before Will was upset.
WORF: And then we mated?
DATA: I am not privy to the exact details of when, where or how your first coupling took place. I could investigate it
WORF: No, that is all right.
And then we come to the elephant in the room. It's well established that Worf is a very...vigorous...lover. Earth females are too fragile and so forth. I don't see him as the kind of guy who would choose to keep himself in check that much. Would he really find that enjoyable?
DATA: Doctor, is Geordi well enough to answer some questions?
OGAWA: (the Doctor) Geordi's dead.
And here's a big misstep. Killing off a main cast member (even an alternate version of one) without attaching any weight to it is just callous.