Hooray! My big chance to come up with jokes without risk of publication!
Quote:
General: Sorry to wake you, sir, but there's a powerful alien vessel one-quarter the size of the moon in orbit.
SecDef: Powerful? How do you know it's not just more prawns?
General: It's one-quarter the mass of the moon, sir, and the tides haven't wiped out the Eastern Seaboard.
SecDef: My... *takes off glasses* ...God!
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OR:
Quote:
Mothership: *looms*
Man in the Moon: Hey! Mind scratching my back? I've got this stupid flag stuck in my--
(BRAZAP!)
Man in the Moon: GAK!
Mothership: *looms*
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OR:
Quote:
Alien 1: Our target: an obscure body in the SK system. The inhabitants call it... Earth.
Comically Oversized Alien Mothership: *looms*
(dum dum dum dum DUM DUM DUM DUM...)
Queen: FLASH! A-ah! Saviour of the universe!
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OR:
Quote:
Tech 1: Fascinating. A simple binary code transmitted by carrier-wave signal. Radio!
Supervisor: I don't care, Mr. Roykirk. What's it saying?
Tech 1: It's asking for someone called... the Creator.
Supervisor: I'll call Mr. Emmerich now.
Tech 1: Too late! It's changed signals!
Alien Mothership: The Creator has not answered. The carbon-units infestation is to be removed from the Creator's planet.
Supervisor: Oh, good! Removing the carbon units! That solves global warming, right?
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Best I've got, sadly.