[color=#000000
ost_uid0]Top Ten Secret Talents Of:
Mayweather:
10. He sings under the shower. For hours.
9. He makes lovely Vulcan Plomeek soup.
8. He's a master ventriloquist.
7. He plays Zero-G gotcha. With phaseball pistols.
6. He installed a "Make sparks" button, and nobody noticed.
5. He's a highly successful Tribble farmer. In an alternate universe, but hey, it still counts, right?
4. He's the unofficial Frappacino Guru.
3. He came out third in the 247th Micrometeroid Golf championship of Andor.
2. He's an amateur dentist.
And No. 1:
1. He wrote "Shut up!: The silent Ensign's Road to Success"
Hoshi:
10. She figured out how to make something edible out of Starfleet Q-Rations. Now, every other Friday is "Deep-fried silver foil day".
9. She plays a mean game of Kasis-Kot.
8. She's the silent owner and lone stockholder of Expanse Tours.
7. When Cpt. Archer failed the traditional greeting ceremony of the Zileations, Hoshi stepped in and saved the day. In her honor, the Zileations introduced the word "hoshik" to their vocabulary, which means "she who spits very, very far".
6. Enterprise slightly changes appearance towards a Hawaiian motif one room at a time, thanks to Hoshi being a closet interior decorator.
5. She was voted "Damsel in Distress" 2150 AND 2154.
4. She's installed an electroshock mechanism in Trip's bed and is slowly conditioning him to stop snoring up the entire starboard section.
3. She stitches all those holes in the jumpsuits.
2. She knows Kung Fu. Nobody has yet asked her to show it, though.
And No. 1:
1. She wrote "I'll be over here:The other silent Ensign's Road to Success"
Jake:
10. He managed to smuggle his novel past the *extremely* PC Federation censors as part of a drinking bet. (Never say "Melsna!" on Tellar.)
9. There's a console on Ops that nobody knows what it's for. Jake installed it.
8. He makes it beep sometimes, too.
7. Those beeps spell out "Spend more time with your son" in subliminal morse.
6. He has the rare mental gift of Gowronesis. When he had a headache, the Klingons declared war upon the Federation.
5. He knows the replicator code for those pine-shaped air fresheners.
4. His fingernails cut themselves.
3. He's a closet DJ.
2. According to the Marduk report, he's the seventh child. Whatever that means.
And No.1:
1. Oomox, with the help of a pair of dog puppies. Don't even ask.
Top Ten Ways for Standback to Finish his Calculus Homework More Quickly:
10. Use his *other* head.
9. Get a pack of Scalosian coffee.
8. Pay Wesley Crusher to do it. Actually, talking to him probably would suffice...
7. Disregard any tasks that include the letter "g" in their wording - they're trick questions anyway.
6. Stop carving them into stone tablets and get some paper.
5. Level up to a multiple of 5 and use his raise for Intelligence.
4. Stick his head under running water and overclock his brain.
3. Go back in time and dictate the tasks to his great-grandfather, claiming temporal cold war. Pick up sealed envelope from attic and copy notes.
2. Go forward in time to a point where mankind has evolved beyond the need for calculus homework.
And No. 1:
1. Redefine "Finish".
Phew, back with a vengeance and *four* lists!
Next One: Top Ten Inhabitants of the Home for Elderly, Forgotten Villain Species
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