[color=#000000
ost_uid0]10. Odo becomes enamored with Klingon Icecream, going on a Quadrant-wide promotion tour. In the course of the episode, it is revealed that this icecream is made from the bodies of dead tribbles. The Federation Better Business Bureau pressures the Klingons into ceasing export, and the episode ends with Odo drinking a milkshake, lamenting the harsh world that forces people to decide between the genocide of a species and the total lack of a tasty cold snack.
9. A technical debate between Worf and O'Brien calls down a high Federation official to DS9. His luggage: a very big yardstick. His mission: To finally find out how long the Defiant really is.
8. Sisko begins chugging Prozac. Increasingly grueling things happen on the station, culminating in a Dominion boarding. Sisko merely smiles at the invading Jem'Hadar as he keys the autodestruct, whistling a cheerful tune. Finally, he wakes up from his dream, and throws a tantrum over how Bashir's sleep medication is hallucinogenic. (Come to think of it, Bashir himself wasn't too worried when he used his genetic enhancements to merrily walk over the promenade and snap Jemmie necks.)
7. In the crossover to end all crossovers, characters from random sci-fi shows begin to materialise on DS9. The sheer mass of people threatens to overwhelm the station, but Jadzia figures out in the nick of time that Ensign Mary Sue is to blame and has her spaced. The guest stars disappear.
6. Following the astronomical costs of Nr. 7, an entire episode is scripted to take place with Rom imprisoned in a big cardboard box. The storyline questioning reality and all of Western philosophy is highly praised, but critics remark that the cardboard really could have used some silver paint.
5. Ezri is suddenly happy for no apparent reason. The episode follows Odo's investigations as he tries to figure out what has happened to her. It is revealed that Ezri has been replaced by her twin sister Smilezri, who plots to undermine the gloomy, gritty atmosphere of DS9 with unbound fluffiness. Fortunately, Bashir can synthetize Ezri's moping gene and inject it into Smilezry, who subsequently also gains all of Ezri's memories and feelings, changes her name to Ezri, and becomes the new old favourite trill. The episode ends with the real Ezri caught behind a wall in Ops, loudly banging for anyone to let her out, but everyone is too busy being depressed to hear her.
4. Ensign Ultra returns from an away mission alive. In the investigation, it is found out that he has used actual tactics in a phaser fight. Worf advocates promoting him to Chief of Ground Combat Forces, but the prospect of millions of annoying redshirts which actually return from their trips to go on pestering their superiors is too horrible to contemplate. Ensign Ultra is declared to be a Weapon of Mass Destruction and strapped to a photon torpedo, which is then shot into Bajor's sun to the cheering of all.
3. Sisko vs. A bowl of sentient Chili. It's a fight for survival, as the chili tries to avoid being devoured by scorching Sisko's throat. We find out that it's a plot of Kai Winn to destroy Sisko's ability to speechify, but it is foiled when Lt. Whitebread sacrifices himself to put out the fire in the Emissary's throat. The prophets bicker about who of them shall tell Sisko that he really, really needs some breathmint.
2. In a cost-cutting measure, Starfleet rules that uniforms aboard climate-controlled starships and stations are a waste of resources. Consequently, an entire episode takes place with everybody naked. In the end, aftr Admiral Ross forgets to put on his black leather for a secret Section 31 meeting, the shadowy group forces the Federation to reinstate the old dress code. Bashir and O'Brien swear revenge for S31 underminging the freedom of the Federation.
And the Nr. 1 Scandalous DS9 Plot never used is:
1. Quark pulls off a business scheme, and it WORKS.
Next: Top Ten Ways the Federation tried to avoid the Dominion War.
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