5MV merchandise with a twist (and a shout)
 

Recently I've begun writing fivers on paper again. I used to do that all the time, but I stopped after a while when I had frequent enough computer access. Ironically, now that I've started again, my fiving juices are flowing better than they have in years.

And this gave me an idea. Who here would be interested in ordering signed "originals" of fivers? I'm in an extremely tight spot financially right now, so this would really help, and there's no overhead. For those who are interested, how much would you consider a fair price?

I'd personally say 5 to 10 bucks, but I guess the shipping to Germany might kill me...

Gatac

5.47 in whatever the person's home currency is.

I've got a couple boxes of Tacquitos here I'd be willing to trade :P

40-MILLION TONS OF RICE!
I have been waiting soooo long to use that quote :D

Cool, cool. Next question: which series would you be most interested in?

^^Star Trek: Enterprise.....but ONLY the fifth season. No other season will suffice.

Personally, I'd love Shockwave. It was the first Fiver I ever read, and is still (in my opinion) one of the funniest ones on the site.

But if we're talking whole seasons here...well...that's a tough call...

# Nate
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Montana Marijuana Dispensary

VOYAGER!

and that would be pretty coold =)

Personally, I'd love to buy one, but then there'd be shipping and no doubt other stuff that somebody will figure out an excuse for adding to the price. But you could always have something like 'This fiver sponsored by ......' on the site, which would be almost as cool and have less fuss.

I think the best ones would be the Original Originals, The earliest Voyager fivers that you first put up. Those (if you even still have them) would be worth one heck of a lot more than what you're putting up now. Hell, I think i'd bid for 'em on EBay if I saw 'em.

I mean, this site is famous! Look at Wikipedia!

Let me see if I understand you correctly.* You want me to write virtual ENT fivers?

The first fiver I did on paper was "Q2." I was foolish enough to throw out a lot -- probably most -- of those early ones. It'll take some digging to find any from that period that I still have.

I was thinking mostly of current stuff. The big advantage to that is that right now I'm doing a lot of fivers for the big June event, which means anyone who buys one now will also be the first non-staffer to read it. Also, I write longer these days.

Wikipedia is quite literally a poor man's fame. :) And while I'm delighted to be in there, any day now I'm expecting the entry to be challenged because 5MV isn't important enough for them.

There is no "somebody." I'd be mailing these out personally, so the only person who could possibly try to bilk you is me. And yes, the buyer would cover shipping, just as in any online purchase I've ever heard of.

You, Arzosah, may be interested to hear that I know for a fact I have at least one Andromeda fiver on paper. It's one from S2, still unpublished for some reason.

That one I may still have. I distinctly remember doing at least parts of Part II on paper.

On the other hand, I can guarantee I have nothing resembling a whole season.

Funny you should bring that up. I happen to have a new, unpublished VOY fiver from Season 4 in my clipboard right now. You guys wanna start with that one? If there's interest, I'll make an auction thread.

* ..."Commander."

How much is shipping to Australia? I wouldn't even know where to find that out. And i don't suppose you have Ouroborous or the first two eps on paper?

I would guess no more than $2 Canadian -- this is paper we're sending, after all. It can go in an ordinary envelope. And I think I did keep "Ouroboros," so I'll check. The pilot I never did on paper; AHFFF and PatS, though (two of my favourites), may be around.

I'll but $4.70 U.S. down for "Vanishing Point." Somehow, I loved that one best of all.

I second Voyager! Also, what unpublishec VOY fiver would this be? :shock: :mrgreen:

Ok, I'll say AHFFF and Ouroborus if you can find it, but how much (keeping in mind i have no idea about currency conversion.)? Or is it going to be an auction?

You're outta luck there. The writing process for VP was one of my oddest -- I wrote the thing on a cheap PDA I got at Business Depot. It proved so inconvenient I never used it for any others.

Alexia: I guess you have a point there... I can hardly try to auction off a fiver without saying exactly which one it is. The new one from VOY S4 is "Mortal Coil."

I've begun the process of looking through my papers for past fivers. So far I've found the following:

• The unpublished ANDR fiver "Immaculate Perception"
• About 1/3 of ENT's "Sleeping Dogs"
• A sheet with about half of ENT's "Fusion" and two partial Top 10 lists on the front, and the first few scenes of ANDR's "Be All My Sins Remembered" on the back
• The middle third (go figure) of ANDR's "The Knight, Death, and the Devil"
• The first few scenes of Buffy's "Amends," which I'd forgotten I started and will finish when I have time

Obviously only the first three items are even remotely saleable, so I'll keep looking. In addition to these, I have the following recent fivers, all complete:

• ENT's "Azati Prime," "Damage," and "The Forgotten"
• Two OC fivers being saved for the June event
• "Mortal Coil"

Now here's the other problem. You'll notice I don't have very many of these, and people want older ones (which I have even fewer of) more than ones I do now. $5 Canadian for each is, don't get me wrong, very flattering -- but it would take a lot of them to be much help to my finances. How would you guys feel about starting a little higher, like $10 Canadian (= 7.94 US)? I mean, this is theoretically going to be done by auction threads, but I'm not expecting them to be very active. Even as I say this stuff I feel like punching myself for it, because while this isn't some kind of ego trip, it's sure doing a good imitation. But I'm really broke right now and I don't want to just put up a donation box.

Here's a suggestion: auction the older, "genuine" pieces starting at C$15, and then offer "reproductions" of the other fivers (whichever one somebody wants printed out in Word or whatever, still with your autograph) for a flat rate of C$5? That way the rarer material garners more cash, since you have so few of those, and the more abundant material feels like a bargain.

Sounds good to me. But then I'm not Zeke, so...

And even though this was (probably) never on paper, Paneldemonium is one of the funniest damn things ever. I'd pay high money for the whole cast.

# Nate

Sorry, guest post was me. Forgot to log in. :oops:

# Nate
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BMW XDRIVE

My personal opinion is that all one-of-a-kind stuff should be done via some sort of auction. I'd be glad to pay $5 American for a signed printout of a fiver, with perhaps a discount for buying in bulk. Zeke's right, I don't think that complete fived seasons exist yet. My only arguement is that guest fivists submit fivers with no expectation of compensation. If Zeke is to get money for his fivers, the rest of us should get some too. Not the entire price, of course. Using the five dollars example, say that maybe two bucks go to the individual fivist and three go to the site. Something like that. I did like the "4.70 in local currency idea" too.

evay, you are a godsend. That signed-printouts idea is perfect.

I'm sorry, that word looks really perverted. "Fiverist" sounds like a deranged last name, though. "Fiverer"? Maybe "5ist"? Or does that look like a brand of underwear?

:mrgreen: We are here to serve.

Maybe it would be an idea to sell entire seasons as booklets. Like some web comics (like Userfriendly) also have books. Hm.. But that would only work for those seasons without guest writers, I suppose. Unless submitting a fiver makes it your property (not sure about this), or the writers give permission.

I dunno about that, Michiel. It's very close to something I thought of a long time ago -- publishing fivers in book form -- but the problem is I can't make money off it, or I lose my fair use protection. Selling fiver printouts probably falls under de minimis non curat lex, but entire seasons would go for more money, and that might be pushing it.

The way I understand Zeke's idea, what is being offered isn't so much the intellectual content of the fivers, since that part is published on 5MV and is made available for free reading to anyone who visits the site. What is being offered is either the physical artifact of his original manuscripts or signed photocopies of those same manuscripts. The attraction, in other words, isn't so much the content as the object itself, written in "the master's hand" (or bearing his autograph, kind of like an autographed Voyager script). It's not compensation for the writer's work, since everyone who has contributed fivers has always understood that there was no remuneration involved other than the satisfaction of seeing one's work published and having it draw some favourable comments from the readership.

I don't imagine there would be anything stopping a guest writer from privately offering his or her manuscripts for auction on a similar basis if they wanted to (assuming that their fiver was handwritten to begin with), but they'd have to see how much demand there would be for it. My own fivers, for instance, were all written directly on my PC, so there are no handwritten manuscripts of them except some occasional longhand notes that I usually discard when I've submitted my finished material to Zeke.

I guess one added attraction that handwritten manuscripts would have for English Majors and Lit Crit types is that one could see from them how the writing process progressed for a particular fiver. One might also find a few draft jokes that ended up on the cutting room floor -- sort of like the outtakes included in the DVD release of a movie. Those could be fun to read...or not, since some of what gets discarded is cut because it simply doesn't work.

Marc's right. I was only considering my own fivers here, but if a guest writer wanted to sell printouts like this, I'd be willing to arrange that through the site. I'm not sure whether I'd take a cut, but if I did, it would only be a buck or so. The guest writer himself would print the fiver out and mail it; my $1 would just be a networking fee, if you will.

Infinite Improbability: To clarify a bit, this should not be considered my "getting paid" for fivers, because it's neither required nor regular. By the same token, the money I get won't go towards the site, because this site doesn't consume money -- just time and energy. The money goes to me, because I have no income for the next two months and could really use some. But it's not a donation, because you get something for it.

I think the best metaphor is tipping your pizza guy. He brings the pizza whether you tip him or not, but a tip will make his life a bit easier, and he'll appreciate it.

Ah, but Zeke, you can't be sued in this country for anything worth less than $20. Now, most here would argue your fivers are worth far more than that, but Paramout can't legally get you on that. Or something. Why am I discussing this? My expertise is in philosophy and politics, for goodness' sakes!

I will add that I also would be willing to shell out at least $15 (USD, of course. Canadian money is a pale imitation of the dollar) + S&H for Paneldemonium or Sleapers signed by the whole writing team. That would be tough to do, of course, but definitely worthy of a frame.

This first bit is to whoever got confused by the term "fivist." Over at Five-Minute Stargate we got to calling easch other fivists, a play on words of "artist," "gymnast," etc. It is a title.

"Getting paid" is a troublesome term right there. That implies that our job is to write fivers specifically for remuneration. That is not the case. Granted, you never quite assume full ownership of fivers. You post our names and e-mail addresses on each fiver, and you never claim them as your own. You're right, I could go to Ebay and try to sell signed copies of my fivers, but no one there would buy any. Only regular 5MV visitors would, ergo I'd have to advertise via the main site. Thus you deserve a portion of the "profit" as compensation for the time and effort you put into posting and maintaining our work so that others may view them. You need money to maintain the site. We don't need money to enjoy it.

Actually, the term "fivist" (and in general, the use of "five" as a verb) predates 5MSG. It's been in the FAQ since we've had one.

Well, this is an interesting idea to be sure. Hmm, come to think of it, I could start auctioning off my restraining orders in a similar way - classic PHJ memorabilia, you know.

I know I wouldn't mind paying for a signed copy of an original draft or even a printout (or even a hand-copied one, though I suspect that might prove a little laborious). I'd also pay for autographed pictures of Zeke in a bunny suit, but I don't think that one is going to happen somehow. Ah well.

I require a bunny suit, copious amounts of beer, and a sample of Zeke's handwriting to forge.

Actually, if I wanted an autographed picture of you in a bunny suit all I'd need to do is bribe Nan sufficiently (I'm sure she can find the handcuffs somewhere herself).

I'm going to be meeting her in Vancouver next week. Don't give her any ideas.

Also, handcuffs? *SHARPIETHWAM!*

Oh, I'm sure she doesn't need my help in any way. She's far more sadistic than I am, after all.

Gesundheit.

If I'm mistaken about the origin of fivist, I apologize. If the term did originate here, then it should be used more often so there's no confusion. It's a great term!

You know me too well, Pointy.

I must KEEL YOU!

Good day all,

Zeke, do you have 'Broken Bow' laying around? I'll pay 10 for both parts. and if you find more of Sleeping Dogs, ill take that one. and there is one more that i love, jsut cant remmber the name. lol read it last night. um...the one were Archer looses his long turn memory. LOL Head buts the anomoly like a water poloball LMAO. i have $20.00 bucks with your name on it. having signed fivers is well worth it...and one will make a good gift to my sis. thanks.

I don't have originals of the ones you want, but as discussed in today's update, you can order signed printouts. <a href="mailto:zeke@fiveminute.net>Email me</a> with your mailing address and we'll go from there.