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-   -   December (COUGH) 19 (http://www.fiveminute.net/forums/showthread.php?t=620)

Zeke 12-21-2004 12:11 AM

December (COUGH) 19
 


Welcome to 5MV's 4.5th-anniversary event: Voyager Week! That article covers everything you need to know about the event, so make sure to read it if you're curious about our reasons, motives and such. Today's new content:
<ul>[*]We're starting the week off light with a no-fiver update -- after this it's two a day. So the first item today is a new Top 10 List by me: The Top 10 Differences Between Voyager and Season 3 of Enterprise.[*]The other item is the start of a new panel discussion! The two we've done before, Paneldemonium and Sleapers, have been among our most popular events. You'll find this one a little different -- but no less of a fun ride. Read Voyagers, part 1: "Chairtalker", by me, and you'll quickly figure out what's going on. (There's a character in here that those in the know about 5MV's history will quickly recognize -- if no one in the comment thread recognizes him, I'll post myself and explain, so keep an eye on that thread.)[/list]

That's it for today, so all that's left is an apology for the delay. In a sense, it doesn't matter -- I don't remember the exact birthday of 5MV, after all. But the 15th was basically made official last year, and I did say this would start on the 15th, so I'm sorry I missed the target. Strictly speaking, this shouldn't even be the 19th's update, but I'd like to end the week on Christmas, so I'm cheating a bit. That's good news for you, because it means you get Day 2 of VW in just a few hours!

Anonymous 12-21-2004 12:58 AM

That was quite entertaining. I think the delta/delphic connection was the funniest line in the Top 10 list.

By the way, the link on the front page leads to the wrong top ten list, and there's no link to the new list on the Top Ten table of contents.

BR48 12-21-2004 12:59 AM

That was me, by the way. Once again, I have been foiled by a lack of cookies.

Zeke 12-21-2004 01:04 AM

Thanks. Fixed the former, working on the latter.

Sa'ar Chasm 12-21-2004 01:19 AM

Quote:

Man, this is bad. What did I ever do to deserve this?

(Three days ago at a Maquis base)
Cal Hudson: I need to go to the bathroom. Don't touch the weapons console.
Kira: Aye aye, sir!
(Hudson leaves. Kira stares at the button marked "Fire 600 warheads at Cardassia Prime." Her eyes shift back and forth.)
<snicker>

Quote:

Zeke: Helping nature along?
IJD: It was this or hitting rocks with hammers for no reason.
I'd always wondered why prisoners did that.

Quote:

Zeke: (looks around) Quite the little grove you've got here. Are these all --
IJD: Cedar, yeah.
This is worse than me and lemmings.

Quote:

IJD: You mean Kira? She's probably in the Badlands. You know, Saskatchewan.
ZING! Strictly speaking the Badlands are in Alberta, but Kira couldn't be persuaded to move for the sake of that joke.

Quote:

IJD: (squinting) I guess a gigantic spoon counts as something, yeah.
There is no...oh, never mind.

Quote:

But our ship is in and out in five minutes.
Ooooh, *subtext*.

Quote:

Zeke: (turns to the staff) Gentlemen, I'm afraid I've forgotten your names.
First Officer: Don't worry about it. We have years to get to know each other. I'm --
Dude! Careful! That's like saying you have a week until retirement in a cop movie.

Quote:

Stadi: Yes, ma'am!
Zeke: It's not cross-dressing time yet, Ensign. I'll let you know when.
<snicker>

Quote:

Tactical Officer: Sir! I'm detecting a wave. A displacement wave. A tetryon displacement wave.
Ops Officer: ...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four chief weapons....
Oy! That's my schtick! :P

Quote:

Ops Officer: Okay, you've made that joke three times since the mission started, and I don't intend to listen to it for an entire tour of duty. I'm getting killed too. (nudges the ceiling, which gives way and crushes him)
Wasn't Harry the Ops officer?

In his situation, I'd probably choose death over bad jokes as well.

Quote:

IJD: (checks) You'd better sit down for this.
Zeke: My chair is covered in sharp debris.
IJD: I know, it'll be funny.
<znerk>

Quote:

Marc: I can see that. Very well, please line up in alphabetical order.
I see everyone's being drawn true to life here.

Quote:

Marc: Yet again, for the first time, no one has remembered to turn me off.
'cause if they did, they'd have to turn him o--I don't think I'll finish that.

Quote:

Farmer: Good girl, honey. Now give it to 'im.
(Sally rears back and whacks IJD in the face with the hoe.)
<snicker>

Quote:

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.
ARRRRGH! The puns, the puns, they hurt!

Quote:

IJD: I'm in it for the EXP.
300 more and he'll be level 6.

Quote:

Zeke: We're alone. In an uncharted part of the galaxy....
It's not uncharted, you lost the charts. Aw, Futurama.

Quote:

Derek: Five of Five to Unicomplex. Mission complete. But I still don't understand why it was necessary to destroy that array and the smaller ship.
The plot thickens. Dun dun DUN DUN dun duuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Impressive piece of literature. Can't wait for part 2.

evay 12-21-2004 01:44 AM

Quote:

IJD: Oh, and there's an array. (puts it on screen)
Zeke: Hmm. Doesn't look like an Array of Light.
IJD: Or an Array Charles.
Zeke: Or an Everybody Loves Arraymond.
IJD: Or Arrayed: Kills Bugs Dead.
'ray cool, man. 8)

Quote:

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.
ROFLMAO! Totally worth the wait for the payoff.

Quote:

Banjo Man: It's one a' mah talents. Ah was class valee-dictoreean at the Wordy Bastards Hall a' Fame.
Unca Jim!

I know how hard it is to beat up a pilot episode, having done it twice in one parody, so -- BIG KUDOS!

woohoo! that was post 47! :mrgreen:

Kira 12-21-2004 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm
ZING! Strictly speaking the Badlands are in Alberta, but Kira couldn't be persuaded to move for the sake of that joke.

Edmonton and Calgary have IKEA, among other great shopping opportunities. It would take far less than you might think. ;)

Ginga 12-21-2004 02:10 AM

Quote:

Zeke: I think you're a little too Young. (winks into the camera at the three VVS9 readers who get that)
Ooh, me, me! :wink:

Oh, man. You don't know how hard I was laughing through this whole thing. *applauds* I LOVE it! XD Can't wait for the rest. :3

And Voyager in the mirror universe is... :lol:

Quote:

Marc: (over the comm) How about the Regayov?

Scooter 12-21-2004 02:46 AM

So great to see a new and hilarious feature. Great, great, knee-slapping kudos. Favorite lines include:

Quote:

Marc: Please state that I'm a doctor, not a medical emergency.
and

Quote:

Ops Officer: ...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four chief weapons....
*still chuckling*


ETA:
Quote:

Marc: Ah. Tricorder.
(Officer 1 looks quickly around the room and finds only a spoon, which he hands Marc.)
Marc: (glaring) Medical tricorder!
Officer 1: There is no tr--
hee hee

Nan 12-21-2004 03:25 AM

Quote:

Zeke: Look, mister banjo man....
Banjo Man: Fatherly Uncle banjo man.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Good times. :D

Xeroc 12-21-2004 04:30 AM

Awesome Zeke! :D

I Can't Wait for the Next Installment! (And the Rest of Voyager Week!)


Incredibly Funny Top Ten and Voyagers, Part 1!


(I'd quote, but then this topic would be as long as the published material by now. :))

Hotaru 12-21-2004 06:34 AM

I loved both! Excellent!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kira
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm
ZING! Strictly speaking the Badlands are in Alberta, but Kira couldn't be persuaded to move for the sake of that joke.

Edmonton and Calgary have IKEA, among other great shopping opportunities. It would take far less than you might think. ;)

Ikea? That store is like a square kilometre! And you can only travel in one direction! It takes 3 hours to pick up a pillow form! Ikea! BAH! Maybe the one in Edmonton is better but, wait, nothing is better in Edmonton, being as it is Edmonton. Calgary > Edmonton.

Well that's enough pro-Calgary stuff from me.

Once again, great stuff Zeke.

Nan 12-21-2004 07:09 AM

Ignore my bad math skills.

Alexia 12-21-2004 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm
Quote:

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.
ARRRRGH! The puns, the puns, they hurt!

So SO bad, it's actually good :wink:

Nicely done Zeke :mrgreen:

admiral sab 12-21-2004 02:34 PM

Quote:
Zeke: Look, mister banjo man....
Banjo Man: Fatherly Uncle banjo man.

By Nan:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Good times.



Quote:

Marc: (over the comm) How about the Regayov?
(Silence.)
Ahhhhhhhh even better times, Nan.


LOL I think I laughed the hardest at this line because of Zeke's reaction to Marc's line! lol anyways, good stuff all the way around. And who doesn't love a Fatherly Uncle Jim reference? ;)[/quote]

KillerGodMan 12-21-2004 02:43 PM

Quote:

10. Voyager was in an unfamiliar and frightening area of the galaxy, while... hmm. Okay, forget that, let's try another one.

10. Voyager was alone, outpowered, and out of contact with Starfleet. Enterprise was... no, wait. Start over.

10. The captain of Voyager was pushed to her limits and made harsh choices the crew didn't always... hmm. Hang on.

10. Voyager's Starfleet crew had to integrate a group of outsiders with a different mindse-- arrgh. I'll get this.

10. The main enemy of Voyager was a ruthless alien empire which... incorporated various races into one... dammit!

10. Voyager's doctor was an eccentric... I mean, was the only one of his kind on the....

10. Voyager's first officer was played by a griping....

10. All right, I give the hell up. There are no differences.

10. For God's sake, Delphic even sounds like Delta!

And the number one difference between Voyager and S3 Enterprise....

10. And MACOs! Maquis! Come ON, people! Do you think we're stupid? That does it, I'm outta here.
HAHAHAHA! It's funny because it's true!

evay 12-21-2004 03:06 PM

Despite my attempt to prove otherwise, there are more...


Captain who's intermittently psychotic -- check

Captain who orders the death-by-medical procedure (which could be argued is an act of murder) of a "created" sentient being in order to restore the life of a more-beloved bridge officer -- check [Sim and Tuvix]

Bridge officer who's the scion of a military family but currently in paternal disfavor for not living up to the Admiral's expectations -- check

Constantly crashing shuttlecraft -- check

Guest appearance by Jeff Combs -- check

Guest appearance by a wrestler as an alien -- check (okay, Big Show was on ENT in S4)

admiral sab 12-21-2004 03:20 PM

I found a difference!

First officer on Voyager wasn't an emotionless..... oh crap.

Ok never mind.

mudshark 12-21-2004 05:51 PM

:D

All of it. Just brillo.
Quote:

Originally Posted by evay
Quote:

Banjo Man: It's one a' mah talents. Ah was class valee-dictoreean at the Wordy Bastards Hall a' Fame.
Unca Jim!

Heh, yeah -- had the same thought..

Celeste 12-21-2004 06:54 PM

::Shakes::

Voy... voy....voyager week! Yippee! :D ::does the hustle and then licks Zeke::


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