[color=#000000:post_uid0]We skip a couple of very short scenes, and then...

Morpheus and Neo are walking down a busy street (still in their training program, but it's simulating the Matrix now). As Morpheus explains about the Agents, a hot girl in a red dress passes by, and Neo can't help staring. Morpheus calls him on it, telling him to look at the girl again; when he does, she's turned into an Agent, who points his gun at Neo's head as Morpheus freezes the program. Neo gets over his shock (he didn't know it was a simulation; that was Morpheus's revenge for [i:post_uid0]Much Ado About Nothing[/i:post_uid0]), and Morpheus explains more about Agents. Apparently no resistance member has ever defeated one. Morpheus explains, however, that he's confident Neo will -- not because he can dodge bullets, but because "when you're ready, you won't have to."

One scene. Synopsis here. Let's stay on-topic this time, folks.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Woman in Red Dress: You never called me. Do you not love me anymore?
Neo: Im sorry, I have been busy.
Woman: Busy? Now I am pissed *turns in an agent*
Morpheus: I told you she was too much for you.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Woman in a Red Dress: La de da de da...
Morpheous: These Agents are tough customers, Neo. But if anyone can beat them, you can. Because you're special.
Neo: Hey, I think that woman stole Tank's red dress.
Morpheous: That was a disturbing way of putting it. But have you heard a single word I've said?
Neo: Hmm? Oh, yeah, the Agents are tough and all. Pfft, I survived a fall off of a skyscraper, an Agent or five will be no problem at all for me.
Agent in a Red Dress: I resent that.
Neo: Now [i:post_uid0]that[/i:post_uid0] is disturbing.
Agent: Sorry. There weren't any phone booths nearby.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, here's some thoughts. Do with them as you will.

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Woah! Check out that woman in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You think she's a turn on, but really she'll turn on you.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] I'm okay with that.
[b:post_uid0]Agent:[/b:post_uid0] No, dummy, I'm an agent.

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] So what are the agents?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] They are the gatekeepers, --
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Am I the keymaster?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] I thought I told Tank [i:post_uid0]not[/i:post_uid0] to download the script to [i:post_uid0]Ghostbusters[/i:post_uid0].

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] As we walk through this deliberately monochrome city, try not to notice the very obvious woman in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] No worries. I'm too busy looking at that woman in the red -- D'OH![/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Okay, how about this?


[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Agents are the worst, evillest, foulest things you can encounter in the Matrix.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Right. Ooh, woman in red dress! Sweet!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You don't ever meet one.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Right. Ooh.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] And you've got a third leg growing out of your stomach.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Right. Ooh.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] I knew you weren't paying attention. Shoot him!
[b:post_uid0]Agent:[/b:post_uid0] With pleasure!



Or, how about:


[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Agents are the most dangerous things here. But you don't have to worry about dealing with them, because you have the most powerful weapon in the history of this place in your arsenal.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Your old movies.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I was thinking of turning this one around a bit, thusly:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] ...and everybody here in the Matrix is really our enemy, because the Agents are too strong for us, so otherwise we'd have nobody to shoot.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Hey! Look at her - I think she's about to turn into an Agent!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Dammit, Neo, are you listening to me, or looking at the woman in the red dress?

Offhand, I can also offer the complete non sequitur:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Neo! Don't look at the woman in the red dress?
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What? Why not?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Because the red ones are my [i:post_uid0]favourite![/i:post_uid0]

OK, we probably won't use that one, but it has a certain absurdist charm to it... Â :D[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: Because the red ones are my favourite!
[/quote:post_uid0]

It's the gag that keeps on giving...and giving, and giving, and giving.

Personally, I'm in favour of Taya's...sorry, 17's "Your old movies" bit. Personally, I got nothing. I got buckets of nothing. I have so much nothing I'm considering bottling and selling it for 99.99.99.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: Agents are the bad guys. We are the good guys. Got it?
Neo: So how do we stop them?
Morpheus: By giving them the woman in the red dress.
-------------------------------------------------------
Morpheus: Hurry up, the light is changing.
Neo: I just stepped in gum, give me a minute.
Morpheus: I will just be waiting over here by this sexy woman in the red dress.
*Neo jumps over the street*
Neo: Don't ever fall for the wrong women, they could be agents
Morpheus: How do you know?
Neo: They are the one that wear black shoes and carry loaded guns.
-------------------------------------------------------
Morpheus: Somebody has to face the agents so we can open the gate.
Neo: How do we do that?
Morpheus: I believe you are the one that can defeat them
Neo: So how do we open the gate?
Morpheus: You must find the DVD to the right movie that you were in.
Neo: Can't I just fly over the gate?
Morpheus: hmmm, I never thought of that.[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Personally, I got nothing. Â I got buckets of nothing. Â I have so much nothing I'm considering bottling and selling it for 99.99.99.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]But Sa'ar, surely you know that In Real Life, nothing is free. So why would anyone want to pay for [i:post_uid0]nothing[/i:post_uid0]?


:D[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]That reminds me, Cypher's "Oh, nothing" is probably coming up in a few scenes. ;)

[quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: ...so yeah, it's a thankless job, but somebody's got to do it. ...Neo, stop glancing around everywhere and pay attention to me. What's wrong with you?
Neo: This is a holodeck, right? Well, I've seen The Next Generation. I know what holodecks do: they mess up and threaten everybody's life every single time someone uses them. Hear me, all you holographic people? I'm keeping an eye on all of y--ooh, a cute girl...
Morpheus: Remember what you said about the likelihood of the holodeck malfunctioning, Neo?
Neo: Um, yeah, why?
Woman in a Red Dress: It's about to happen again. *poof*
Neo: EEK! Computer, freeze program!
Morpheus: Aww, why'd you have to do that? We were just getting to the good part.[/quote:post_uid0]

Here's a better one.
[quote:post_uid0]Neo: Wow, check out the cutie in the red dress!
Morpheus: I wouldn't get too excited. She may not be in a blue dress, but she's trouble.
Neo: What are you talking about? She can't possibly be trouble! She looks like an angel, she even walks like an angel...
Cutie in a Red Dress: *poof*
Neo: Yikes! You're a devil in disguise!
Agent: About time you got wise.[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]:Elvis turns in his grave:


Of course, if you believe that Elvis is still alive, then that line doesn't apply to you ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="Derek"][color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Woah! Check out that woman in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You think she's a turn on, but really she'll turn on you.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] I'm okay with that.
[b:post_uid0]Agent:[/b:post_uid0] No, dummy, I'm an agent.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like this one best. It should a least be included, I think.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm strongly tempted to rip off "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress", but I can't see anyone getting out the two lines that would be required in the split-second after Neo suddenly finds himself on the business end of a gun. ;)

[quote:post_uid0]Woman in a Red Dress: Knock knock, Neo.
Neo: Oh goody, another joke. Who's there?
Woman: In a moment, an Agent who'll be sticking a gun in your face.
Neo: In a moment, an Agent who'll be sticking a gun in your face who?
Agent: Sigh.
Neo: Whoa, I totally wasn't expecting that for a punchline!
Morpheus: Somehow, I'm not surprised.[/quote:post_uid0]

Or we could go the Monty Python route and have the Agent respond, "*Nobody* expects an Agent's target acquisition!" or something like that.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: The most important thing to remember is that nothing is what it seems.
Neo: Uh huh...
Morpheus: Were you paying attention, Neo, or were you watching that Agent walk past? Well, look again.
Neo: AHHHHHHH!
Cher: Gets them every time.

It's not all that funny, I know, but I can't pass up such a good oppertunity for Cher-bashing.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Let's see what I can do with it...

Morpheus: The most important thing to remember is that nothing is what it seems.
Neo: ...nothing as it seems.
Morpheus: Danger can lurk anywhere.
Neo...anger can be anyone, yeah, yeah.
Morpheus: Were you paying attention, Neo, or were you watching that chick in the red dress walk past? Well, look again.
Cher: I got you, babe.
Neo: AHHHHHHH! Oh, the humanity!
Morpheus: The beautiful thing about this training program is that I can turn back time and do this again.

Didn't really make it funnier, but it's longer and contains more song lyrics.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Surely you could stick "believe" in there somewhere? ;)

[i:post_uid0]Neo...anger can be anyone, yeah, yeah. I believe you.[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm not much one for song lyrics. I keep seeing all these really long entries, that seem much too much for such a minor scene. If PHJ's isn't dependant on the song lyrics, I think it could be shortened to the last three lines:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Were you paying attention, Neo, or were you watching that Agent walk past? Look again.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] AHHHHHHH!
[b:post_uid0]Cher:[/b:post_uid0] Gets them every time.

I would consider going with this.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmmmm... we're eleven days in, but it doesn't look like any of the versions suggested so far have really caught on. Maybe we need a fresh take on the material.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I actually like Standback's "the red ones are my favorite."[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Question. I seem to remember reading something about scenes "in" the Matrix being tinged with green. Or was it the scenes "outside" the Matrix that were tinged with green? And did the moviemakers do any other color coordination?


On an oddly related note:

[quote:post_uid0]Agent: *BOO!* --Did I scare you?
Neo: Nahh. "Wearing red, you're good as dead." You redshirts are pitiful.
Agent: Ahem. I'm wearing a red *dress*.
Neo: Yeah, I noticed. I'm trying to purge the image from my mind, okay?[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]