[color=#000000:post_uid0]The next morning, Neo has breakfast with the others. What they eat isn't exactly pleasant: nutrient mush is the best the Resistance can do. While they eat, Mouse (a young, thin crew member) offers Neo a "special" visit with the woman in the red dress from earlier. The conversation is interrupted by Morpheus, who tells them to prepare to enter the Matrix. Neo is going to be taken to see the Oracle.

Synopsis here, one scene, bla bla bla, I'm so tedious, bla bla.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: This is crap
Trinity: I risk my life every day so I can put food on the table, and all you have to say is that my cooking is crap? *cries*
Neo: Does this mean there won't be a sex scene later?
---------------------------------------------------------
Neo: Hey Morpheus, why don't you ever join us at the breakfast table?
Morpheus: Why would I eat this crap when I can eat a steak in the Matrix.
Cypher: Why is everyone looking at me?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Several bits, thrown together:



Neo: Yawn, where's breakfast--[i:post_uid0]this[/i:post_uid0] is breakfast? Yuck...
Mouse: Oo, a chance to throw Neo for a loop before he fully wakes up!
Neo: Oh, no. Someone get me out of here already...
Morpheus: Good morning, Neo. I'm going to take you to meet a friend, the Oracle, today.
Neo: "Oracle"? Are you trying to establish that the Matrix is a metaphor for Microsoft and that you are a metaphor for the underdog competition?
Morpheus: Wha? Aren't you still half-asleep?
Neo: Well, I was until Trinity dumped a bowl of ice cubes down my back a minute ago.
Trinity: Hey, I wanted my own revenge for [i:post_uid0]Devil's Advocate[/i:post_uid0] too.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: Why are we having chicken for breakfast?
Mouse: Well--
Dozer: Oh, don't start.
Morpheus: Today we visit the Oracle in--
Neo: Delphi?
Morpheus: New York, you berk.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Mouse:[/b:post_uid0] Hey, good morning. I thought you'd appreciate starting the day with a little chat about sex and Tastee Wheat.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] All right, that association there is [i:post_uid0]seriously[/i:post_uid0] disturbing.
[b:post_uid0]Trinity:[/b:post_uid0] No kidding. No more lines for [i:post_uid0]you,[/i:post_uid0] young man.

-----------

I also liked NAHT's take on Oracle. Perhaps:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Neo, today I am going to introduce you to someone. You see, we have allies in our struggle against our evil, all-controlling oppressors...
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Oracle and Linux?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Well, the Linux we're saving for [i:post_uid0]Revolutions.[/i:post_uid0]

Or even (if we are feeling particularly irreverant):

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Well, the Linux we're saving for [i:post_uid0]Revolutions,[/i:post_uid0] after Gloria Foster's dead.

----------------

I do apoligize if I'm over the top with either weird sexual associations or mocking the dead. Also, I know nothing in computers, so quite possibly the Oracle/Linux/Microsoft joke makes no sense whatsoever, and I'd never know it.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Odd...I logged in, but it didn't register. Enh.

Random thought that diverted me from my quest to obtain lunch:

Mouse: I can introduce you to the woman in the red dress. She has a new webcomic up.
Tank: Phlox called. He wants his hat back.

Possibly there's a Reboot reference to "Mouse", but it's a bit of a stretch.

OK, need food. Brain works better.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I checked Oracle's website (or at least one of them) before I posted my passage. They apparently don't sell operating systems (a la Windows), but they do sell business-oriented software and stuff (for both Windows and Linux), and there's enough of an overlap in the software there to justify a Microsoft joke at the least.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Speaking as someone who stays current with computer news, Oracle and Microsoft are competing and, yes, Standback's joke works fine.

I've only come up with one thought so far:

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Ick. What is the goopy mess? No way I'm eating that.
[b:post_uid0]Dozer:[/b:post_uid0] Oh come on. What are you, man or mouse?
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] He's Mouse.

(or possibly, [b:post_uid0]Mouse:[/b:post_uid0] I'm Mouse.)[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Personally, I like PHJ's version. I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportinities for a good Microsoft joke later. -- Pteryx[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]There are two ideas so far I really like: the steak reference, and the pimp hat reference (without Phlox, since that may get old fast). Â So:

[b:post_uid0]Mouse:[/b:post_uid0] So Neo, I hear you really liked that babe in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Yes, I did. Â What's your point? Â And why are you wearing that pimp hat?
[b:post_uid0]Dozer:[/b:post_uid0] Hey Morpheus, how come you don't eat breakfast with us?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Why would I eat this crap when I can eat a steak in the Matrix?
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] Why is everyone looking at me?

Hm... that's four questions in a row, so open to suggestions.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Finally, one of my references is noticed :)

You can call that the Kira/Sa'ar/NeoMatrix version. I vote for it. Just as long I get some of the credit.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Perhaps that can be tightened to something on the lines of:

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] this disgusting glop?
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] No one knows. If you ask me, we should all just go eat steak in the Matrix instead.
[i:post_uid0](long silence)[/i:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] What? Why're you all looking at me like that?

/me is less amused by the pimp hat reference.[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]/me is less amused by the pimp hat reference.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oh, come on -- how is a pimp hat not funny? :D[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]You'd be amazed. :D

It's amusing, but not as funny or as central as other jokes. So I don't want to get stuck on it.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I've just been struck by inspiration (or possibly a brick), so I'm going to have another go -

Neo: What 's for breakfast?
Dozer: Cokalash.
Neo: O-kay... I'll have a bowl of that then.
Dozer: No bowl, only stick.
Morpheus: Listen up - today we visit the Oracle in--
Neo: Delphi?
Morpheus: New York, you berk.

EDIT: Maybe someone could do something with a Mouseweather (Mouse+Mayweather) gag.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](by the way, I think I liked Standback's take on Oracle better than my own. PHJ's is good too.)


A rearrangement of Kira's block:

[b:post_uid0]Mouse:[/b:post_uid0] Hey, Neo, how'd you like that woman in the red dress? I programmed her, y'know. I call her, "Minuet 2.0".
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Hey, Neo, eat up quick. We're off to see the Oracle soon. Cypher, aren't you hungry?
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] Hey, even if I were, why would I eat this rubbish here when I can go eat a steak in the Matrix?
[b:post_uid0]Everyone Else:[/b:post_uid0] Wha...?
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] ...What? Did I say something wrong?


A twist on PHJ's:

Neo: Why are we having chicken for breakfast?
Mouse: Speaking of chicken--
Dozer: Oh, don't you start.
Morpheus: Good morning, Neo. Today we visit the Oracle at--
Neo: Delphi?
Morpheus: Gethsemane Street in New York, actually.
Neo: Whatever. I just hope that wasn't foreshadowing.


And another bit to throw in the pot just for kicks :smile: :

Mouse: How's breakfast, Neo?
Neo: Painful. I keep poking myself with this pointy fork. Don't you people have even a single spoon?
Tank: Sorry, Neo. There is no spoon. Morpheus gave them all to some brat for some project.[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Mouse: How's breakfast, Neo?
Neo: Painful. I keep poking myself with this pointy fork. Don't you people have even a single spoon?
Tank: Sorry, Neo. There is no spoon. Morpheus gave them all to some brat for some project.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Heh. I like it. I'd probably leave off the explanation and just end the scene with "there is no spoon" as that's the actual punchline.

Mouse: How's breakfast, Neo?
Neo: Painful. I keep poking myself with this pointy fork. Don't you people have even a single spoon?
Tank: Sorry, Neo. There is no spoon.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like NAH's as well. "There is no spoon" has been a favourite tagline of mine ever since I watched the Matrix movie. ;)

Here's mine, also just for kicks, hopefully not directed at me.

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] This is [i:post_uid0]breakfast[/i:post_uid0]? EW! Who cooked it, the Bar Rodent?
[b:post_uid0]Trinity:[/b:post_uid0] Close, it was Mouse.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Not nearly as hot as the chick in the red dress, I'm afraid.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Shut up, be good, eat your breakfast. Then maybe I'll take you to see the Oracle.


Or:

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] I swear this breakfast is retribution for my past movies which weren't so good.
[b:post_uid0]Trinity:[/b:post_uid0] Which would be [i:post_uid0]all[/i:post_uid0] of them.
[b:post_uid0]Mouse:[/b:post_uid0] No wonder this [i:post_uid0]stinks[/i:post_uid0].
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Stop complaining and eat, or I'm not going to take you to see the Oracle today.

Gah. I wish I had something even the least bit funny to contribute, but sorry folks, not today.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yours are amusing, 17, they're just kinda clunky.



Neo: YUCK! This is horrible! Doesn't your chef know how to cook?
Tank: He said to tell you to consider this mush retribution for all your past movies.*
Neo: Wow, no wonder it's so awful.


* Alternate line for the forums ;):
Tank: Nope. He's too busy learning to dodge bullets to learn how to cook.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Mouse: You know, this food isn't that bad.
Tank: Are you kidding me? I would rather sit down to a steak dinner with an agent than eat this sludge.
Trinity: Oh, like THAT would ever happen.
Cypher: (whistles innocently)

Morpheus: It's time to go see the Oracle, Neo.
Neo: You mentioned an oracle before but I still don't know what it is...is it shiny?
Trinity: (sighs) Let me see if I can put this in terms you can understand. Think of her as a living magic 8 ball.
Neo: Whee!
Trinity: But if you pick her up and shake her you won't get any sugar cookies.
Neo: Aw.[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Mouse: How's breakfast, Neo?
Neo: Painful. I keep poking myself with this pointy fork. Don't you people have even a single spoon?
Tank: Sorry, Neo. There is no spoon. Morpheus gave them all to some brat for some project.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I really liked this one, and the one by terek rall - remind me not to drink coke near the computer while on this site.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Maybe there should be a notice up on the front page - "Do not attempt to drink anything whilst looking at this site".[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]A slightly different take on TerakRall's:


Mouse: You know, this food isn't that bad. Though it certainly isn't as good as that hot chick in the red--
Tank: Stow it. And the food IS that bad. I would rather sit down to dinner with an agent than eat this sludge.
Cypher: You say that like it's bad. ...What? Did I say something wrong?*


*Alternate line: Especially if it were a steak dinner. Mm-mmm. ...Er, not that I would know anything about that, of course.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Another spin-off on TerakRall'sÂ…

Mouse: You know, this food isn't that bad.
Cypher: Are you kidding?! I would rather sit down to a steak dinner with an agent than eat this sludgeÂ… Which is something I have never done. Ever.
Everyone: Â…
Cypher: So, how 'bout that Oracle?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Still like the "there is no spoon" one better...[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]My own take on the "no spoon" and steak bits, plus PHJ's Delphi bit in another scene:

Neo: Wouldn't a spoon be better for eating this glop?
Morpheus: Sorry, Neo. There is no spoon.
Cypher: Forks are for eating steaks with, darn it!
Mouse: What're you going to do, ask an Agent to feed you dinner?
Cypher: No need.

Morpheus: Today we visit the Oracle in--
Neo: Delphi?
Morpheus: New York, you berk.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I dunno. I'm still prefer Cypher's awkwardness to no spoons.

Cypher: This food is terrible! I would rather sit down to a steak dinner with an agent than eat this sludgeÂ… UmmÂ… Which is something I have never done. Ever.
Neo: Hey, wait a second—
Morpheus: Okay, we're off to see the Oracle.
Neo: Woo-hoo! Field trip!
Cypher: Phew. That was closeÂ…[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: This food sucks.
Cypher: I would rather have a sample of a nice juicy steak with Trinity in the matrix than to eat this crap.
Trinity: Sample This! *points gun at Cypher*
Cypher: Umm, I meant with an agent
Everyone: *Gasps*
Morpheus: Load up guys. We are going to see the Oracle.
Everyone: Yay!
Cypher: Phew[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like the steak with an agent joke. Lets hurry up and decide on this one.

Alternate ending

*Morpheus walks in*
Morpheus: It's time to take Neo to go see her.
*Morpheus walks out*
Neo: See who?
Tank: The Woman in the Red Dress[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Another composite version -

Mouse: You know, this food isn't that bad.
Tank: Are you kidding me? I would rather sit down to a steak dinner with an agent than eat this sludge.
Trinity: Oh, be realistic. Who would do a thing like that?
Cypher: (whistles innocently)

Morpheus: Today we visit the Oracle in--
Neo: Delphi?
Morpheus: New York, you berk.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] this stuff? It tastes like airplane food from 1999!
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] It [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] airplane food from 1999.
[b:post_uid0]Dozer:[/b:post_uid0] The [i:post_uid0]Nebuchadnezzer[/i:post_uid0]'s actually a souped-up 747.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Now that Neo knows that the Matrix is like a giant computer game, I'm taking him to learn the Secret of the Oracle.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Cool! I'm keen to go, commander!

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] this stuff?
[b:post_uid0]Trinity:[/b:post_uid0] Sorry about that. The replicator's on the fritz, it won't make us our normal breakfast.
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Yeah, it's like someone went into the system and deleted every single reference to eating steak.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]This one's too awkward to actually use... but I thought you'd get a kick out of it.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] We're off to see the Oracle.
[b:post_uid0]Trinity:[/b:post_uid0] The wonderful Orc'le of Oz!
[b:post_uid0]Mouse:[/b:post_uid0] We hear she knows how Dozer goes, she's known every One that was!
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] If ever-a-wever a--
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] All right, that's enough.[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Now that Neo knows that the Matrix is like a giant computer game, I'm taking him to learn the Secret of the Oracle.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Cool! I'm keen to go, commander![/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]The freaky thing is that I [i:post_uid0]think[/i:post_uid0] I recognize this reference. I used to be hooked on that game...

... if it actually is the same thing we're thinking about. My memory fails me-- it was a long time ago, and I can't quite remember if there actually was an Oracle in it or my mind's making it up.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]There wasn't an actual Oracle in it until the very end. But "The Secret of the Oracle" is indeed the name of the game, and its been freeware since the day it was released. You can still find it easily on the net.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Seems to me like there are three main jokes running around in this thread (by all means, correct me if I'm wrong):

<ul>[*]The Cypher-steak gag
[*]The spoon joke
[*]The Delphi gag[/list]and lots of other jokes that shouldn't be forgotten, of course. ;)

I'm going to take a bit of inspiration from Pteryx here and do a scene for the steak joke.

Neo: Yuck! This stuff is gross!
Tank: It's all we have here. If you're really upset about it, you could always return to the Matrix. An Agent would probably come down on you within seconds, but if you're really persuasive maybe he'll buy you a gourmet dinner.
Cypher: Heh. Sure, persuasive's good. But [i:post_uid0]traitorous[/i:post_uid0] will get you a steak dinner.
Silence: ...
Cypher: Er, not that I have ever betrayed, say, Morpheus to the Agents for a steak dinner. Nope, never done that.


Now one for the spoon joke (this one's short enough we might be able to tack on the Delphi joke at the end):

Mouse: How's breakfast, Neo?
Neo: Painful. I keep accidentally poking myself with this fork. Don't you people have even a single spoon?
Tank: Sorry, Neo. There is no spoon.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]/me votes for the no-spoon joke.

Though I think the tagline for the punchline should be changed - [i:post_uid0]anybody[/i:post_uid0] but Tank. His intonation's all wrong - he can't be mystic.

::Looks around. Obviously no one has any idea what he's talking about.::

Or maybe that's just me.

::Wanders off, still humming "Wizard of Oz" tunes.::[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The no-spoon one still holds for me. Although I think it might be better if Neo asks "Can I have a spoon?" instead. Shorter. Catchier. Looks like a--GGGAAHHHHH![/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]That sounds good. Just as long as he uses the singular. ;)

Mouse: How's breakfast, Neo?
Neo: Painful. I keep accidentally poking myself with this fork. Can I have a spoon?
Tank: Sorry, Neo. There is no spoon.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The steak joke does it for me. Call a vote already, Zeke![/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I agree. Call a vote.[/color:post_uid0]