[color=#000000:post_uid0]Considering the first part... Perhaps...

[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] C'mon, Neo - now you learn everything you'll need - 1001 ways to kick the crap out of everybody.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Say... has anybody ever tried [i:post_uid0]talking[/i:post_uid0] to these guys?
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Shut up and download.
[i:post_uid0](Neo spasms, sizzles, and comes out gasping for breath.)[/i:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Whoa! Give me more!
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Whoops. That was the "woman-in-the-red-dress" program.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What dress?

Or, on a similar note:

[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] C'mon, Neo - now you learn everything you'll need in order to fight in the Matrix!
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Wow - you guys probably have really sophisticated weapons, huh?
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Shut up and download.
[i:post_uid0](Neo spasms, sizzles, and comes out gasping for breath.)[/i:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Whoa! Give me more!
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Whoops. That was the "woman-in-the-red-dress" program.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What dress?

Or even:

[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] C'mon, Neo - now you learn everything you'll need to fight in the Matrix!
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Will I learn how to defend myself against an Agent armed with a banana?
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Shut up and download.
[i:post_uid0](Neo spasms, sizzles, and comes out gasping for breath.)[/i:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Whoa! Give me more!
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Whoops. That was the "woman-in-the-red-dress" program.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What dress?[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] C'mon, Neo - now you learn everything you'll need to fight in the Matrix!
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Will I learn how to defend myself against an Agent armed with a banana?
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Shut up and download.
[i:post_uid0](Neo spasms, sizzles, and comes out gasping for breath.)[/i:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Whoa! Give me more!
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Whoops. That was the "woman-in-the-red-dress" program.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What dress?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like this one the best. Somehow the banana just gets to me :)[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I think I like [quote:post_uid0]Neo: Say... has anybody ever tried talking to these guys?[/quote:post_uid0] better in combination with [quote:post_uid0]Tank: Shut up and download.[/quote:post_uid0]
Otherwise Tank's line just doesn't make sense to me.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I this scene calls for a 5MV reference.

[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Good morning, Neo. Â Time for your training -- here's what you'll be learning.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] "How to become a martial arts master in 2698 easy steps." Â That sounds long.
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Don't worry, we've got a five-minute version.

You could also tack on the "woman in the red dress" gag after Tank's line.

Or, alternative version:

[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Good morning, Neo. Â Time for your training -- here's what you'll be learning.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] "How to become a martial arts master in 2698 easy steps." Â That sounds pretty heavy.
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Don't worry, we've got a condensed version. Â Training is long and life is short.
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] (over the comm) Shorter for some than others.
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] I've had just about enough of your pessimism.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, I like the second one, with the blatent five-minute reference - that and I know we wanted a reference to Cypher and 'zero' - ergo:

[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Good morning, Neo. Â Time for your training -- here's what you'll be learning.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] "How to Become a Martial Arts Master in 2698 Easy Steps." Â That sounds pretty heavy.
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Don't worry, we've got a five-minute version. Â Training is long and life is short.
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] (over the comm) Shorter for some than others.
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] What was that?
[b:post_uid0]Cypher:[/b:post_uid0] Oh, nothing.

We could even change Neo's first line to, then Tank's second to, just to accentuate high stupidity:

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] "Martial Arts for Dummies." That sounds pretty heavy.
[b:post_uid0]Tank:[/b:post_uid0] Oh geez, well, we've got a five-minute version. Training is long and life is short.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yeah, I like that version. Not the "Martial Arts for Dummies," though... I'm usually one of the first in line to bash Neo/Keanu but this time I think the joke works better with the "2698 steps".[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I take it no-one likes mine at all then?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yours and most of the others so far are good, PHJ.

[quote:post_uid0]Neo: "How to Become a Martial Arts Master in 2698 Easy Steps." Â That sounds like it could take a while.
Tank: Oh geez, well, we've got a five-minute version. Â Training is long and life is short. Plus we've only got an 18K modem.[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Plus we've only got an 18K modem.[/quote:post_uid0]

2400. Â Smaller numbers are funnier (and I used to use a 2400 modem).

Come to think of it, I'm not sure there's such a thing as an 18K modem.

300, 1200, 2400, 4800, 9600, 14.4, 28.8, 36K, 56K.

It's scary that I know that.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I think adding a modem joke slows the scene down, personally. I like Sax's take on my second version.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]That's fine with me then. It's funny, and we'll save space for later in case someone gets inspired at length with a scene further on.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]I think adding a modem joke slows the scene down, personally. [/quote:post_uid0]

Ah, I see you're familiar with my modem.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Sax-Kira version sounds good to me.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Tank: Good morning, Neo. Time for your training -- here's what you'll be learning.
Neo: "How to become a martial arts master in 47 easy steps." That sounds long.
Tank: Don't worry, we've got a five-minute version.
*Downloading*
Neo: Holy Cow, there was a hot woman in there!
Tank: Oops, that was the "Woman in the Red Dress" Program
Neo: Why was I wearing the red dress?[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="NeoMatrix"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: Why was I wearing the red dress?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]The One, cross-dressing? No, dude, no. Bad image. BaaAAd image.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Cypher: (over the comm) Shorter for some than others.[/quote:post_uid0]
Do not try to use the comm, that is impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth: There is no comm. :D[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, the consensus seems to be for the Sax-Kira version, so I'll go for that too.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Sooo.... have we reached a General Consensus? :looks hopefully at Zeke:[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Still voting for the Sax-Kira ticket, er, I mean scene. Â ;)


(Edit) But, if we go with Neo's first version, I think we can safely cut Tank's second-to-last line.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, some people were for mine earlier. Are they still liking mine? My first one that is.[/color:post_uid0]