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Five-Minute "Shadows and Symbols"

by Derek Dean

Ezri: It's not my fault I have the symbiont. I didn't want it.
Sisko: What happened?
Ezri: I was on the Destiny and the symbiont took a turn for the worse and so I was given it.
Sisko: The Destiny? Isn't that the ship where everyone died from mysterious causes?
Ezri: Yeah, the symbiont should've warned us about Joran.

Quark: I'd like to go on this trip, but I won't go if Worf doesn't want me.
Martok: What makes you think he doesn't want you?
Quark: Well, he's glaring at me; he's wielding his knife menacingly; and he's mumbling "That Ferengi had better not be coming on board."
Martok: Oh that. Don't worry, he does that to everyone.

Ross: Oooh, those sneaky Romulans! How dare they put missiles on your moon!
Kira: Glad we agree. What are you going to do about it?
Ross: Pretty much what I just did. I might wag my finger at Senator Cretak next time I see her too.
Kira: Can't you do something more?
Ross: I can think up a clever name for the history books. How about... The Bajoran Missile Crisis?

Sisko: We're at the planet Tyree. Everything should be smooth sailing from here.
Ezri: Urp. Sailing?
Jake: Except Ezri's throwing up; we have no idea where on the planet the orb is....
Voice: Dr. Wykoff, please stop treating Buffy and start treating Benny.
Sisko: Did anyone here that?
Jake: ...And you're getting delusional.

Quark: Worf's still glaring at me.
Bashir: Deal.
Quark: I don't want to, I want him to thank me for coming.
Bashir: Er, I just meant it's Quark's turn to deal for rummy.

Kira: Bajoran Missile Crisis, indeed! Forget the bay of those prigs, I'm setting up a blockade against those Russ-- Romulans.
Odo: Sigh. That means I'm coming along, doesn't it?
Kira: Yep. Start packing.

Sisko: Now if only I knew where to start digging.
Ezri: I've got a great idea; why don't you start digging wherever I throw this baseball?
Sisko: Sure!
Ezri: You realize you're not exactly acting sane, right, Ben?
Sisko: That's what the voices in my head keep saying too.

Worf: I'd like to apologize for that regretable outburst a few minutes ago.
Quark: Wait a minute, you actually regret it?
Worf: Not really, but I figured it'd sound better if I said I did.

Sisko: Ha! Found the Orb of the Emissary.
Ezri: Well, aren't you going to open it?
Sisko: I can't.
Ezri: Why not?
Sisko: Writer's cramp.

Benny: See, this is the part where Sisko gets stuck in a delusion that he's Benny Russell.
Wykoff: It's just a delusion that it's a delusion. It's really real.
Benny: Then why are we in italics and not them?

Bashir: So here's the sun, what do we do now?
O'Brien: Well, first we find the part of the sun we need to fire at.
Bashir: Hopefully it's on the outside.
Worf: Relax, Doctor. Have a drink. How about a Corona?

Benny: Hey, I only asked for some white-out, not a paint-roller.
Wykoff: Come on, Benny. People who write on walls aren't sane.
Benny: Hm. Maybe my next story could be about a girl trapped for five years in a hell dimension who...
Wykoff: Just admit defeat already!
Sisko: Ha! Unfound the Orb of the Emissary.
Ezri: Crap.

Cretak: (over the comm) Mwahahahaha!
Kira: Hey, don't laugh at our resistance until the fight's over.
Cretak: I was really just laughing at you for actually trusting us Romulans to begin with.
Kira: Crap.

Worf: Fire!
O'Brien: Didn't work. So much for Quark's idea of fighting fire with fire.
Bashir: Crap. For some reason our failure feels three times stronger than usual.
O'Brien: That's probably due to the fact that we took Quark's suggestion in the first place.

Wykoff: You've got a world of strength of the heart, Benny. I know you do. You just have to find it again. Believe in yourself.
Benny: You're right. Thank you. Good-bye.
Wykoff: Crap. Note to self, in the future don't say things that can be interpreted as support for a psychotic's fantasy world.

Sisko: Hello? Prophets? Why am I back in the white room?

Wormhole: Look! Look! I'm open!
Kira: Woohoo! Fire at will!
Odo: Can't. The ships are retreating. You won.
Kira: Woohoo! Is this just the happiest, most magical ending ever or what?
Odo: I'll let you know when the other subplots resolve.

Martok: Crap. We've got Jem'Hadar ships after us. Anyone have any suggestions of how to get rid of them?
Quark: Wait, I know! We can fight fire with EM pulses!
O'Brien: Now that I like!
Jem'Hadar Ships and Space Station: BOOM!

Sarah: Hey Ben.
Sisko: Aah! Mary, Mother of God, you startled me! What are you doing here?
Sarah: I've decided to explain everything. And also to be the only Prophet you ever see from now on.
Sisko: What is this "now"?

Sarah: See, I took over your mother and forced her to marry Joseph against her will. It's fun screwing with mortals.
Sisko: By screwing, you do just mean "messing with" right?
Sarah: Er...
Sisko: On second thought, don't answer that.

Sisko: Hey, look! Everyone's here to greet me. And everyone's happy.
See? This show isn't dark! It isn't!
Kira: I'm actually surprised things are ending so well. Shouldn't we still have some conflict?
Sisko: What if I introduce a new old character, or is that an old new character?
Ezri: Hi.
(Worf, Bashir, and Quark all run screaming at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on June 10, 2005.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2005, Derek Dean.