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Five-Minute "Favor the Bold"

by Kira

Dax: What's our status?
O'Brien: We're completely vulnerable, sir. Yep, totally defenseless. If the Dominion comes along, we'll be --
Dax: Chief, the Dominion can't hear you. There's no need to keep up the charade.
O'Brien: The audience, Jadzia. Think of the audience.

Nog: Dominion ships closing to within weapons range.
(A Klingon Bird of Prey decloaks above the Defiant)
Dax: Raise shields! Open fire!
Worf: (over the comm) Qu'vatlh! You incompetent to'paHs!
Dax: At the Dominion, Chief!
O'Brien: Sorry.

Dax: That went well. Of course, it would have gone better if the Chief hadn't wasted so much time with the feathers and crazy glue.
O'Brien: How was I supposed to know you weren't being literal when you said to make the Defiant a sitting duck?
Dax: Anyways, Starfleet just sent us another rubber chicken, so I guess we're retreating again.
Bashir: What does that do to the score?
Dax: Us 3, Dominion 5,672.
Bashir: Damn.

Dax: This is ridiculous, Ben! Are we really going to keep surrendering, endangering civilians, and running like little girls?
Sisko: No, and I really don't know what the Admirals were thinking with that strategy. We're going to retake Deep Space Nine or blow our special effects budget trying.
Dax: It's about time! What made up your mind?
Sisko: I have a sneaking suspicion that Dukat won't feed my fish. I want to get back there before they croak.
Dax: What about Jake?
Sisko: I'm pretty sure he can feed himself.

Sisko: ...and that's how I think we should retake Deep Space Nine. Any questions?
Ross: No. We were too busy lobbing spitballs at your shiny head to listen to your presentation.
Sisko: What?
Ross: Uh... plan approved!

Kira: We're looking for Odo.
Jem'Hadar Soldier: He's... unavailable at the moment.
Quark: What's that supposed to mean?
Jem'Hadar Soldier: It means --
Bajoran Soldier: Boump chicka bow-bow!
Kira: What? That traitor!
Quark: Ugh. I think I'm going to be sick....

Female Shapeshifter: Ahhh. Well, Odo? Was it good for you too?
Odo: I'm... not entirely clear on what just happened.
Female Shapeshifter: Don't worry about it. If it will make you feel better, we can observe a custom of the solids as well. Cigarette?

Kira: I want you to release Rom.
Weyoun: Certainly. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Kira: Sweet, let me just go grab my list and... oh. You're kidding, aren't you?
Weyoun: You're not exactly the brightest bulb, are you?
Kira: Shut up. ...Will you do it for a Vorta Snack?
Weyoun: No.

Rom: Brother, I'm going to be executed. I need you to do something for me.
Quark: Does it involve oo-mox?
Rom: No.
Quark: Latinum?
Rom: No.
Quark: Is it illegal?
Rom: Absolutely.
Quark: Consider it done.

Kira: Ziyal, tell your father to release Rom.
Ziyal: Dad, Kira says you should release Rom.
Dukat: Ziyal, tell Kira "Bite me."
Ziyal: Kira, my father says --
Kira: Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Quark: Here, Damar, have another drink.
Damar: You're not trying to get me drunk so I'll reveal that we're deactivating the minefield tomorrow, are you?
Quark: Of course not!
Damar: Good, because we'd both get in big trouble.
Quark: Enjoy the drink.

Sisko: ...and that's how we're going to retake Deep Space Nine. Any questions?
Martok: Why is the back of your head covered in spitballs?
Worf: It is a human custom before battle. At least, that is what Commander Riker always told us.

Jake: I know a way you can get your top secret message to Starfleet. I wrote a note to my dad on Morn's package.
Quark: Unconventional, but I suppose desperate times call for --
Jake: A package for his mother! Perverts.
Kira: Well, all right, as long as you think Morn can keep this quiet.

Sisko: "Dominion deactivating minefield in two days. Stop. Reinforcements waiting on other side of the wormhole. Stop. Attempts at sabotage have failed. Stop. Recommend immediate offensive. Stop."
Ross: Your son must be a historian to write his messages in the style of old telegrams.
Sisko: It's not telegram style. Major Kira likes kicking people in the shins to make them write faster.

Dukat: Ahh. Nothing like the sight of mine replication units being destroyed to make your day.
Weyoun: Yes, very nice.
Dukat: The window is over here.
Weyoun: Ah. Thank you. We Vorta have very weak eyesight, you know.
Dukat: Is that so? How many fingers am I holding up?
Weyoun: One, you bastard.
Dukat: I thought you said...
Weyoun: Oh, I didn't see it. I didn't need to.

Damar: Sir, the Federation fleet is on the move.
Dukat: Excellent. Everything is proceeding according to plan.
Damar: This is part of a plan?
Dukat: Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.
Damar: Really?
Dukat: No, but that's what we're going to be telling the Dominion. Kapeesh?

Dukat: Damar, tell my daughter I want to speak to her.
Damar: Ziyal, your father says he wants to speak to you.
Ziyal: Damar, tell my father "Bite me."
Damar: Sigh. I don't see why we can't all just have a direct conversa--
Damar: Not... exactly... what I had... in mind. Ungh.
Kira: Too bad for you.

Nog: Hey, Chief! Guess what? I got promoted!
O'Brien: Good for you. Hey -- you're not wearing red any more.
Nog: Nope! Engineering yellow.
O'Brien: Damn.
Nog: Still trying to find some sucker to take over the getting tortured department, huh? Good luck, sucker.
O'Brien: Yeah? Maybe you'd like to take charge of the peg leg department.
Nog: That doesn't even make sense.
O'Brien: It will.

Sisko: All right, men. We're about to set out on our mission. We may face many dangers, but I'm confident my baldness will see us through.
Dax: Ben, you're not bald. You just shave your head.
Sisko: Shhh! You'll dishearten the men!

Odo: The solids... they look so small, so confined from up here. Just like from inside a beautiful delusion.
Female Shapeshifter: We'll crush their bones.
Odo: What?
Female Shapeshifter: I said "Leave us alone." I need to speak with Weyoun. Go wait in your quarters.
Odo: Certainly.
Weyoun: Whap-tchh!
Female Shapeshifter: Did you just make the whip-cracking sound?
Weyoun: I'm sorry, I meant no disrespect.
Female Shapeshifter: Of course not. Here, have a Vorta Snack.

Odo: I should have been helping you undermine the Dominion occupation. I'm sorry.
Kira: You certainly are.
Odo: Phew. I'm glad this rift between us is -- hey, wait a minute....

Dax: This is risky, Ben. Do you really think it will work?
Sisko: I'm sure we'll be fine once we move around this giant wall.
O'Brien: That's no wall... that's a Dominion fleet!
Sisko: Uh oh.
(The tension builds at Ominous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on July 1, 2005.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2005, Carolyn Paterson.