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Five-Minute Back to the Future III

by Derek Dean

Doc: It worked! I'm a genius! If only I could've had my dog out here, but I guess it's a little too chilly for him.
Marty: Geez, are you still on about that? That joke was so two movies ago.

Doc's Log: Last night's experiment was a complete success! Marty made it back to the future, thus proving that he is the One.
Marty: Hey, Doc.
Doc: No, it can't be you! I just sent you back to the future, One!
Marty: Feel like doing it again?

Letter: Dear Marty, You want to be back in the present, which from where you are is the future. Unfortunately I'm in the past, so from my perspective you are in the future. See? Problem solved.
Marty: Wait, so what do I do in 1955?
Letter: If you're wondering what to do in 1955, I've hidden the DeLorean so that you can invent it 30 years earlier than it originally was. Have fun. - Doc.
Marty: I should have stuck with G instead of this letter.

Marty: Wait, the DeLorean's hidden inside that spooky cave? I think I'll stay out here in this much more comforting graveyard.
Doc's Grave: That doesn't really make sense.
Marty: Oh shut up. You're just Doc's tombstone. What would you know?

Doc: Thanks for going back in time to save me. You're a real pal.
Marty: It probably would mean more if the time circuits weren't stuck on 1885.

Marty: AAAAAAAA! Oh wait, it's a dream....
Maggie: No, it's not. I'm just glad you didn't die. It would've been more than I could bear.
Marty: Speaking of bears, is there still one after me?

Marty: Do you know where Doc Brown is?
Chester: Sure do. And I'll tell you barring any random interrupt--
Buford: Hey, dude. I'm going to fill you full of lead unless there's a random interrupt--
Marty: And now I think I'll make my escape, random interruptions or no.

Marty: Running, running, la la la la la.
Buford et al: Lassoing, lassoing, la la la la la.
Marty: Hey, wait a minute. Where's a makeshift skateboard? la la.
Buford et al: Hanging, hanging, la la la la la.
Doc: Rescuing, rescuing, la la la la la.

Doc: Marty, why have you come for me? Didn't you get my letter?
Marty: Yeah, and since I want to be in the present, and you said I was in the future, I figured I should come here to the past.
Doc: Good point. Well, now we need to get back to the future. I wonder when we should do that?
Marty: There's no time like the present.

Marty: Here's a picture of your tombstone in the future.
Doc: Wow. That was a good idea to take a picture of it so we can see if we change history.
Marty: Actually, it was the tombstone's idea.

Marty: Remind me again why we're at the railway station.
Doc: Because you ripped the fuel tank out of the DeLorean in an effort to scare away a bear. Now it can't run under its own power anymore.
Marty: What, the car?
Doc: No, the bear. Apparently gas isn't meant to be ingested.

Doc: So here's the plan: We put the DeLorean on the railway tracks, hijack a train, and get it up to 88 miles per hour before the train runs out of track and falls into the ravine.
Marty: Kind of like that lady in that cart is about to?
Doc: Um, yes.

Clara: Thanks for saving my life. By the way, do you believe in love at first sight?
Doc: I do now. You know, the power of love is a curious thing.
Marty: Doc, this plan of yours is great. We won't need money, fame, or credit cards to hijack the train!

Marty: Hey Doc, did you notice that Clara's last name is Clayton and the ravine that is currently named Shonash is supposed to be called Clayton Ravine?
Doc: Does that have anything to do with a miniature model of the train tracks?
Marty: Uh, no.
Doc: Then it can wait.

Clara: Are you going to the town festival tonight?
Marty: Doc, you can stop ducking. She's not throwing things at you.

Colt Gun Salesman: Hey, kid. Wanna try to shoot at those targets over there with this gun?
Salesman: No, you need to actually fire the gun.

Buford: Prepare to meet your maker, blacksmith.
Doc: You'd shoot a man in the back?
Buford: It's the safest way, isn't it? Now say your prayers.
Frisbee: Yoink!
Marty: Pies. Is there anything they can't do?

Buford: You dare throw a pie at me and knock away my gun?
Marty: Sorry, I was going for more of a slapstick pie-in-the-face thing.
Buford: Whatever. We must now settle this in a classic shoot-out scene.

Marty: Hey, Doc. Where've you been all this time?
Doc: With Clara. We spent the whole night talking until a bear came and ate us.
Tombstone: That doesn't really make sense.
Doc: Oh shut up. You're just the tombstone in the photograph. What would you know?
Marty: Hey, check out the photograph. Your name's been erased. And in its place is... pepperoni?
Doc: Now that's what I want on my tombstone!

Doc: I've decided something -- I'm going to stay in the past in order to be with my love.
Marty: Come on, Doc. You've only just met Clara.
Doc: I meant my blacksmith shop.

Doc: Hey, Clara. Want to come to the future with me?
Clara: Jerk.
Doc: Hey, horse. Want to come to the future with me?
Horse: Nay.

Doc: I just had two lousy breakups. Time for a drink.
Salesman: You know, they say the best thing to do when you have a breakup is to get back on the horse.
Doc: I like the future better, where there aren't attractive women or horses or stupid clichés.
Marty: So let's go back there.
Doc: Just let me pass out first.

Buford: Time for the shootout.
Marty: I'm sorry, I can't get shot now. If you'd please leave your name and number after the beep, I'll be sure to run away from you screaming. BEEP
Buford: You're not getting out of it that easy.
Old Timer: You'd better fight him, kid. I've got a whole fistful of dollars wagered on you.
Marty: A fistful of dollars, eh? Hmm....

Marty: I'm your huckleberry.
Buford: Blatant Tombstone quotes will get you nowhere.
Buford: Man, killing people makes me thirsty. Anyone got something to drink?
Marty: How about a nice Hawaiian punch?
Buford: Sure!

Marty: All right. You're not going to be killed, I avoided getting shot, and the train to get us back home is just pulling out of the station.
Doc: Whoops. Probably should worry about that last one.
Marty: Probably.

Doc: These logs will cause the train to go faster until they cause it to explode.
Marty: But what happens if you're rescuing someone when it explodes?
Doc: Oh come on, what are the odds of that?

Doc: Help me, Marty! The train exploded while I was trying to rescue Clara!
Marty: You know, I warned you. But did you listen to me? Noooooo!
Doc: Just shut up and give me the hoverboard.

Marty: Well, I'm in the future, and Doc's still in the past. Which kind of made this whole movie unnecessary, didn't it?
Train: Are you talking to me? Cause I don't care. I was just planning on smashing the DeLorean.

Marty: Check it out, I've still got my new truck, my new life, and my new girlfriend.
Jennifer: Don't call me that!

Doc: Hey, Marty. I'm here to deliver the moral of these three movies: Never use a time machine when a hammer will work just as well.
Marty: That doesn't really makes sense.
Doc: Well, that's what everyone gets for asking me to do the moral.
Marty: You know, now that these movies are over, I'm feeling much more animated.
Doc: Whatever. Up, up and away!
(The flying train blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


Previous fiver: Back to the Future II

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This fiver was originally published on April 13, 2004.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Universal Studios. But it won't be after I get back. (revs engine)

All material © 2004, Derek Dean.