The Scooter FAQ
by Scooter (who?)
Q: Who are you?
Are you trying to be funny?
Q: No. Seriously, who are you?
Oh. I'm Zeke's Doctor Who guy. My name's Mark, but my online ID is Scooter.
Q: "Scooter"? (snicker) For real?
Just for that, no pie.
Q: Aw. But why --
Back in college I made the mistake of telling my friends I had never gotten a cool nickname. So they decided to give me one.
Q: But why --
Because I liked scooter pies. You know, those chocolate-covered marshmallow sandwiches. Look, you had to be there.
Q: So, you never did get a cool nickname.
Q: College, huh? So you're all edjumacated and stuff?
Kinda. I used to do computer programming, but I just went back to school to get my doctorate in ancient history. I specialize in the late Roman Repub--
Hey, wake up!
Q: Oh, sorry. (yawn) That's powerful stuff. So where do you live, Canada or Florida?
Neither. I live in New York City.
Q: What? Wait, how did that happen?
Shh! Don't tell Zeke. He thinks I'm from Vancouver.
Q: Gotcha. So what's this Doctor Who thing exactly? I've never heard of it.
It's only the longest-running science fiction show ever and one of the most popular programs ever made! Geez. It ran from 1963 to 1989 on BBC, a new version was launched in 2005, there have been ten actors playing the role --
Q: Ten different actors all played Doctor Who?
Yes. The Doctor "regenerates" periodically so that new actors can play him.
Q: Like the two Darrins, then?
Kinda. Well, no. Look, the point is, one of the reasons I enjoy Doctor Who is the way each Doctor brings something new to the character and to the show.
Q: Uh huh. Wait, I think I've seen one. Some tall guy with curly hair, big teeth, and a long scarf, right?
Yeah, that's Tom Baker, the Fourth Doctor. But there were also --
Q: Yeah, my roommate used to watch that stuff. What a dork. He played D&D and sang in the glee club, too. Do you sing in a glee club, Scooter?
Actually -- look, who are you, Biff Tannen? Can we move on?
Q: Whatever you say. So how did you get involved with 5MV?
Some time in 2003 I stumbled across the site looking for online parodies and got hooked. I read all the Trek fivers and then discovered there were also a couple of Doctor Who fivers and immediately sat down to write one of my own. And the rest, after a couple years of making a nuisance of myself, is history.
Q: Are you only into Doctor Who?
No, I'm a big Trek fan too. I enjoy most forms of science fiction -- books, TV, movies, whatever. LOTR too, of course. I also love most live-action superhero stuff -- I've written fivers for Smallville and Angel.
Q: Man, you are a geek. Next you'll tell me your mom is Chief Medical Officer on a Federation starship.
Just think of me as Wesley's smarter brother. Are you done?
Q: Can I have a scooter pie?
Q: Then I'm done.
Got a question you think should be in this FAQ? E-Mail it to Scooter.
All material © 2005, Scooter.