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The Scooter FAQ

by Scooter (who?)

Q: Who are you?

Are you trying to be funny?

Q: No. Seriously, who are you?

Oh. I'm Zeke's Doctor Who guy. My name's Mark, but my online ID is Scooter.

Q: "Scooter"? (snicker) For real?

Just for that, no pie.

Q: Aw. But why --

Back in college I made the mistake of telling my friends I had never gotten a cool nickname. So they decided to give me one.

Q: But why --

Because I liked scooter pies. You know, those chocolate-covered marshmallow sandwiches. Look, you had to be there.

Q: So, you never did get a cool nickname.

(sigh) No.

Q: College, huh? So you're all edjumacated and stuff?

Kinda. I used to do computer programming, but I just went back to school to get my doctorate in ancient history. I specialize in the late Roman Repub--

Q: (zzzzz)

Hey, wake up!

Q: Oh, sorry. (yawn) That's powerful stuff. So where do you live, Canada or Florida?

Neither. I live in New York City.

Q: What? Wait, how did that happen?

Shh! Don't tell Zeke. He thinks I'm from Vancouver.

Q: Gotcha. So what's this Doctor Who thing exactly? I've never heard of it.

It's only the longest-running science fiction show ever and one of the most popular programs ever made! Geez. It ran from 1963 to 1989 on BBC, a new version was launched in 2005, there have been ten actors playing the role --

Q: Ten different actors all played Doctor Who?

Yes. The Doctor "regenerates" periodically so that new actors can play him.

Q: Like the two Darrins, then?

Kinda. Well, no. Look, the point is, one of the reasons I enjoy Doctor Who is the way each Doctor brings something new to the character and to the show.

Q: Uh huh. Wait, I think I've seen one. Some tall guy with curly hair, big teeth, and a long scarf, right?

Yeah, that's Tom Baker, the Fourth Doctor. But there were also --

Q: Yeah, my roommate used to watch that stuff. What a dork. He played D&D and sang in the glee club, too. Do you sing in a glee club, Scooter?

Actually -- look, who are you, Biff Tannen? Can we move on?

Q: Whatever you say. So how did you get involved with 5MV?

Some time in 2003 I stumbled across the site looking for online parodies and got hooked. I read all the Trek fivers and then discovered there were also a couple of Doctor Who fivers and immediately sat down to write one of my own. And the rest, after a couple years of making a nuisance of myself, is history.

Q: Are you only into Doctor Who?

No, I'm a big Trek fan too. I enjoy most forms of science fiction -- books, TV, movies, whatever. LOTR too, of course. I also love most live-action superhero stuff -- I've written fivers for Smallville and Angel.

Q: Man, you are a geek. Next you'll tell me your mom is Chief Medical Officer on a Federation starship.

Just think of me as Wesley's smarter brother. Are you done?

Q: Can I have a scooter pie?


Q: Then I'm done.


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All material © 2005, Scooter.