Home About Home

The Derek Dean FAQ

by Derek Dean (like you couldn't figure that out)

Q: So who are you, as if I didn't knowingly and willfully click on the Derek Dean FAQ link?

I'm Derek Dean, or as my friends like to call me, Derek.

Q: So what does that stand for?

"Doesn't Everyone Really Eat Kellogg's? Doesn't Everyone Act Normal?"

Q: Really?

No, genius. It's my name.

Q: Why don't you use a pseudonym?

Well, I normally go by the name Spurk whenever I'm online. However, when I wrote my first fiver, it was published with the name "Derek Dean." As I wrote more and more, my real name kept getting used and so to make a long story short --

Q: Too late.

-- I decided to use my real name.

Q: So where are you from?

I'm from Tallahassee, Florida.

Q: Tallahassee? Is that a suburb of Orlando or Miami?

No! Haven't you people learned geography? Tallahassee is the capital of Florida. It's nowhere near any major city in Florida!

Q: Geez, I was just asking.

Just ask your next question.

Q: Do you live near IJD GAF? Do you know him?

I think it best if you stay away from any more Florida questions.

Q: So, uh, how old are you?

I was born on May 10, 1979.

Q: That isn't an age.

That wasn't a question.

Q: True. What do you do for a living?

I work.

Q: No, I mean, what's your job?

I program computers.

Q: Yawn, how interesting. Do you have any hobbies?

No, I let my wife do the creative stuff.

Q: Oh, so you're married? To whom?

In the forums, she goes by MmeBlueberry.

Q: Aw, how sweet. Did you meet through this site?

Gosh, no. What sort of people would do that?

Q: Is that a rhetorical question?

I don't know, is it?

Q: I think it is.

Sigh. Why don't you ask me something about my fivers?

Q: But your fivers suck!

I wouldn't know, I just work here.

Q: Hey, yeah, how did you end up doing that?

In contrast to the other section heads, I kept writing fivers until Zeke offered me a position in order to get me to stop.

Q: So does that mean you're going to stop?


Q: Heh. That's pretty evil.

No more evil than lying to you about how I got the job.

Q: Your favorite character's Garak, isn't it?

Isn't it everyone's?

Q: No, my favorite character is Q.

That's just because you're named after him.

Q: No, it's because I am him. Watch this. (FLASH!)

(All the guys on the 5MV staff disappear.)

Q: Whoops, that wasn't right....

Got a question you think should be in this FAQ? E-Mail it to Derek.

Site navigation:
___ About
___ ___ The Derek Dean FAQ

All material © 2002, Derek Dean.