The Derek Dean FAQ
by Derek Dean (like you couldn't figure that out)
Q: So who are you, as if I didn't knowingly and willfully click on the Derek Dean FAQ link?
I'm Derek Dean, or as my friends like to call me, Derek.
Q: So what does that stand for?
"Doesn't Everyone Really Eat Kellogg's? Doesn't Everyone Act Normal?"
No, genius. It's my name.
Q: Why don't you use a pseudonym?
Well, I normally go by the name Spurk whenever I'm online. However, when I wrote my first fiver, it was published with the name "Derek Dean." As I wrote more and more, my real name kept getting used and so to make a long story short --
Q: Too late.
-- I decided to use my real name.
Q: So where are you from?
I'm from Tallahassee, Florida.
Q: Tallahassee? Is that a suburb of Orlando or Miami?
No! Haven't you people learned geography? Tallahassee is the capital of Florida. It's nowhere near any major city in Florida!
Q: Geez, I was just asking.
Just ask your next question.
Q: Do you live near IJD GAF? Do you know him?
I think it best if you stay away from any more Florida questions.
Q: So, uh, how old are you?
I was born on May 10, 1979.
Q: That isn't an age.
That wasn't a question.
Q: True. What do you do for a living?
Q: No, I mean, what's your job?
I program computers.
Q: Yawn, how interesting. Do you have any hobbies?
No, I let my wife do the creative stuff.
Q: Oh, so you're married? To whom?
In the forums, she goes by MmeBlueberry.
Q: Aw, how sweet. Did you meet through this site?
Gosh, no. What sort of people would do that?
Q: Is that a rhetorical question?
I don't know, is it?
Q: I think it is.
Sigh. Why don't you ask me something about my fivers?
Q: But your fivers suck!
I wouldn't know, I just work here.
Q: Hey, yeah, how did you end up doing that?
In contrast to the other section heads, I kept writing fivers until Zeke offered me a position in order to get me to stop.
Q: So does that mean you're going to stop?
Q: Heh. That's pretty evil.
No more evil than lying to you about how I got the job.
Q: Your favorite character's Garak, isn't it?
Isn't it everyone's?
Q: No, my favorite character is Q.
That's just because you're named after him.
Q: No, it's because I am him. Watch this. (FLASH!)
(All the guys on the 5MV staff disappear.)
Q: Whoops, that wasn't right....
Got a question you think should be in this FAQ? E-Mail it to Derek.
All material © 2002, Derek Dean.